Now that I've had a couple hours' sleep after finishing the last recap, who's ready for the big finale and the inevitable post-nooky awkwardness? It's probably best that last week's episode is still fresh for me, since they're really two parts of a two-hour finale. I think. Anyway, let's roll.
Here comes the cold open. Some jerk is boring the snot out of his date at a nice restaurant when the guy at the next table throws a roll at him. He does the douchey thing and walks over to confront the thrower, who denies throwing anything. The thrower gets up, shakes his hand-and dumps water on the jerk with his other hand. Luckily, right before getting pounded into pasta, blood starts to trickle from his eye and he passes out. Whew, close call, he's the lover-not-a-fighter type, amirite? Unfortunately for us, this means we have another pointless Patient of the Week to suck screen time away from the main plot. All the Huddy shippers in the House say boo!
Boo frickin hoo.
House wakes up alone in his bed and smiles a very un-Housey smile. He does a Victory Limp to the bathroom, where he finds lipstick on his cheek and a tube of the stuff sitting on the counter. What, no note on the mirror? No scratches on the back? Must not have been that great.
Louie is already at work, talking to Cameron down in the ER and asking about the dress code for the wedding. Cameron smiles brightly, says there's been "a glitch" with the wedding, and changes the subject to the POW. House is going to want to see this guy, she says. He has bloody tears and seizure issues. OK, he only had one strategically placed bloody tear, but I promise, the seizure is interesting! A little while back he had the two sides of his brain surgically disconnected to help cure the seizures... aaaaand... his right hand doesn't know what the left is doing. Literally. Only she calls it... wait for it...
Alien Hand Syndrome.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Hey, remember Exploding Head Syndrome Guy from a couple of weeks ago? What if they got together? Because I think Alien Head Syndrome would be even cooler. And Exploding Hand Syndrome would make for some great practical jokes. Louie agrees House might like this one and takes the file.
Upstairs, the Houseguests are all convened in the War Room when House bops in and warns them that he's in a good mood. Maybe he's got Alien House Syndrome, because this House is perky and sassy and basically starring in his own Enzyte commercial. He also mentions that he is pain-free. Wow, that was some detox, huh? Apparently rehab would be much funner and quicker if it included hot sex. And definitely more popular. Are you listening, Nevada? There's a business plan there somewhere.
But let's talk about the POW for a second or two. There is a brief Houseguest Debate about whether the right brain is even important. House says no, which is surprising coming from a guy who makes his living off his intuition and who has a room full of vintage musical instruments. 13 suggests autoimmune. Isn't it a little early to play that card? Before we can get too far into another boring chalk talk, enter Cuddy. Yes! "Good morning sunshine! I have a brand-new toy!" sings House. Cuddy counters with a "We need to talk," and takes him into the other room, where she does the expected thing and gives him the "I'm your boss" speech. Without ever mentioning the specifics of what happened last night. Just file that away for later, k?
House is unfazed by the canned speech, cuz he's got her lipstick in his pocket, oh yeah. He bops over to Wilson's to drop the news: He Hit That, and he's feeling no pain. "Wow," says Wilson. "Wow. One for each." "That's what she said," says House. No. No, you did not. That does it. "That's what she said" is now officially the Wassuuup of the 2000s.
You made a woman meow?
"So how are you going to screw it up?" Wilson asks. House says he already got the About Last Night speech, which Wilson interprets as 1) she's in love but doesn't want to move too fast, or 2) she thinks she made a mistake. Which pretty much covers it, huh, Dr. Obvious? His Obvious Advice: go talk to her. Didn't he just try that?
« Keeping Up With The Kardasians: The Binds That Strangle | Main | 90210: How Could It Hurt You If It Looks So Good? »
Comments (3)
Excellent use of When Harry met Sally! Now I need to go watch it again...
1 of 3 | Posted by hillpete | Posted on May 16, 2009 4:39 PM
Well, this show saved itself from being totally ludicrous. If House had really been cured by Cuddy's love, that would have been the dumbest thing ever.
I wish they wouldn't take the show so seriously and would just go back to it being fun. House (the show and the doctor) used to be so much funnier.
2 of 3 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 16, 2009 9:49 PM
On the one hand, 'it was all a dream' makes me want to gag. On the other, the fake one-night Vicodin detox and roll in the hay were so absurdly implausible I was calling shenanigans. So I guess they're back to "I dunno" for me. meh. Jury's out.
When I saw Kutner, for a second I thought that his suicide, too, had been a hallucination. Way to totally confuse your (less and less) loyal fans guys.
Great recaps for a shitty season. Here's hoping it's less lame next year.
3 of 3 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on May 17, 2009 7:58 PM