That's right, folks, wake the kids and phone the neighbors, it's the final showdown between good and evil. In one corner, wearing black trunks and representing evil, is DMo Popo. And in the other, wearing greyish trunks and representing, um, a little less evil, is House. Unless you consider drug addictions, stealing from dead people and/or berating your colleagues to be good, in which case you should imagine House wearing white trunks. Or a banana hammock. Your call.
Tonight's episode starts off with what appears to be the BET version of Backdraft. While putting out a raging fire (in his pants!), one fireman becomes disoriented and starts stumbling back toward the fire. No! Doesn't he know you're not supposed to go into the light? Especially when that light is coming from a burning building. Why is he doing something so stupid? Is there a baby in there? Someone's screenplay? Marshmallows? Nope, he's just cold. Geez, why didn't you say so instead of freaking everybody out? I know when I'm feeling a bit nippy, there's nothing I like more than walking into a burning building. Although first I'll put on extra shirt, because I don't like it when people stare at my superfluous and preternaturally large fifth nipple.
Anywho, the dude's really cold, which, unless you're a married woman, is not normal. And when something's not normal, who you gonna call? Outhouses!
The night HE came home.
While Cameron examines the fireman's body, we see that's he's covered in skin grafts. Either he's been badly burned in the past, or he's auditioning for the Jim Rose Circus. I'm betting that one of the people he got the skin grafts from was always cold, and he's picking up residual memories through the skin. Although it would be much cooler (get it?) if the skin came from a serial killer and it turned Derek into a psycho and he went on a butchering rampage through the rest of the episode. At least that's how I'd write it. Which explains why my story about zombie Jesus didn't win the last contest in which I entered it. Anyway, mrs. copygodd thinks my theory is stupid, so I guess we'll just continue with the recap. Based on Derek's actions at the fire, and the fact that his temperature is fluctuating up and down, Cameron decides to refer him to House. One problem: House has a speaking engagement. In his pants! Actually, he's in court.
Here's a surprise: House pleads "not guilty" to every charge against him. So the judge sets a date for a preliminary hearing next week. Afterward, House wants to go talk to DMo Popo about his hair, but DwayneWayne is having none of it. This trial is his ticket back into prime time, and he needs to drag it out as long as possible. So there's no way he's letting House talk to DMo Popo about anything. Not even haircuts.
Back at the hospital, House isn't in the mood to work on the case and tries to leave. Cameron, once more displaying her massive cajones (I'm betting she got them in Trinidad, Colorado, won't let him off so easily. She has a counter to every one of his suggestions, and gets right in his face, blocking his every move. She's not asking him to dance; she's asking him to do his job. Although later she was thinking maybe they could do the horizontal bop?
Next, Cuddy summons House to her office for some higher learning. Actually, she tells him he needs to talk to DMo Popo, as he's the only one who can get the DA to drop the case. When House objects, Cuddy blows up and tells him everything is his fault: "YOU used the rectal thermometer! YOU insulted him instead of apologizing! YOU flaunted his drug use in his face! YOU refused to accept the deal! And then YOU blamed everything on the Jews! And stop calling me Sugar Tits. Seriously. It's demeaning." Oh, and he also stole a dead guy's pills. Allegedly. Before kicking him out of her office, she gives him a prescription for his precious Vicodin. At least now he'll stop stealing from dead people.
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Comments (16)
So you can steal pills as a doctor as long as they have been secretly switched out with fake ones? Stupid way to wither out of this plot line if you ask me.
1 of 16 | Posted by cincy_josh
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Posted on January 12, 2007 8:10 AM
I took that last conversation with Wilson a little different. I felt like house was just telling him that he was still on the Vico and everything was lie in order to not let Wilson know that he had gone pussy. He was trying to keep up his "I am tough and emotionally unavailable."
Dunno, maybe just me
2 of 16 | Posted by PaulieWalnutz
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Posted on January 12, 2007 9:51 AM
cg - you've outdone yourself with this one.
You managed to whine about Ohio's loss, your 5th nipple, AND the fact that zombie Jesus didn't win the award in the first four paragraphs.
I got the following references:
Rocky (pick a number)
Backdraft (da)
Ghostbusters
Mel Gibson
Donald Trump
Barbara Walters;Rosie and the other 2 bitches
Facts of Life
Who put the bop in the bop sh-bop sh-bop?
Spinal Tap
EdHill balls
Dirty Dancing
Brokeback Mountain
And the Dan Rather sign-off was the best way to go out.
Gonna miss these little gems of copygodd!
hb
3 of 16 | Posted by HoneyBunny
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Posted on January 12, 2007 10:53 AM
Also a Chappelle Show mention from the Wayne Brady episode with the choking screencap.
TVGasm, I wish I could quit you.
Great recap, thanks!
4 of 16 | Posted by RealityMonkey
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Posted on January 12, 2007 11:19 AM
So if a third nipple means you're the man with the golden gun, what does the fifth nipple make you?
