Testimonials

House gets paged by the Houseguests, who were giving the POW some test when he started screaming his head off. It seems his leg hurts a bit. Louie and 13 X-ray the leg, and they must have shot Captain Planet up with some Big Pharmaceuticals, because he's pretty quiet now. Good thing, because what's an X-ray without a Houseguest Heart-to-Heart? (Bingo square, anyone?) 13 says it bothered her last week when Foreman clammed up after Kumar's death. Louie is pragmatic as usual. "You wanna date men, good chance talking won't be-" He quits talking, because SportsCenter just came on the X-ray shows a broken femur. All signs point to bone cancer. "It's not cancer," says Foreman.

Bingo!

But cancer explains the symptoms, and all that protesting around toxic waste dumps and nuclear plants means there's a good chance he has some kind of cancer, so House decides to go with chemo just to be on the safe side. Although calling chemo "safe" is a bit like calling House "sweet".

Chase is fixing the broken femur (brain tumors, broken legs, he does it all!) when Foreman busts in to tell him to get a bone biopsy, you know, just to be sure. He also lets slip that Cameron is off the case. Uh-oh. So where is Cameron hiding, then? She's hanging out in the ER, being given the third degree by House, who thinks she's hiding from relationship problems with Chase. Got it in... um... two or three! Truth is, Cameron found an engagement ring hidden in Chase's drawer (you know, the one drawer she gave him), and thinks he's going to propose on the vacation, and (natch) blames it on Kumar. "We're all a little freaked out... I don't want him to propose just because he's scared." House has got nothing for this, and walks off without a word.

Whew, OK, time for a little comic relief, clinic style. A woman has some sort of infection, and her husband is doing all the talking for her. "Tell him about your chest, honey. Her breasts are really tender." And so on. House asks if they have a hot tub (no), if she goes to the gym (no), or goes to a hotel spa on business trips (no), and Cuddy interrupts to find out if Cameron's stolen her prize away. "She doesn't want back on my team, and she doesn't want to jump me." This is all Cuddy wants to know, so she's good. House is out of leading questions to ask the wife, so he spills the truth: she has a skin infection that she caught from a hot tub she was in. Without her husband. And who can blame her, really?

Hot water and hot air don't mix.

Foreman tells the POW he does not have cancer, just like he said. What he does have is a whole lot of bleeding in the legs. House doesn't care, because it HAS to be cancer, and he's ready to nuke the guy anyway, until Louie comes up with an even worse crazier idea: give him something to make the cancer worse until it's bad enough for them to find it. House says go, and as they disappear into the elevator, he makes his why-didnt-i-think-of-that face.

Even the cane-in-the-door trick can't help you now.

Now thoroughly discombobulated, House goes to see Dr. Feelgood for a cheering-up. He couldn't save Kutner, it took him forever to figure out Cameron, and now he's been out-Housed by Louie, of all people. Wilson talks him down off the ledge while munching a carrot. "Your mojo's right where you left it, just keep playing with it."

Make up your own baby carrot joke. Bone-us points if it mentions Bugs Bunny.

Meanwhilz, the POW is crashing. Told ya that was a bad idea. Speaking of bad ideas, Cameron is hiding from Chase in the cafeteria, until he finds her and dumps her. Wait, that's a good idea. Let's try again. House is desperate and The Houseguests Are Still Stumped. "Give me something. Give me a bad idea. Maybe I can turn it into a good one." They have no ideas, so House says it's time to redo all the tests. He goes to the stairs to see if Wilson has a lightbulb. Wilson's trying to get something out of the snack machine. House is still trying to figure out Wilson's strange new food habits and getting pissy because Wilson's not eating anything House likes. Subplot lightbulb! Wilson is messing with his diet for the sole purpose of giving House a puzzle to solve, so he can get back to normal. House calls Wilson a "manipulative bitch" a time or two, and then... Main Plot Lightbulb!

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Posted in House by Copyhacker at 1:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: Copyhacker on Apr 19, 2009 07:19 PM.