The teacher, who is rather pregnant, starts having pains and begs the kid to go get help. Sigh…why do shows even try to do misdirects? Everyone’s already seen the previews. As the teacher crouches down, she notices blood on the kid’s pants. He turns around and there is a ton of blood coming out his backside. I should feel sorry for him but they just had the kid utter one of the most ridiculous precocious-child lines ever: “Is the baby coming…I don’t know how to do this.” Do what, deliver the baby?

At the hospital, some sort of benefit event involving poker is in full swing. Wilson, Cuddy, and House are playing a game, but mostly House is giving Wilson a hard time about testicles and gorillas and the nature of cheating. House wags his cigar in Wilson’s face. Subtle.

A doctor approaches Cuddy and tells her a young patient is in. Cuddy apparently knows the boy (why, though?) and diagnoses him with gastroenteritis. House listens to the symptoms and decides he needs to “get some air.” He insults Cuddy’s breasts on his way out for good measure. Wilson checks House’s cards and sees a pair of aces, so House must be quite concerned about this boy.

House comes into the boy’s room, still in his tuxedo. He does some simple tests, and the boy’s eyes can’t move in a smooth line, nor can he grab House’s cane. When the parents ask if he’ll be all right, House replies “I don’t know.” That seems somewhat cruel. Just a bit. House heads back to the parent to get the Outhouses, and completely wrecks Chase’s flow as he’s trying to obtain some sweet lovin’.

The Outhouses arrive and start listing similarities between the health issues of old people and kids. There are a lot, based on weak immune systems. When House finally turns away from the whiteboard he gasps and ogles Cameron, who is looking quite adorable in her red dress. I don’t believe for one minute that he hadn’t already seen her at the party, though. He’s just messing with her again.

House is all worked up about this patient because 12 years ago he had an elderly patient with the same initial symptoms, and he thinks the kid will continue along the same path, which ends rather rudely in death. By the way, Mackenzie Astin is playing the boy’s father. The Outhouses do tests and poke and prod and looks at bits of child under the microscope. House orders more tests. Everything is negative, but when they go to his room, the boy’s urine is brown, which means his kidneys are shutting down.