Testimonials

House catches some Z's in the sleep lab to try and prove sleep apnea, but ends up ruling it out. He has about four things left on his list and "pills" is last. Well, if we skipped right to the actual problem, how long would this show be? Next morning, the news from POW Land is that she's still not breathing much. House wants to inject water into her windpipe. What that's supposed to do, I haven't a clue. Foreman brings up the point that this is pretty much the same as waterboarding, just to make sure we all know that there is some serious Drastic Medical Procedure shiz about to go down. (For the life of me, I can't think of waterboarding as anything other than a fun way to kill a couple hours out on the lake.) In case we still don't get the point, while the POW is WIDE AWAKE, Foreman slices her throat open with a knife and jams a tube up in there. The POW starts to squirm and Louie tries to hold her down, but slips. No wait, he didn't slip, her skin came right off under his hand. EWWW.

Later, the POW is lying in the burn unit with horrible red makeup plastered over 80% of her body.

But only 0.5 percent of her face, so there's that!

House thinks this is some kind of one-in-a-million reaction to the antibiotics they gave her earlier, maybe related to cancer. (Sure it is.) He sends Foreteen off to do some test, and is amazed to find himself feeling guilty. Realizing that guilt toward patients belongs on Scrubs and not his show, House tells Wilson that he has a new symptom: humanity. Over Wilson's objections that any other doctor would have done the same thing (and House takes that as an insult), House is going to test this farfetched theory by apologizing to the POW. If he feels better afterward, he's an actual human being; if he feels nothing, he needs a soul transplant. Or it's MS. I think we know the answer to that one already.

House delivers a well-rehearsed apology and earns a pat on the knee from Amber. He felt nothing and tells Wilson so. This must mean he has MS. Dude. Do you not watch your own show? It's never MS. Foreman catches up House to tell him they couldn't do the test he wanted (liver biopsy) because um, her SKIN is FALLING OFF. So they can't cut directly into the POW's liver, but they can go in through her jugular vein and get a piece of it. Naturally, this delicate assignment falls to the most delicate person on the payroll, one Robert Chase. (Yes, it also helps that's he's the only surgeon at the hospital.) Foreman helps out because he's like Chase's only guy friend and Chase has to tell someone about Mother's little helper; namely, one frozen shot of Dead Husband Baby Goo. Foreman, like any good guy friend, starts to tell Chase to slip out the back, Jack-but he's interrupted by Skinless Ballerina crashing. Back to the whiteboard!

Wilson sits in on the chalk talk, and House keeps glancing at him, which causes Foreman to ask House if he needs a babysitter. Because Wilson is totally the lamest choice of babysitter. He's the one that's going to make you eat your vegetables and be sure you're in bed at 9 and then do his homework. Not the cool one who'll let you stay up and play Wii with you until he sees headlights in the driveway. Anyway, that liver biopsy they just did? The one that screwed up the POW's heart? It's not cancer. Shocking, I know. House latches onto this as the reason he needed Wilson there, but he's reaching, and the kids all know it. ANYWAY, they need to look at her heart now to see what's wrong with it. Problem is, her medibabble has just gone diacritical, and besides, she HAZ NO SKIN!!!11, and so looking at her heart will be problematic. Amber has the solution, of course: slice her wrist open! No, silly, not Amber's wrist. That was just for dramatic effect. No, not the POW's wrist, her HEART.

"What is it, girl? You want us to stop her heart?" "Arf!"

« 24: Change of Heart! | Main | I Love Money 2: Bienvenido a Myammee »

Posted in House by Copyhacker at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: kissmymanolos on Oct 24, 2009 11:47 AM.