Wilson's in the elevator with Foreman and House so they don't have to pay extras to mill about in the hospital lobby, and so he can bore us with more questions about Wilson's girlfriend. House figures it has to be someone they both know, otherwise Wilson could have told her his name.
"That narrows it down to Cuddy, your ex-wives..."
"Your MOMMA!" Wilson shoots back and walks off the elevator. Oh no he didn't. Yes. Yes he did.
Wilson suggests running a kidney function test, except she's in a coma and can't run one. If only there was someone else staying with her. Think people, think! And then the horrible happens:
"Drink her urine?" Femoral asks. I stop drinking my beer for a moment.
"If it has a strong concentrated taste, it mean the problem's in her kidneys. Watery taste means it's her brain." Wouldn't just looking at the color or smelling it be the same? Does it have to involve tasting?
"How do I get the urine out?" Femoral asks. Dude! He's totally going to do it!
"That's your only question?" House asks. Amen, House, I would have had way more than that! "Wait a minute...you're in love with her." Oh no, love triangle. And one angle is far, far away from the South Pole.
House gets back to berating the kids, telling them they got Cameron fired. Oh, I wish. They know she wasn't, now they know he knows, and so on until infinity. Basically this was all an exercise to get them to not take his crap. Long way to go for a "teachable moment," House. Oy.
Chug it! Chug it!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Femoral is totally drinking the urine! Seriously, he's downing it like it's fresh lemonade or something. Sip and spit! What grosses me out more is that he just seems to spit it out all over the place, then doesn't even rinse out. I would have done it over a sink and immediately had a toothbrush, paste, and mouthwash all going at once. Ick! And I sure as hell wouldn't do it on camera. You know that's going to end up on YouTube no matter how much House swears he didn't record it.
Femoral says it tastes watery, which means it's a problem with her brain. Foreman guesses it's increased intracranial pressure or her hypothalamus. What to do, what to do....House knows! Drill a hole in her head to decrease the pressure. Nice. And? It won't fix the problem, it will just decrease the pressure on her brain to buy them more time. Urine drinking and skull drilling. Who says they don't know how to have fun in the South?
Femoral freaks out, much less that I would have bet at this point. House promises to not let him "hurt her." Femoral agrees and gets the drill set up, a little too quickly too if truth be told. He brings the bit down on her temple and I get squeamish and have to hold my hand up to the TV like I do with most medical shows. He can't seem to get through the skull and Foreman says, "Lean into it." BLECH! Hello lobotomy, goodbye years of study. Her cracks through (seriously, that was totally gross). She wakes up! It's a Christmas miracle! Maybe the Hello Kitty band-aids will take her mind off the fact that she has a huge hole in her head. Wonder if he used a regular bit, or a cement bit?
My worst nightmare!
House is back with the kids outside the "patient room" going back and forth about her condition. Kumar thinks it could be non-clot clots, some kind of Fat Emboli. Doesn't Fat Emboli sound like the newest hip-hop singer on the block? "Have you heard the new one from Fat Emboli? I'm totally downloading that when I get home!" You kids and your music these days.
House dismisses this because it requires an un-repaired bone breakage. "Between the X-ray and exam, I've seen her entire - " Wait a minute, she wasn't completely naked was she? He should ask for his money back right now!
"Take off her socks!" House says to Femoral, who removes her right sock. Her big toe is broken and the marrow is leaking from her toe into her system causing the blockages all over. She didn't know her toe was broken because it was so cold, she couldn't feel it. Which I'm not buying. Have you ever broken a big toe? It's a big part of your balancing system. She would have known, I think, the first time she went head-first into a wall. And how long had it been since she showered? Or changed socks? Dirty, dirty girl.
Worst pedicure ever!
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Comments (2)
Great recap, I didn't think we would ever see one for this episode. I really liked the Mira/House dynamic. I would love to see her in another guest spot.
1 of 2 | Posted by Fitz | Posted on February 14, 2008 11:40 AM
I really enjoyed this episode, but not nearly as much as I enjoyed your recap.
Honestly, I was laughing out loud like a mental patient.
Great job! You made my day.
2 of 2 | Posted by treeqtr | Posted on February 14, 2008 8:36 PM