Anyway, they complain that House is hanging out with Wilson when he should be working on the case. I know they've only worked for House for a whole season now, but have they not clued into his lack of work ethic? They don't find the source of the rectal bleeding, but Kumar breaks the news to them that the woman tested positive for... pregnancy! (I can never remember the character's name, but Kal Penn will always be Kumar to me.) While 13 fawns over the patient for being a strong career-minded feminist, Kumar does an ultrasound and finds... no baby. Whoops.
The Houseguests tell their overlord that their patient is not pregnant after all. House gets that crafty look that means he's figured something out, and leaves the Houseguests to bumble around while he goes to beat up on Wilson some more. Wilson, for what has to be the 800th time in the series, accuses House of being insensitive.
The Houseguests chase their boss down in Wilson's office. They still haven't solved the Mystery of the Missing Pregnancy. House, surrounded by idiots, says the woman is indeed pregnant. He does another ultrasound to prove it, and finds the baby in like 20 seconds. Attached to the woman's intestine. He also underestimates the woman's age, in a "hmm-this-will-be-important-later" kind of tone.
Ya gotta lotta guts, kid.
13, still deflecting, thinks the woman might want to keep the baby. Impossible, says House; the surgery is risky enough, and the pregnancy is killing the patient. Patient is OK with the decision, much to 13's dismay.
House goes to see Cameron. Why? Probably because it's in Jennifer Morrison's contract. She's dorking around in the ER with a rather portly gentleman, who is the lucky recipient of a few House zingers. I think these scenes with Cameron have replaced the old vignettes of House jerking around random patients in the clinic, which I really miss. Anyway, House wants Cameron to help get Wilson to stay, invoking her dead husband. Remember him? The one with a terminal disease that she married because she felt sorry for him? Or was that Grey's Anatomy? I'm confused. Cameron points out that she dealt with her grief the same way Wilson is dealing with his. So much for that idea.
Next, Chase gets to operate on the hapless pregnant patient, because you can't have a Cameron scene without a Chase scene. Why? Probably because it's in Jesse Spencer's contract. Chase manages to almost kill her in the process, because you can't have a surgery scene without a bunch of alarms going off.
House tells Cuddy that she can't let Wilson leave. Cuddy says House should deal with it himself -- he obviously feels responsible for Amber's death. House denies it, and just to prove his point, he's going home and not coming back until Wilson decides to stay. House walks out of the hospital under the disapproving creepy gaze of the cartoon people painted over the lobby door. I have no idea what House's plan is supposed to accomplish.
Isn't that the cast of "The Office" up there?
Meanwhile, in the part of the hospital where they practice medicine instead of melodrama, the patient's still almost dying. See the Houseguests squirm as they can't find their boss, and have to think for themselves. Oh right, that's what House's plan accomplished. The best they can come up with is MS, which is one of the usual suspects on this show. It's always MS or sarcoidosis. I guarantee that it'll never actually be sarcoidosis. It always ends up being some disease that has a household name and can be cured in five minutes with like penicillin or something.
Cuddy shows up at House's apartment. There's only a B on the door. It used to be 221B, as in Baker Street, as in Sherlock Holmes. Was the reference too obvious, or does the B just stand for "Bastard" now? House is not pleased to see Cuddy, and you can tell because he skips the usual crude sexual jokes. She tells him to get back to work, because he's risking a patient's life by running away from his guilt. House shuts the door as Cuddy accuses him of doing the same thing Wilson is doing. Yes, in case you didn't get it yet, the word of the day is "grief". Or "deflecting". Or maybe it's "rectal".
13 continues to suck up to the patient, who insists that she's just an assistant and is fine with that. Unlike 13, who will never achieve that level of self-awareness. The woman shivers. She has a fever. It's not MS.
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Comments (7)
Hilarious recap!
Yeah, it's getting sickening having to see Cameron (and her bad dye job). At least they didn't have Chase go talk to Wilson. We all know he doesn't have a soul.
I was getting quite annoyed at 13's "feminism". Yeah, questioning another woman's career choice is very empowering. Good job.
It was kind of a cop-out, House seemingly solving the patient's problem in what seemed like a few minutes. It felt like the writers just slapped something together to accompany the epic conflict between Wilson and House.
A good episode though.
1 of 7 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 18, 2008 3:03 PM
Outstanding recap. Very funny. Welcome abroad.
Season openers sometimes are a bit shakey. I hope that was the case here.
Cuddy's attire is pretty unbelievable... not that I am complaining... what is next - a red, white and blue bikini and a pellet rifle?
Don't suffer cranial inflation (unless you want to), but your recap was far funnier than any of the campaign speeches I've heard so far.
2 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 18, 2008 9:30 PM
i'm probably gonna be crucified now,.. but i'm a bit disappointed in the recap. i'm not sure if you're being forced to watch this show and recap it because it feels that way when I read it, though i do find it funny still...
3 of 7 | Posted by chibby | Posted on September 18, 2008 11:23 PM
Welcome Copyhacker and great job on the recap.
I was disappointed in this episode. The show has been very formulaic from the start, but it is always at its best when House is a hilarious ass and Wilson is enabling him. This new turn reminds me of the cop storyline that was also a waste of time.
As far as 13 goes, I wish they would have just kept Cameron there instead. They're basically the same character except that Cameron loves House and 13 is dying and bisexual, none of which is interesting. Trying to pretend the show is about anyone but House is delusional.
Okay my rant is over. Awesome recapping. I enjoy anyone that can help me take things less seriously.
4 of 7 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 19, 2008 5:09 AM
Great job Copyhacker!
I've been looking forward to a House recap for a long time... that g.d. writer's strike messed everything up. I have a feeling that's whay so many shows sucked for the last parts of their seasons - including House.
The cover story for last week's Entertainment Weekly is all about the House writing staff and their plans for this season. It is definitely worth a read for House fans out there. It makes things seem a little less depressing for the rest of this season. Plus..... (a very minor SPOILER ALERT)
......apparently we'll get to see a little bit more of House and Cuddy moving past their passive aggression/dysfunction and on to "other things".
After last season's Cuddy + stripper pole = super tease scene I am so ready to see more...um... character development... and keep those tiny outfits coming!
Keep up the good work Copyhacker - can't wait to read next week's recap!
5 of 7 | Posted by No Touching!! | Posted on September 19, 2008 9:54 AM
Great job Copyhacker!!
You made me LOL when you wrote about 'when did she have time to go job hunting?' It's always bothered me that medical shows always show patient's so perky after surgery. T'aint the case!!
I agree with commenter Dr. Jerkass regarding 13. Get her over-botoxed face off my show!
6 of 7 | Posted by Clair | Posted on September 19, 2008 12:30 PM
Thanks, guys, for the kind words of welcome! (Except for chibby -- you're dead to me. :))
I chose House out of a couple of options, because I love the show and I've watched it since season 1.
I thought this episode was pretty thin, but they seem to fall back to the standard procedural format for the first show or two, until they hit their stride -- or until ratings week, anyway. I expect things will pick up in a couple of weeks.
OK, enough goofing off, back to the episode 2 recap!
7 of 7 | Posted by copyhacker | Posted on September 24, 2008 8:34 PM