Back at the ranch, House is snoozing at his desk. Did I say Half Baked? He's all baked. Foreman strokes 13 on the shoulder to see if House is paying attention. He isn't. 13 thinks the POW is suicidal because of the poem she found in his room. It's something about masks and typical high school melodrama. Or maybe one of the Grey's Anatomy writers dropped a voiceover script. Enter Louie, who says the POW has an infection of some kind.
13 shows the poem to the kid's parents. Dad thinks maybe he needs a therapist. How about you, says 13. The kid knows he's different. Every teen thinks they're different, says Mom, and now is not the time to dump this on him. Bwahahaha, we'll see about that, 13 is thinking. Mom wants to restart the testosterone shots so Jack doesn't start turning into Jill. Dad knuckles under again. No wonder the kid is confused. Who wears the pants in this family?
Foreman asks Loumar how they knew the breakup was fake. They made a bet on it and Kumar wins. They don't think House has caught on, though. Foreman knows House doesn't miss anything, so something must be wrong with him. Like heroin. Foreman calls Wilson, who is at dinner with House, so he has to talk in code. Like so:
F: House is on heroin.
W: Well, that's certainly an interesting notion.
F: It's why he missed... things he wouldn't ordinarily miss.
W: I'll run some tests and let you know.
F: He's there, isn't he?
W: Well, that would certainly explain the inappropriate responses. (To House) Sorry, consult.
What House DOESN'T miss is that Wilson ordered him a shot of bourbon. Wilson wants to see if the booze + whatever drug he's on will make him crash again. House chugs the shot and walks. Wilson follows him out and finds him sticking his finger down his throat trying to purge the booze. Busted! He says he's on methadone, not heroin. It's like heroin without the high. And twice the risk of death, notes Wilson. It's also what they give people in detox to get them over withdrawal. House says his leg doesn't hurt anymore, at all, tosses his cane in a dumpster, and walks off. Actually, he's still limping. Anyway, we know what happens to House when his leg doesn't hurt. It's like Kryptonite in reverse. What'd I say last time? No pain, no brain.
Spider-Man no more!
Meanwhile, 13 is up to no good. She gives the POW the testosterone shot, but happens to drop that they aren't vitamins and he should ask his parents about it. My, but we're passive-aggressive this week. When the rents find out about this dastardly deed, they go complain to Cuddy. Cuddy refuses to take 13 off the case, which is weird for her. Usually she's fine with hanging her employees out to dry. Dad says they have to go talk to their boy kid and he's going to go do it. 13 smirks and pretends to apologize, but Cuddy gives her a you go, girl and a high five. The POW is none too pleased with this revelation and kicks the rents out of the room.
Meanwhile, Wilson's ratted out House to Cuddy, so she chases him down in the bathroom to yell at him about his new drug of choice. She's not going to watch him kill himself, not in her hospital anyway. Cuddy has grown a pair sometime in this episode. Maybe she's getting juiced with testosterone too? House calls her bluff and quits. How many episodes in a row is that now where someone is either fired or quits? I wish the hospital HR person was a character on the show. I'd love to see what they have to deal with every day.
I believe this guy will be available next season.
13 is handholding the POW. She's uniquely qualified to empathize, of course, because she's the only other person around who's still in high school. The kid wonders if she likes her his best friend. LIKE-likes him. 13 shows the poem she found in the POW's room, the one that started the whole mess. No no no, says the kid, that was a homework assignment--write a poem in the style of Sylvia Plath. "I'm sad sometimes, but I don't want to die. At least, I didn't."
Oops.
The kid throws up blood. I think it's blood, but it could also be grape juice from where I'm sitting. 13 probably wants to throw up too.
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