Recap: House: Rape-Babies R Us - 
by copygodd
Oh yeah, there's also the crazy chick pictured above. She was raped. And she can't wait to tell House all about it.
This week's episode starts off with Cuddy telling House that for the next two days, he'll be doing nothing but clinic work. Why? Because she owns his ass. Literally. While he was in jail, she traded a cartoon of smokes and a jug of prison wine for him. So from now on, when Cuddy says "jump" House must pleasure her until she says "détente" which is their agreed-upon "safe" word.
And wouldn't you know it, after fulfilling his bitch duty (heheh, I said dooty) the first three patients House sees - a geek, a bottle blonde and someone's grandmother - all think they have STDs. I hope it's not the same one. That would make solving this week's mystery way too easy. Obviously, Grandma had a three-way with her granddaughter and her nebbish boyfriend.
The writers expect us to believe someone actually hit that?
In the waiting room, House asks who's there for a runny nose. The few who raise their hands, he yells at, telling them it's a cold, it'll get better, and to go home. Everyone who stayed will get a doctor who's not him, because he's tired of wiping crotches. God, he makes medicine sounds so romantic. Not to mention the fine art of crotch-wiping.
Cuddy comes out and yells at House that he's not getting out of clinic duty that easily. Just then, a crazy guy starts running around the waiting room, screaming and holding his head. While it could be something interesting, I'm betting his iPod is just stuck on Creed. After a couple of laps, House trips him up and gives him a sedative. No, wait, it was just a paralytic. So now the dude is still in pain, but at least he's paralyzed and can't annoy House any longer. (Ir)regardless, it looks like House has ticket out of the clinic: crazy bald guy! Maybe he has a head STD.
After the opening credits, House gets the band back together to solve the guy's case. So, what do right ear pain, psychotic behavior and dizziness have in common? They all get House out of clinic duty. No matter what silly guess the OutHouses throw out, House agrees and orders the tests. Something smells fishy. And for once, it's not Cameron. House tells them that once they're done running all the tests, he wants them to pour some alcohol in the patient's ear. Why? To kill the cockroach that's biting him. UGH!! That might be the grossest medical story since The Pomp tried to smile.
The Last Temptation of House.
Since Cuddy thinks he's treating Roachboy, House decides to go hang out at the jogging track in the park. Why? Because it's the last place Cuddy will look for him. Plus he likes watching all the bouncing breastesses. It's not long though before Wilson comes along and totally harshes House's woody. He's such a killjoy. He wants to know why House is in the park and not in the clinic. Hey Wilson, you don't own House's ass. In fact, you sold his ass to DMo Popo, so get your bitch ass up back in the kitchen and make Housie some pie. House says he just likes watching people jog. He sits, he watches and he imagines. Wait, jogging is like porn? Sort of. But with better shorts.
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