I can't lie; I haven't been watching House, mostly because of those whiney interns of his. I heard delicious rumors he had relieved himself of most of them and was pleased to have stepped in on this recap. As if House didn't have a hideous bedside manner in person, he's now practicing medicine via videoconferencing. And he's hot for Mira Sorvino. But then again, who isn't?
Rebel Leaders, watch out for Snow Walkers!
This episode of House opens on the ice planet of Hoth. Luke Skywalker is fixing windmills...wait a minute! That's earth. Booooring. Anyway, this guy sucks at fixing windmills, because one of them shears off and flies straight towards him, although if you paid careful attention it was twisting away from him so when it hit the ground, I think it would have flown in the opposite direction. But I digress with mere details.
One of the pieces of the metal hits the guy in the leg and blood squirts everywhere. Cool! You can totally see the red all over the snow as he cries like a baby and calls for help. At least it didn't tear his leg completely off, although I guess being in a freezing place makes it easier to put the limb on ice until a surgeon can get to it.
A woman comes running towards him, sort of like Baywatch but in snow, and with less bounce. Blame the parka. He says, "It's not bleeding," and she says, "That's because the blood freezes as it hits the air." Blood cubes! Perfect for the vampire in your life. He's cut his femoral artery, so isn't it good it stopped bleeding? Because, you know? Death?
Back inside they both take off their ski masks so we can see how hot they are, and the woman turns out to be none other than Mighty Aphrodite's Mira Sorvino. She says she has to fix his artery right now, in the hallway from Hoth to the indoors. Uh, methinks you may need a SURGEON for this, not a ketchup squirt bottle of some liquid. She actually glues his artery shut - hope she used Gorilla Glue, that stuff works like a charm on anything! Then she has him duct tape his leg. Is there anything duct tape can't fix? I need a tummy tuck - wait, I'll just duct tape flat abs!
Is there anything duct tape can't fix?
"I thought I was done," the guy says.
"Yeah, like I'd let anything happen to you. You are the only one who can fix the generators." And not that well, apparently. I have a feeling she's going to spend the next couple of months slicing open Tauntauns to keep warm. She tries to help him stand up then she gasps, falls over, and barfs up some radioactive waste. Rolling around, she says "I need help." Good catch, Nancy Drew.
"Who am I supposed to get?" Oh crap, is she the only doctor there? Who will squirt the glue next time? And...scene.
House is in a patient's room flipping channels when Cuddy walks in wondering why she ever gave him an office. Or a job, I'm guessing. Her entire legal team wonders the same thing each week. Handing him a file, she says, "New case. Psych Department asked for you personally." It's like my sales team tracking me down.
"The patient's a crazy person?" You wish.
"You're a crazy person." Awesome comeback, thanks writer's strike.
"The patient's a psychiatrist." Wait. A shrink who knows how to glue a femoral artery? I mean, I know they go to medical school, but that's pretty specific almost-surgery. Or is she the MacGyver of shrinks? Putting psyches back together with paperclips and tube socks? Man, that would have saved me a ton of money on therapy!
House whines that he cannot get cable. That's why I switched to satellite! Cuddy informs House that the budget committee voted to charge people for cable. Nothing like kicking people when they are down. Hope they can afford a staff full of new nurses, because patients are going to become huge beyotches without cable, my friends. Cuddy blabbers on about the patient and finally catches House's ear.
"The patient is trapped at the South Pole." Yes, finally a patient House can get behind - one that's not actually at the hospital!
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Comments (2)
Great recap, I didn't think we would ever see one for this episode. I really liked the Mira/House dynamic. I would love to see her in another guest spot.
1 of 2 | Posted by Fitz | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:40 AM
I really enjoyed this episode, but not nearly as much as I enjoyed your recap.
Honestly, I was laughing out loud like a mental patient.
Great job! You made my day.
2 of 2 | Posted by treeqtr | Posted on February 14, 2008 8:36 PM