My friends, I'm running way late this week, so let's just skip the opening banter. It's not like this is a presidential debate or something. An American woman of Chinese descent is in China, walking through a Buddhist place of worship with her interpreter. She's looking for her birth parents. When she introduces herself, they are shocked and outraged. They say they don't have a daughter and tell her to go away. I bet they weren't supposed to have had her, multiple children being against the law in China and all that. She makes a wish and picks up a Buddha statue. If she makes the wish again, and can't pick up the Buddha a second time, her wish will come true. She wishes that her birth parents would talk to her. She tries to pick up the Buddha again and can't. Yay! She throws up blood and falls over. Boo!
Power lifting just isn't China's sport.
Name That Disease, Round 1
The POW has arrived from China after having a foot of bowel removed while there. I'm sure that was a comfortable 20-hour plane ride. The first guesses are even less relevant than usual, because over in the Department of Character Development, House's father is dead and he doesn't (seem to) give a flying crap. Oh, and we also get confirmation that Louie had an affair. So, um, yeah, what was that disease again?
The POW's adoptive parents come to visit, and we learn why she wanted to meet her bio-rents. The adoptive ones are overbearing control freaks who blame everything on her drinking. They give House a big box of drugs that she was taking, which he is all over like white on rice. In the box is a medicine that they gave her in China to treat SARS. Remember SARS? Big scary disease that was supposed to kill us all? After anthrax and before bird flu? Good old 2003. Forget this economy crap, I'll take an epidemic over a mortgage crisis any day.
Cuddy stops by with condolences and a syringe. She says House's mother wants him to give the eulogy, and he'd better do it, for her sake. She gives him an injection (in the but-tocks, har har har) that's supposed to protect him from the SARS, but knocks him out instead. Cuddy, you sly dog. There's a lesson there, kids. Go work in a hospital to get the really good date-rape drugs.
"Don't worry, this happened to me every other weekend in college. It's perfectly safe."
House wakes up in a car, being driven to Pa's funeral by... Wilson! Who is looking like death on a cracker, BTW. House, on the other hand, looks like someone just told him his puppy didn't get run over after all. Which is pretty much what's happened, if you think about it.
Meanwhile, the POW has crashed. The creepy pulsing-black-veins effect that they use a lot tells Kumar that she has liver failure, not SARS. The Houseguests call House's cell. He has their ringtone set to Mmm Bop, which sets the Wayback Machine back 6 more years to 1997, according to Wikipedia. Next stop: the OJ trial. The POW had a blood clot, which indicates something genetic, which means we aren't done with the bio-rents just yet.
Wilson refuses to talk to House at first, but can't resist giving a lecture. House must Do The Responsible Thing and speak at the funeral, whether he wants to or not. Some Grumpy Old Men hijinks ensue, in which House tries to abort the road trip. He knocks Wilson's keys into the gutter at a rest stop. Wilson, armed Boy Scout-style with coat hanger and wind-up flashlight, tries to fish them out. House drops the flashlight in the gutter. At which point Wilson gets out his OTHER wind-up flashlight.
"You're lying. There's no way THAT'S in the Kama Sutra."
While Wilson fishes for his keys, the POW has escaped and is outside smoking, against the rules. Kumar tracks her down for a blood test, and they have a heart-to-heart about being adopted by white parents and being different. Isn't that kind of the opposite of that movie Kal Penn was in, about a modern Indian guy raised by traditional parents? Bend It Like Kumar? Ah, The Namesake. Thanks, IMDB. It's no wonder I keep calling him Kumar, BTW, because his character's name is Kutner. Kumar, Kutner--those writers are just on fire with the original names. Thanks again, IMDB! While they bond, the POW is still bleeding from her blood test, so it's back inside for more guesswork.
Name That Disease: The Cancer Round
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Comments (4)
Wow, sorry I missed this ep.
BTW, similar gruesome things still happen -- here.
1 of 4 | Posted by DaffyMaiden | Posted on October 18, 2008 9:08 PM
there was a similar case a year or two ago where this lady had 26 sewing needles in her brain. I guess they really do use real cases. Sometimes I think they just make up stuff.
oh yeah, glad House & Wilson are reunited finally!
2 of 4 | Posted by chibby | Posted on October 19, 2008 12:29 AM
WOW. You made everything sound so fantastic. I'm now extra sad I missed it.
V. funny recap by the way. Your best so far. :):):)
3 of 4 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on October 19, 2008 11:54 AM
I thought Wilson and House's car ride was hilarious and the episode was awesome.
4 of 4 | Posted by RLR123 | Posted on October 21, 2008 1:33 PM