Welcome to season 5 of CSI:ER House!
Before we get rolling, I'd like to note that I'm no relation to the late great copygodd, whose House recaps of seasons past got me to take this show less seriously.
In last season's finale, our antihero went mind-tripping to find out why a major character's love interest was in a coma. Wait, didn't I just see that on Fringe? In another nod to J. J. Abrams, we open on a closeup of an eye.
Previously on Lost...
This particular eye belongs to a CGI ant crawling on an elevator wall, right before the little guy gets whacked with a newspaper. We see two women in the elevator, one browbeating the other, who is obviously her long-suffering attendant. They're meeting with the board of some company that has had a lot of sexual harassment suits. The boss-lady chews them out because there are no women present.
(The teaser section of House is always the same. They show us a couple of random people and we get to figure out which one will be House & Co's science project for the episode. At this point I hope it's boss-lady, because House would have a field day with her.)
Anyway, the assistant sees ants crawling all over her, freaks, and starts pulling at her clothing and screaming for help. "You gonna call an ambulance, or you just gonna sit there and stare?" says boss lady to one of the men while she stands there and stares. End of teaser.
Teaser, indeed.
After the theme, House is playing a video game in a patient's room. Cuddy enters and tells him Wilson's back after a 2 month leave. I see that Cuddy's wardrobe has shrunk again this season. House hasn't seen Wilson since his girlfriend, Amber (remember her? Tall pushy woman in a short skirt?) died at the end of last season. Just in time, Foreman comes in to tell him about the case of the week, and House jumps on it as an excuse to avoid Wilson some more. Amber died because she was in a bus accident while picking House up from a bar -- could House be feeling a bit guilty?
Cuddy tells House to forget the case and go deal with Wilson instead. He ignores her and goes to huddle with the Houseguests, who bug him with questions about Wilson. In what workplace is it normal for underlings to pester their boss about his personal relationships with other co-workers? House keeps them on topic. Vitamin B-12 deficiency from a bad travel diet? 13 tells the boys not to blame the illness on her career just because she's an ambitious, strong woman.
House let's 13's cat out of the bag (so to speak) and tells the rest of the Houseguests that 13 has Huntington's disease. She must be deflecting her grief onto the patient -- she can't live her dream, so she wants the patient to live her own. 13 denies it, and says House is the one deflecting his grief. Good grief. Off she goes to deflect her humiliation onto the patient by jabbing her with a giant needle of vitamins. The patient thinks she just pooped in her bed. Actually, it's blood. Not really less gross.
Plug it up! Plug it up!
Anyway, the problem is definitely not the B-12. Strike one.
House goes to see Wilson and waxes eloquent about feminists, sluts and celebrities. You have to love this show for not doing the PC dance around controversial subjects. They can get away with that because House is the new Archie Bunker. Since he's a card-carrying jerk, he can say whatever he wants. "I'm leaving," says Wilson. What, not even a "Honey, we need to talk"? Wilson is quitting the hospital in a week. House tells him to cowboy up, it's just the grief talking. Wilson walks out shortly after. Now that he's alone, House does his patented "I'm really a sensitive guy deep down" look.
13 and Louie (his name is Taub, right? I don't care, he looks like a Louie to me) are doing a colonoscopy on the patient. I know it's been said ad nauseum, but does anyone else work in this hospital? Aren't they supposed to have techs and colonologists and orderlies to push wheelchairs and stuff?
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Comments (7)
Hilarious recap!
Yeah, it's getting sickening having to see Cameron (and her bad dye job). At least they didn't have Chase go talk to Wilson. We all know he doesn't have a soul.
I was getting quite annoyed at 13's "feminism". Yeah, questioning another woman's career choice is very empowering. Good job.
It was kind of a cop-out, House seemingly solving the patient's problem in what seemed like a few minutes. It felt like the writers just slapped something together to accompany the epic conflict between Wilson and House.
A good episode though.
1 of 7 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 18, 2008 3:03 PM
Outstanding recap. Very funny. Welcome abroad.
Season openers sometimes are a bit shakey. I hope that was the case here.
Cuddy's attire is pretty unbelievable... not that I am complaining... what is next - a red, white and blue bikini and a pellet rifle?
Don't suffer cranial inflation (unless you want to), but your recap was far funnier than any of the campaign speeches I've heard so far.
2 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 18, 2008 9:30 PM
i'm probably gonna be crucified now,.. but i'm a bit disappointed in the recap. i'm not sure if you're being forced to watch this show and recap it because it feels that way when I read it, though i do find it funny still...
3 of 7 | Posted by chibby | Posted on September 18, 2008 11:23 PM
Welcome Copyhacker and great job on the recap.
I was disappointed in this episode. The show has been very formulaic from the start, but it is always at its best when House is a hilarious ass and Wilson is enabling him. This new turn reminds me of the cop storyline that was also a waste of time.
As far as 13 goes, I wish they would have just kept Cameron there instead. They're basically the same character except that Cameron loves House and 13 is dying and bisexual, none of which is interesting. Trying to pretend the show is about anyone but House is delusional.
Okay my rant is over. Awesome recapping. I enjoy anyone that can help me take things less seriously.
4 of 7 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 19, 2008 5:09 AM
Great job Copyhacker!
I've been looking forward to a House recap for a long time... that g.d. writer's strike messed everything up. I have a feeling that's whay so many shows sucked for the last parts of their seasons - including House.
The cover story for last week's Entertainment Weekly is all about the House writing staff and their plans for this season. It is definitely worth a read for House fans out there. It makes things seem a little less depressing for the rest of this season. Plus..... (a very minor SPOILER ALERT)
......apparently we'll get to see a little bit more of House and Cuddy moving past their passive aggression/dysfunction and on to "other things".
After last season's Cuddy + stripper pole = super tease scene I am so ready to see more...um... character development... and keep those tiny outfits coming!
Keep up the good work Copyhacker - can't wait to read next week's recap!
5 of 7 | Posted by No Touching!! | Posted on September 19, 2008 9:54 AM
Great job Copyhacker!!
You made me LOL when you wrote about 'when did she have time to go job hunting?' It's always bothered me that medical shows always show patient's so perky after surgery. T'aint the case!!
I agree with commenter Dr. Jerkass regarding 13. Get her over-botoxed face off my show!
6 of 7 | Posted by Clair | Posted on September 19, 2008 12:30 PM
Thanks, guys, for the kind words of welcome! (Except for chibby -- you're dead to me. :))
I chose House out of a couple of options, because I love the show and I've watched it since season 1.
I thought this episode was pretty thin, but they seem to fall back to the standard procedural format for the first show or two, until they hit their stride -- or until ratings week, anyway. I expect things will pick up in a couple of weeks.
OK, enough goofing off, back to the episode 2 recap!
7 of 7 | Posted by copyhacker | Posted on September 24, 2008 8:34 PM