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Clancy Gets An Anal Probe

morealiens91206.JPGHere at TVgasm's Rocky Mountain offices, it's been a while since we've called plagiarism on a network television show. (I call it all the time on basic cable offerings. Especially The Colbert Report.) But TiVo's summary for this week's episode of House rings too close to my own upbringing to be a mere coincidence: House denies his physical pain; a child comes to the hospital with rectal bleeding and proclamations of being tortured by aliens.

Okay, except for the whole bit about House denying his physical pain, that sounds exactly like my third grade year. And both of my ninth grade years. And my sophomore year at THE Ohio State University. But since I was in college, technically I was just experimenting with aliens that time. After all, how else would I know I wasn't attracted to aliens unless I let them probe my probe-hole?

Anyway, enough about my ass. The recap awaits after the jump...

This week's episode starts off with a distinctive X-Files vibe. And not the lame Doggett years either; I'm talking the golden years, before Scully and Mulder first made "the beast with two backs". A suburban mom tucks her little boy into bed, but he gets spooked when his bobbleheads start to bobble of their own accord. Personally, I'd be spooked that my mom was being played by Laura Palmer, but that's just me. He yells for mom, but dad comes to the door instead. Undeterred, Senior Pissypants asks his dad if he can turn on the TV. Daddy don't play that, though, and tells Junior that TV is a daytime toy. If he'd like a nighttime toy, the Ben-wa balls are on his dresser.
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Clancy tells his dad he's worried that "they" might come to get him again. You can totally tell this is a nightly occurrence by the way dad taps his foot and blows his son off. (Not like that. This isn't Law & Order: SVU. Yet.) But you can also tell that as soon as daddykins shuts the door, bad things are gonna happen. Very bad things. Especially once Junior gets up and turns on the TV anyway.

Sure enough, the channels soon start to change on their own. Whenever this happens at my house (and it's more often than you'd think), it means either myself or one of the dogs has sat on the remote again. But here, it means the aliens are a-comin'. The TV shuts offs, the furniture starts to shake, and a bright light erupts from the boy's closet. Either it's a very fabulous episode of Queer Eye or Clancy's in deep doodoo. Or both.

The next morning, Clancy is nowhere to be found. Mom and Dad search all over the house for him, to no avail. Fortunately, the cameras reveal that Clancy is lying in the front yard, unconscious. Unfortunately, they also reveal that his ass is a bloody mess. Let's hope they find him before the neighbors do, or Mom and Dad can forget about that invitation to the next potluck.

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Hey, House is getting ready to run again. Hooray ketamine! Wait, he's not going to make it. Instead, he comes back in and massages his leg. Boo Eurotrash miracle drugs! Even worse, he snarfs down a couple Vicodin. Which he only has because he forged Wilson's name on a prescription last week. Which he wouldn't have had to do had Wilson not gone all Yahweh and made Cuddy promise not to tell House that he was right about Crippy McSwimsalot's diagnosis after all. Thanks a lot, WILSON! (That pretty much sums up the "Previously On..." portion of the recap.)
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House's crotch is insane!

At the hospital, House is walking with a noticeable limp. Wilson asks House whither his sweat and B.O.; evidently Wilson misses House's musk. Cuddy also notices that he's clean and early. House says if it's an intervention, they're too late, because he's not hooked on drugs anymore. He is, however, hooked on phonics. Dammit, I was going totally going to make that joke.

Cuddy says that House seems to be favoring his left side a little. "I was hanging down my right pant leg yesterday," House tells her. "Makes all the difference in the world." Yes it does. Are you with me, fellas? The good doctors Cuddy and Wilson also notice that House is taking the elevator today instead of the stairs. Cuddy warns House if he slacks on his rehab, his leg will weaken and hurt again. Not to mention the terrorists will win.

Clancy Gets An Anal Probe Section's:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5  |  6 

Comments (18)

brilliantmistake [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I loved Foreman's "maybe you lost time" comment.

Is it me, or is Cameron even more useless this season?

Excellent recap.

Helenann [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I keep singing, "Clancy gets an anal probe, doo dah, doo dah..."

msCCRN [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Loved the recap and the ELP reference.

I was worried that the kinder, gentler House, (you know the one that actually touches and talks to patients) would be here to stay.

