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House finds this last hallucination a bit too graphic to stomach, and skips the impending Drastic Medical Procedure to beg Wilson for help. He's all "Make her stop," and Wilson is like "Her?" and we're like "DOH!" and yes, I'm totally stealing riffs from Ack now. Wilson takes this new revelation in stride, probably because he's got the big stick of Cold Hard Truth to beat House over the head with. "House, you don't have MS. What you have is not enough blood in your Vicodin stream." House rejects this theory, since he's been Viking for approximately 4.8 seasons now, and he only just started seeing Amber when this year's May sweeps rolled around. He says no way to drug rehab, and wants to do electric shock therapy to zap Amber out of existence. Is anyone surprised that Wilson Does Not Approve? Even Amber looks a bit frowny. Turn that frown upside down, Amber, cuz it's time for a...

***OMG SHOCKING MEDICAL PROCEDURE!!***

This procedure is made even more shocking by the lack of anesthesia of any kind. I mean, one minute they're wheeling the poor chick into the MRI, the next they're zapping her with the old paddles. What, not even a "Clear!"? Everyone watches the big red Doomsday Clock, which is set to 3 minutes because every human becomes a vegetable after 3 minutes with no heartbeat. 2 minutes! 1 minute! 30 SECONDS OMG I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE! as the Houseguests try to study the MRI images for some sort of clue. House, oblivious to the suspense, has decided that ODing on insulin might chase Amber away. I'm not sure how this is supposed to work except that it certainly is dramatic. House shoots up, has a seizure and passes out as the POW wakes up.

One commercial break later, House is bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and being scolded by Wilson, but the Risky Plan seems to have worked. Amber is nowhere to be seen and House is back to his old sarcastic self. The Houseguests saw... something... on the MRI, but they don't know what it was. House watches the POW's boyfriend fawn over her, gets a lightbulb all by himself, and decides he's giving her all that attention out of guilt. But why? Oh, I know! He cheated on her, gave her gonorrhea, and that's what was on her heart! Easy peasy! House out. Several beers later, House is chillaxing (ok, so I lied about that) at a restaurant when Foreman calls to confirm that the boyfriend does have gonorrhea. Yay! Howeverz, she gave it to him, not the other way around. Boo! House just got lucky, and right-but-lucky is worse than just wrong. Luckily, he has the lounge singer to cheer him up, right? Hey, who's singing that creepy song, anyway? She sounds familiar. Why, it's Amber! Anyone else reminded of the singing frog from Bugs Bunny?

Hello ma honey, hello ma baby, hello my ragtime gal!

Now thoroughly freaked, House dials up Wilson and says he'll do the rehab. Foreman pages with POW news, as if anyone cares. The ballerina is now septic. Even Wilson is bored. He puts his dainty foot down and tells Foreman that House is done with the case. So the kids are going to have to finish this one up on their own. House ditches Wilson and goes to beg Cuddy to help him detox. This being the first date Cuddy's always dreamed of, she leaves her imaginary kid at home with the babysitter and is off like a prom dress to chez House. As for the Septic Ballerina, her heart is still borked and it's up to Chase to fix it. While he's tinkering around with that, one of the nurses notices the POW's hands and feet are turning black. Rot roh!

When she wakes up, her heart is fixed but now her hands and feet are toast and they're going to have to amputate. No way, says the POW, you can have my dancing feet when you pry them from my cold dead fingers! The Houseguests take a few minutes to consider the irony of this, and Louie decide there's only one thing left to do: cure gangrene. Without House, even. They have a pretty good shot, because a POW never leaves the House Of Pain dead or maimed in any way... UNLESS a main character is in dire straits, then the POW is expendable. Hey, how's House doing, anyway?

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Posted in House by Copyhacker at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: kissmymanolos on Oct 24, 2009 11:47 AM.