Cuddy's pissed because she's really close to getting the money for a new oncology lab. House is pissed because he has to go to Cuddy every time he needs his Vicodin. Cuddy says that because he "allegedly" forges prescriptions, his pain has now become her pain. No more free-flowing pills. He'll get reasonable doses at reasonable times. If that's not good enough, he should tap into his secret stash. Can't. Trigger took it. Then what about House's secret-secret stash? He ran out. Cuddy tells him he should consider dipping into his secret-secret-secret stash. Easier said than done, as that stash is so secret even House doesn't know where it is.
Book 'me, Danno.
Oh wait, yes he does. It's in a book in his office, the exact same place I once hid my third testicle. Good thing it's in his office, because that's where the Outhouses have gathered to try and diagnose Alice's problem. Without House. So far, they're leaning toward pancreatitis. As soon as he has his pills, he asks who has gallstones and why do they care. Foreman points out that Alice is just six, and six-year-olds don't get gallstones. Yeah, and normally they don't get raped and strangled in their basements either, but JonBenet would beg to differ.
Just one problem: there are no gallstones on the film. Which means House is basing his theory on the existence of invisible gallstones. That doesn't stop Chase from agreeing with House, though. Hey, if Australians will believe that a dingo eats babies, I guess they'll believe anything.
Wait, House's theory is actually vanishing gallstones. Which are totally different from invisible gallstones. She had one and passed it on the ride. But since gallstones usually travel in packs, he wants to do an ultrasound to find the others. If he's right, they'll remove her gallbladder so they can analyze the stones. Somehow, that should take care of the pancreatitis too. While they're doing the ultrasound, Foreman and Cameron gang up on Chase for kissing House's ass. Cameron says it's Chase's father's fault that he's such a sycophant: his dad was an ass, but as long as Chase did what he wanted, he got what he wanted. A cushy job and a cushy life. Chase points out the fatal flaw in Cameron's theory: he was cut out of his dad's cushy will. Foreman's theory, on the other hand, is that it's just Chase's nature. He's hardwired to kiss ass. Turns out this time the ass-kissing was called for, though, as House's theory was right. Alice does have gallstones. Where's your theory now, Foreman? (Said in my best Edward G. Robinson voice.)
Chase gets to break the news to Alice's parents: Not only does she have gallstones; they want to remove her gallbladder. Dad's totally fine with it, because he's also a kiss-ass. Mom, on the other hand, is not a fan of tossing anyone's salad and refuses to approve the operation. Dad thinks she said no because he said yes, but Mom assures him that she's capable of her own thoughts. And right now, she thinks he's a kiss-ass. But she still won't approve the surgery. In fact, she wants to get a second opinion before they start removing their child's organs. Nice, but she really ought to get a second opinion on her hair cut first.
"Who's number one?"
Cuddy finds DMo Popo in an office going through old files. She thinks that's an effective use of taxpayer dollars. He says he's off this week. He must have a lot of vacation time if he can waste an entire week at the hospital. Stupid government workers. Cuddy accuses Trigger of personalizing House's case, but he denies it. Then why did Wilson have to shut down his practice? And why is her staff afraid to do anything for fear of DMo Popo's wrath? He thinks she's angry at the wrong person. Besides, "this is how he gets what he wants," he tells her. He puts pressure on people. Geez, whatever happened to dinner and a movie? He says if it doesn't work on Wilson, it'll work on Cuddy. And if doesn't work on Cuddy, it'll definitely work on the evil monkey in Chris's closet.
Cuddy says that DMo Popo punishes the innocent. He disagrees, saying that none of them are innocent; not one of them has told him the truth about House. And that truth is he really has a British accent. Cuddy says the pills allow House to cope with the pain. DMo thinks they just allow him to distort reality. House is an addict. And he needs to find a different way to cope before he kills somebody. Or, at the very least, leaves another rectal thermometer in someone's ass for two hours.
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Comments (7)
i'm really annoyed by this cop. doesn't he take time off of being annoying to get laid?
1 of 7 | Posted by nurseratched
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Posted on December 2, 2006 2:26 PM
My Super Sweet 16 is one of those shows that I laugh it even as I cringe in horror.
"Chase went down with just one punch from a skinny cripple. That's sad. Steve Erwin would be so disappointed, if he hadn't have gone down with one punch himself."
you are a sick puppy cg (get it? -- puppy?!)
I really should watch this show...
hb
2 of 7 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on December 2, 2006 4:29 PM
Thanks copygodd, I needed this recap. Not because I watch House (I don't) but because it was so witty. And clever- you even worked in a Shakespeare reference!
So will the parents sue House for removing Alice's perfectly good gallbladder?
Here's my brother's version of what happens at the 51 minute mark:
House- "Wait a minute, I was on drugs, she just has a cold".
Everyone else- "Wow, he's such a great doctor".
3 of 7 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on December 3, 2006 10:22 AM
Is anyone else tired of the writers' efforts to "expand" the show each year?
Every year they come up with a dead-end, tired plot line they can put the B-story on (rich, obnoxious guy taking over, trying to fire House; ex-girlfriend of House; this year's retaliatory cop). None of these stories have anywhere to go (obviously, House wasn't going to be fired; he's obviously not going to spend the next 10 years (or even 10 weeks) in prison or lose his license to practice), so there's no real jeopardy.
They should spend more time trying to change up the "I'm sure this is what's wrong -- oops we damn near killed the patient -- I'm playing Nintendo and come up with the answer out of the blue at the 52 minute mark" arc that the show has every week.
House is a very entertaining character and very well-played, but eventually, the formula's going to be played out.
4 of 7 | Posted by cunningwatcher
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Posted on December 3, 2006 3:09 PM
I really love the fact that everyone loves House, but thinks DMo is an asshole. In this episode, both their initial conversations with Cuddy were shockingly similar, if not the same. I, in fact, love this story arc, merely for the fact that no one seems to ever pick up on the fact that House's nemesis is House, but with a gun. Who wants to bet that Wilson gives some stupid excuse, and DMo's head explodes at the sheer stupidity, and WIlson has sex with the now empty spinal column? That would be a satisfying conclusion of this arc... Imagine if they became each other's rehab sponsors in exchange for dropping the charges, and an apology from House, that would make a great Halloween episode.
5 of 7 | Posted by M
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Posted on December 3, 2006 7:58 PM
I have to say I never thought I would get there, but I didn't even watch this episode. My girlfriend and I were so tired of the whole David Morse arc that we decided to rely on copygodd's great recap. Thanks for keeping us up to date, I hope the season gets better soon.
6 of 7 | Posted by Fitz
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Posted on December 5, 2006 1:37 PM
A My Super Sweet 16 marathon? I don't know if any of you have ever watched that show or not, but after catching just a couple episodes last year, I think I understand why the terrorists hate us
HAHAHAHAH I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU
7 of 7 | Posted by memyI
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Posted on December 5, 2006 1:52 PM