5 of 16 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on January 12, 2007 11:35 AM
Wait, were you referring to a dog licking my balls, or me licking my own balls? Cuz I've experienced both. I prefer myself, cuz I know all the good spots.
And who doesnt love fireman cam?
So dutring this whole "were erasing all your memories" thing, they never actually told anyone else that they were doing it? Not his brother? They had to wait until after to find out taht whoops, they werenyt actuayl getting married. ANd no way id fry all my memories jsut to forget some chick. Grease: You're the one That I Want maybe. But not a chick.
A third nipple is one thing, BUt I have 3 vulva's. Try living with that.
6 of 16 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on January 12, 2007 6:19 PM
Oh yeah, Nice use of the word preternaturally. You use your mouth pertier than a dog licking my balls.
7 of 16 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on January 12, 2007 6:21 PM
I was wondering the same thing about why they didn't ask the brother if it was true that he and that firechick were engaged. Seems like a major decision to wipe out someone's memory without doing a little research!
I'm glad the whole House vs. Evil Cop storyline is now put to rest. Can't believe that he actually wished House good luck at the end of that hearing. What a jerk.
I loved the "BET version of Backdraft" comment! I thought the same thing! Awesome recap, I laughed the whole time!
8 of 16 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on January 13, 2007 6:52 AM
They were pretty eager to zap the guy’s brain. You would think that, since they normally talk to relatives about the procedures and their effects, that they’d tell the brother WHY they were doing it or WHY his brother was having multiple heart attacks. It seems the Housettes are capable of malpractice even without House constantly goading them on. Not only that, but a quick search on Google shows that broken heart syndrome is the result of adrenaline and other stress hormones building up in the body, and patients can recover on their own with no permanent damage to the heart, so it’s not it was a last-minute decision of life and death. Sure seems like a “Doh!” moment for the House and the Houselings.
Moving onto House’s trial, I agree with cincy_josh. If you steal a large diamond from a jewelry store but it turns out to be cubic zirconium, does it mean you're off the hook? And how does one bottle of placebos erase the dozens of bottles they found in his home? Wasn’t the original charge possession of drugs with intent to sell? And what about all those forged prescriptions, with the testimony they were planning to subpoena from Wilson? The writers must have forgotten how they were going to end the arc because it was a total cop-out (ha ha, because the COP is OUT. ZING.) Here’s hoping the show hasn’t completely jumped the shark this season.
9 of 16 | Posted by foamingmonkey
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Posted on January 14, 2007 2:19 PM
Lame, lame, lame. I expected better. The entire resolution to the DMo vs. House conundrum was botched and oversimplified. Also, that judge would have had a couple of bailiffs stop House before he could leave and thrown him in a cell.
So, now what? I guess we need to rationalize that it's better that House IS an addict that must have his meds in order to function as a human being (well, in his case, sort of) and move on. I know lots of people who are in that condition and live normal lives. Besides, in House's case it's like he's a patient with high blood pressure condemned to take his daily meds, or, even worse, a diabetic. Leave the junkie alone.
I disagree. Cuddy will not (or can't) use her power over House. Not unless she wishes to be charged with perjury. Besides, she always falls on House's side.
This last show was pretty poor, plotwise. Let's hope the next plot thread is better than this was. Be a shame to waste a fine actor's turn on the boob tube.
10 of 16 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on January 14, 2007 5:46 PM
"So if a third nipple means you're the man with the golden gun, what does the fifth nipple make you?"
A cat- or a character on South Park, take your pick.
Loved the recap, copygodd even though the episode sounded lame. Maybe the outhouses need to do a few more tests before frying a patient's memories. Seems like a "only if he's going to die in the next few minutes" kind of step. And the end to the DMo Popo arc was such a let down. I think a better story line would be House in prison where he saves the life of the warden's hot teen age daughter (who likes to wash her car in front of the prisoners) and gets rewarded with an early release.
11 of 16 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on January 15, 2007 11:11 AM
"A cat- or a character on South Park, take your pick."
Ah, a South Park ref. Thanks, Zevonia.
12 of 16 | Posted by brilliantmistake
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Posted on January 15, 2007 11:47 AM
thx all.
hb, you missed the halloween reference. d'oh!
13 of 16 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on January 15, 2007 12:41 PM
I have been waiting for WEEKS to say this:
DMO POPO NO MO!!!!!
Wheeeee! God, I hated his character and the whole idiotic storyline. Like I hated that other "Cousin Oliver" admin guy they put in. Just LEAVE THE MIX ALONE.
14 of 16 | Posted by killbondnow
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Posted on January 16, 2007 6:48 PM
Love House. Love Hugh Laurie. Bored with the whole House-on-Vicodin angle. Over it. Was hoping for a new and improved yet nonetheless curmudgeonly Houseboy doing his doctor thing somehow unmedicated.
Let's do something new and different PLEASE!
15 of 16 | Posted by sadie
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Posted on January 17, 2007 12:20 PM
i love these recaps! just one little thing, he doesn't have 'mercers', it's MRSA (often pronounced as mersa)
16 of 16 | Posted by jb9
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Posted on January 18, 2007 3:37 AM