So last week's episode was titled "House Divided". If you're a history dork, you might know the whole quote: "A House divided against itself cannot stand." I think Abe Lincoln said it, and you know, if he shaved and then grew back about a week's worth of stubble, he'd look a little bit like one Greg House. Reaching? Maybe so, but that cannot spell good things for House at the end of the season. Of course, in the last couple of season finales, he's been shot, got amnesia from a bus crash and I think he was clinically dead somewhere in there too, so I'd say the chances of him escaping Season 5 unscathed are slim. But enough about the main character. Let's go see who this week's Patient of the Week will be, so we can forget about them later. Let's go to the ballet! The main guy (what do you call the male star of a ballet? A baller?) is nervous about a scene where he lifts the ballerina up. Seems he has a bad back and is afraid of wiping out and dropping the girl on her butt. The production team clusters anxiously around a bunch of Macs to see if they'll pull off the move.
Or is that the House writing staff?
He lifts her up over his head. Yay! Something goes pop. Boo! They both crash to the ground and... the woman can't breathe. POW Fakeout, again!
House is chillaxing at home, having taken the day off to listen to Amber playing badly on the ukelele and complaining that she tried to kill Chase. How is it that House is a musical prodigy but his brain can't play in tune? IDEA! Amber is House's cold, clinical, misanthropic genius side. What's left is all the good stuff, like when Darth Vader takes off his mask. (Did you know that this episode aired on Star Wars Day? May the Fourth be with you! Har har har!) If you remember last week's episode, Amber was the one doing all the mocking and House himself was kinder and gentler. SO, back to my IDEA, it's Good House that can play piano and guitar and harmonica and whatevers. Bad House is the medical genius. You writers are so busted! The Copyhacker is onto your tricks now.
And Cuddy is onto House's tricks, because she sends Foreman over to drag him back into the hospital or he's fired. So it's either sit at home and listen to bad ukelele, or go to work and listen to Amber play Medical Trivial Pursuit in his head.
The POW's lungs are collapsing and they can't seem to blow them back up. House is finding it impossible to focus, and the Houseguests are giving him funny looks whenever he pays attention to Amber (who is definitely meaner this week), so he gives up and tells Wilson about his hallucinations. Only he says he's seeing Kumar instead of Amber (the other person he feels guilty about). He starts doing Name That Disease on himself, comes up with sleep apnea, and asks Wilson to keep an eye on him. Hey, I have an idea. Can we just not have a POW for one episode? I'm sure there will turn out to be all kinds of fascinating parallels between House and the Case of the Choking Ballerina, but House is a lot more interesting. Too many characters = too many subplots.
Speaking of too many subplots, Camerase is chillaxing at home (and now I promise I am done with that word forever) when Cameron, apropos of nothing, decides now would be a good time to drop a small secret: she's been saving her dead husband's sperm. She got it from him right after he got terminally sick. Why? Because she's Cameron, and she does things that are a little on the creepy side of sentimental.
Don't be jealous. Want to see my collection of your shower pubes?
Chase doesn't have time to be jealous, because what Cameron is really asking for is a sample of his sperm to hang onto forever and ever in case he dies in a tragically romantic way and she never marries again. Um, I don't want to assume that you guys are living in sin or anything, but I'm pretty sure you've had ample opportunity to collect that sample yourself, chicky. Chase finally discovers the ability to put two and two together and realizes Cameron has serious commitment issues.
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Comments (5)
Awesome re-cap! i'm starting to enjoy these more than the show itself :P
keep it up! :D
1 of 5 | Posted by KrispyDixie | Posted on May 11, 2009 10:31 PM
I know House is having an off season, but following up a miracle one-night Vicodin detox sans IV or anything, with a sexcapade in the morning is beyond my ability to set logic aside. Come ON.
And Cameron and her sperm requests.. good lord.
2 of 5 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on May 12, 2009 10:41 AM
I have never really liked this show since it started taking itself and House too seriously. But now it is just getting ludicrous--and bad.
But I still love the recaps.
3 of 5 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 12, 2009 8:34 PM
Oh the guys don't "ballet" they "danse." There is the prima ballerina and the premier danseur, I believe.
4 of 5 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on May 12, 2009 8:38 PM
where are youuuuuuuuuuuu?
5 of 5 | Posted by kissmymanolos | Posted on October 24, 2009 11:47 AM