Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment - 
by copygodd
That's right, folks, wake the kids and phone the neighbors, it's the final showdown between good and evil. In one corner, wearing black trunks and representing evil, is DMo Popo. And in the other, wearing greyish trunks and representing, um, a little less evil, is House. Unless you consider drug addictions, stealing from dead people and/or berating your colleagues to be good, in which case you should imagine House wearing white trunks. Or a banana hammock. Your call.
Tonight's episode starts off with what appears to be the BET version of Backdraft. While putting out a raging fire (in his pants!), one fireman becomes disoriented and starts stumbling back toward the fire. No! Doesn't he know you're not supposed to go into the light? Especially when that light is coming from a burning building. Why is he doing something so stupid? Is there a baby in there? Someone's screenplay? Marshmallows? Nope, he's just cold. Geez, why didn't you say so instead of freaking everybody out? I know when I'm feeling a bit nippy, there's nothing I like more than walking into a burning building. Although first I'll put on extra shirt, because I don't like it when people stare at my superfluous and preternaturally large fifth nipple.
Anywho, the dude's really cold, which, unless you're a married woman, is not normal. And when something's not normal, who you gonna call? Outhouses!
The night HE came home.
While Cameron examines the fireman's body, we see that's he's covered in skin grafts. Either he's been badly burned in the past, or he's auditioning for the Jim Rose Circus. I'm betting that one of the people he got the skin grafts from was always cold, and he's picking up residual memories through the skin. Although it would be much cooler (get it?) if the skin came from a serial killer and it turned Derek into a psycho and he went on a butchering rampage through the rest of the episode. At least that's how I'd write it. Which explains why my story about zombie Jesus didn't win the last contest in which I entered it. Anyway, mrs. copygodd thinks my theory is stupid, so I guess we'll just continue with the recap. Based on Derek's actions at the fire, and the fact that his temperature is fluctuating up and down, Cameron decides to refer him to House. One problem: House has a speaking engagement. In his pants! Actually, he's in court.
Here's a surprise: House pleads "not guilty" to every charge against him. So the judge sets a date for a preliminary hearing next week. Afterward, House wants to go talk to DMo Popo about his hair, but DwayneWayne is having none of it. This trial is his ticket back into prime time, and he needs to drag it out as long as possible. So there's no way he's letting House talk to DMo Popo about anything. Not even haircuts.
Back at the hospital, House isn't in the mood to work on the case and tries to leave. Cameron, once more displaying her massive cajones (I'm betting she got them in Trinidad, Colorado, won't let him off so easily. She has a counter to every one of his suggestions, and gets right in his face, blocking his every move. She's not asking him to dance; she's asking him to do his job. Although later she was thinking maybe they could do the horizontal bop?
Next, Cuddy summons House to her office for some higher learning. Actually, she tells him he needs to talk to DMo Popo, as he's the only one who can get the DA to drop the case. When House objects, Cuddy blows up and tells him everything is his fault: "YOU used the rectal thermometer! YOU insulted him instead of apologizing! YOU flaunted his drug use in his face! YOU refused to accept the deal! And then YOU blamed everything on the Jews! And stop calling me Sugar Tits. Seriously. It's demeaning." Oh, and he also stole a dead guy's pills. Allegedly. Before kicking him out of her office, she gives him a prescription for his precious Vicodin. At least now he'll stop stealing from dead people.
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