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House does a terrible James Bond villain impersonation while stroking the cat and waving a cigar. Or maybe he's waving the cat and stroking the cigar. "Blofeld didn't smoke a cigar," says 13. So she's a Bond expert, but doesn't know Duran Duran? Shenanigans! Who does she think did the "View to a Kill" theme? House jumps from cigars to money to Louie's finances. He snooped Louie's portfolio and his stocks are in the tank-and why did his friend the suit send him a box of cigars, anyway? Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we just skip the part of the show where they talk about what might be wrong with the patient? No? But it's SO BORING! Fine, then. Maybe the cat is killing people by carrying some kind of worms that are transferred through the air. Yeah, I'm sure that's what's going on.

Louie tells Kumar that he is indeed having money trouble but doesn't want to tell his wife. I sense a pattern with Louie here. 13 shows up to announce that the POW doesn't have worms. Fleas maybe, but no worms. The whole crew takes a walk with House, who's pushing a crash cart. "Why are you pushing a cart?" asks Kumar. "Because they haven't yet invented a crash tractor for me to drive wildly around the hallways." They go down to the coma room, which looks an awful lot like the morgue from last week. "Why are we in the coma patients' room?" asks Kumar. Why this, why that? He's like a five-year-old this week. House is hiding the cat in the cart, and he wants to test the cat on the coma patients. Kumar is creeped out by the cat and says something about alpha waves and psychic phenomena. Louie thinks House screwed up and misinterpreted the POW's breathing and she just had a panic attack, Louie also notices a sudden rash on one coma patient. His chart says he's allergic to cats. Doh. This provides Death Cat with the perfect opportunity to cozy up next to one of the patients. "Good news!" says House to Coma Guy. If you don't die tonight, you'll finally have done something good for the world, as opposed to your life as a... (READS the CHART) ...fireman." The dialogue, it is on tonight! House wants them to test Judy for a cat allergy.

Back at the office, Cuddy does not approve of the dirty litter box in the middle of the floor. I don't know what she's on about. We saw her apartment a few episodes back and House's office is much tidier. Which reminds me: remember that baby she just picked up? Adapting rather quickly to motherhood, aren't we? Cuddy says the Houseguests are done with the allergy test, and it was negative, so the POW is out on the street. "Who told you about the test? Was it Taub?" "I'll never say, but yes." Hee hee. House says Judy has a breathing problem and they need to figure it out before it happens again. "Wish there was a lawsuit cat, it could warn you." This recap is writing itself this week. What am I losing all this sleep for?

House's last resort is to take Judy outside and blow cigar smoke in her face, while asking her why she's so superstitious. You see, it all started about four years ago (*FLASHBACK SOUNDS*), when her stepson choked on his snack and died. Make that ex-stepson; she's divorced, and etiquette says you have to add the extra prefix. I know because I have half a dozen ex-step-siblings wandering the earth. Take my advice, parents: go ahead and stay together for the kids. And don't let them drink aquarium cleaner. But I digress. So she's superstitious because she wants life to have meaning. House's prepared retort about the random meaninglessness of life is interrupted by another coughing spell from the POW. Looks like God's getting tired of the soapbox, Doc. Now she can stay! Woohoo!

House throws out another diagnosis and tells Louie to clean the litter box, since he ratted House out to Cuddy. Louie walks, and Kumar follows him out to start testing the POW. As he picks up his bag, the cat jumps out from where House was hiding it. Kumar tells House to lay off ragging him about superstition already. Wow, everyone is testy this week. Where's Cameron when you need her? No, seriously, where is Cameron?

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Posted in House by Copyhacker at 9:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: copyhacker on Mar 22, 2009 06:47 PM.