Personally, I was glad to see ol' Vicodin poppin', cane usin' House return. House needs misery like the rest of us need oxygen.

WebKittyn [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I must have been living under a rock, I had no idea until today you were recapping House! This makes me smile, House is one of my favourite shows these days and your reviews are the reason I come to this site.

I agree with msCORN, I was dreading a kinder happier House, leave the man the way he is.

It's going to be an even better season of an already great show thanks to your recaps.

WebKittyn [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Ugh. My first comment and I spell someone's name wrong. Sorry to msCCRN. I've got Fall on the brain, I read CORN.

I just turned my father onto this place, does that make up for my oops?

killbondnow [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Ah, we pegged chimerism at about the 25-minute mark around our place -- it's nice to know that EVERYONE (including writers) watches the Discovery Gross-Out Network (also known as Discovery Health on pretty much any Monday night) -- they did programs on chimerism earlier this year. So we knew what was coming.

That, and both of us channeling Eric Cartman: "Oww, my aaaaattth!" at the beginning. I love this show, and I love this site.

(Rubbing hands gleefully, waiting for PR tonight, have already heard the soundbite of of Tim Gunn going "Oh, Jesus" on the commercial, and we're both beside ourselves with anticipation...)

grandemocha [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Did anyone catch Cameron's "cunning plan" comment to Wilson and yummy Cuddy? I love the Black Adder references that they throw in there once in a while.

Fitz [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Loved the review! There were some great moments in this episode. So does anyone think Cuddy is going to have House's kid?
Oh and what is up with this

"Obviously, House is forgetting about the Joozians, producers of the hit intergalactic reality show, Earth." Why is everyone always blaming the Jooz?

-Fitz

HicksPub [TypeKey Profile Page]:

"Scott Baio gave me pink eye" may just replace my standard "My cat's breath smells like cat food" as my favorite random sentence.

I am also a happy rider of the "Welcome Back, Pain" bus. His pain is crucial to House being House.

Mulv [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Is it just me or was that like, the most boring episode of House ever? Eh, maybe it's just me.

I've just about had it with Wilson this season. Not only is he super annoying but he's barely even a real character anymore. He basically just exists to explain House's current psychological state to the audience. C'mon writers! You're better than that!

I like Chase more and more all the time. At least he's funny and a recognizably human character who seems to be more than just a vessel for a particular rhetorical point.

Yeah, I'm grumpy. What of it?

Mulv [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Oh yeah, good recap Copygodd. The anal bleeding storyline was like a gift, wasn't it?

TaxGirl [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Great recap! I, too, like the tortured House. I love all your "crossover" references to other shows.

Speaking of South Park (killbondnow #6), wasn't there an episode about an underdeveloped fetus stuck to the forehead of the school nurse. I know it's not the same as chimera but that's what I thought of when House came up with the diagnosis. Plus I thought chimera was a clay chiminey thing for the patio.

Keep up the good work copygodd!

Aries [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I second WebKittyn's sentiments, I'm glad copygodd is recapping House too. Kat is probably a decent person in real life but her recapping skills were hit-or-miss, mostly miss.

I thought this was one of the better episodes, but then I'm a sci-fi fan. I'm glad that they followed up on a patient's progress for once, especially since it could impact House. And I'm also glad House called Wilson out on his ass-hattedness. Except for Cameron's simpering uselessness, this is shaping up to be a great season.

zevonia [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Great stuff, copygodd. But two scary medical pictures in one recap was hard to take (okay, so I'm a wuss, so what?). Loved all the South Park references.

zevonia [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Oh and as a side note, the thigh bone isn't actually connected to the arm bone. At least not in any species that I know.

chooch850 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I loved the fact that you...."smelled what the Rock was cookin".....

Great recap....maybe Cuddy's baby is an alien.

davidgrote [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Cameron may be more useless, but her bangs are hot. She's cuter than ever. And copygood is raising the bar every week. Nice work. Excellent work. Anyone else think cuddy stole some of house's sperm when she was operating on him after the shooting? I sure hope so.

abaumga2 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Not one of my favorite episodes, mostly because it is horribly innacurrate. Having two sets of DNA does not cause any symptoms like this boy was having. At the most it could cause blotchy skin due to differences in melanin production, and if the two embryos were different genders then it would cause hermaphroditism.

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