Through a series of unlikely plot events which I'll skip, Cuddy tricks both House and Wilson into coming to her office for "couples' counseling".
Now I'm sitting here trying to remember how this episode ends, and realize I haven't finished watching it yet. Um. BRB.
OK, I'm back.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the Houseguests are replaying a video of the patient's colonoscopy, and are still clueless. This scene occurs at least once every other episode. If you've never seen it, let me boil it down for you:
"We don't need House to figure this out."
"Yes we do."
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
Louie accuses 13 of having her judgment affected by her disease, proving that he never thinks a thought that House hasn't thunk already. Kumar spots something in the video that they missed before. They argue about what it is.
"It's sarcoidosis! Or cancer!"
Back in counseling, Wilson and House are sitting awkwardly side by side on Cuddy's couch. Cuddy tells Wilson not to walk away from everyone that cares about him. It's just a job, people. You can still be Facebook friends, I promise. Wilson walks away.
Dysfunctional Gothic.
The Houseguests ask Chase to open the patient up again and biopsy the problem they spotted on the tape. Chase says she can't survive another surgery. 13 tells Chase that he'd do it for House. Which isn't saying much, because there's nothing that Chase won't do for House. Kumar asks the question that I think we've all been asking: "How do you get coal out of a mountain when it's someone else's mountain?" Well, if it's Mohammed's mountain, and it won't go to Mohammed, then the mountain must come to you and... Oh I give up. It makes even less sense than House's crappy riddles, if that's possible. The other Houseguests don't understand either, so he explains in disgusting technomedibabble that I won't try to repeat. I tuned out at "rectum".
As 13 breaks the news to patient (of course, this procedure is going to be Extremely Painful), she finds out that the patient's boss replaced her. 13 is shocked. The patient says that she doesn't mind. 13 goes off on another girl-power rant. The patient responds with another wacky fable about birds, wings and accepting one's lot in life. Depressed, 13 leaves to go page Doctor Analogy.
There's another pointless scene in which we are reminded that Cameron still works here.
"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler."
The Houseguests took the coal out of the mountain or whatever, and are still clueless. Since House isn't around, Foreman gets Wilson's opinion, which is -- wait for it -- cancer. Foreman, getting around to the really important stuff, says Wilson should follow his heart and quit. Foreman is a neurologist, not a psychologist, or he'd know that reverse psychology fools no one.
13 goes back to see the patient, who is suddenly feeling better. 13 confesses: she has a disease that is going to make her die a horrible, slow death in a dozen years. She wants to make a difference before it's Too Late. The patient tells 13 she did make a difference -- she applied for a new, more empowering job because of what 13 said before. Really? When did she have time to go job hunting? Somewhere between the anal probe and the abortion, I guess.
Drs. Mom and Dad are still fighting about Wilson. Cuddy again blames Wilson's leaving on House, and thinks House should open up to Wilson and beg him to stay "so you would say something stupid and insensitive and maybe with a little bit of truth." House pretends to ignore her, which is what he does when someone's really getting to him. Or wait - that's his lightbulb face, isn't it? One miracle cure, coming up.
"8 minutes left. I even have time to stop for a donut."
House strolls into the patient's room to tell her that she has leprosy. "It's called pretty leprosy... it makes your skin look younger". It seems Cuddy's comment magically reminded him of the time he told the woman she looked too young. Seems like a stretch to me, but I left my disbelief back at the intestinal pregnancy. 13 is pissed because her diagnosis was wrong after all. Or maybe she's jealous that her hero is going to get better and she won't. Or maybe she's just mad that she got picked to do the Scooby-Doo explanation in the next scene. You know, the one that explains how leprosy explains everything.
Jinkies.
« Project Runway: The Curse of the Sidekick | Main | 90210: SERENITY NOW! »
Comments (7)
Hilarious recap!
Yeah, it's getting sickening having to see Cameron (and her bad dye job). At least they didn't have Chase go talk to Wilson. We all know he doesn't have a soul.
I was getting quite annoyed at 13's "feminism". Yeah, questioning another woman's career choice is very empowering. Good job.
It was kind of a cop-out, House seemingly solving the patient's problem in what seemed like a few minutes. It felt like the writers just slapped something together to accompany the epic conflict between Wilson and House.
A good episode though.
1 of 7 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on September 18, 2008 3:03 PM
Outstanding recap. Very funny. Welcome abroad.
Season openers sometimes are a bit shakey. I hope that was the case here.
Cuddy's attire is pretty unbelievable... not that I am complaining... what is next - a red, white and blue bikini and a pellet rifle?
Don't suffer cranial inflation (unless you want to), but your recap was far funnier than any of the campaign speeches I've heard so far.
2 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 18, 2008 9:30 PM
i'm probably gonna be crucified now,.. but i'm a bit disappointed in the recap. i'm not sure if you're being forced to watch this show and recap it because it feels that way when I read it, though i do find it funny still...
3 of 7 | Posted by chibby | Posted on September 18, 2008 11:23 PM
Welcome Copyhacker and great job on the recap.
I was disappointed in this episode. The show has been very formulaic from the start, but it is always at its best when House is a hilarious ass and Wilson is enabling him. This new turn reminds me of the cop storyline that was also a waste of time.
As far as 13 goes, I wish they would have just kept Cameron there instead. They're basically the same character except that Cameron loves House and 13 is dying and bisexual, none of which is interesting. Trying to pretend the show is about anyone but House is delusional.
Okay my rant is over. Awesome recapping. I enjoy anyone that can help me take things less seriously.
4 of 7 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 19, 2008 5:09 AM
Great job Copyhacker!
I've been looking forward to a House recap for a long time... that g.d. writer's strike messed everything up. I have a feeling that's whay so many shows sucked for the last parts of their seasons - including House.
The cover story for last week's Entertainment Weekly is all about the House writing staff and their plans for this season. It is definitely worth a read for House fans out there. It makes things seem a little less depressing for the rest of this season. Plus..... (a very minor SPOILER ALERT)
......apparently we'll get to see a little bit more of House and Cuddy moving past their passive aggression/dysfunction and on to "other things".
After last season's Cuddy + stripper pole = super tease scene I am so ready to see more...um... character development... and keep those tiny outfits coming!
Keep up the good work Copyhacker - can't wait to read next week's recap!
5 of 7 | Posted by No Touching!! | Posted on September 19, 2008 9:54 AM
Great job Copyhacker!!
You made me LOL when you wrote about 'when did she have time to go job hunting?' It's always bothered me that medical shows always show patient's so perky after surgery. T'aint the case!!
I agree with commenter Dr. Jerkass regarding 13. Get her over-botoxed face off my show!
6 of 7 | Posted by Clair | Posted on September 19, 2008 12:30 PM
Thanks, guys, for the kind words of welcome! (Except for chibby -- you're dead to me. :))
I chose House out of a couple of options, because I love the show and I've watched it since season 1.
I thought this episode was pretty thin, but they seem to fall back to the standard procedural format for the first show or two, until they hit their stride -- or until ratings week, anyway. I expect things will pick up in a couple of weeks.
OK, enough goofing off, back to the episode 2 recap!
7 of 7 | Posted by copyhacker | Posted on September 24, 2008 8:34 PM