You've been on the edge of your seat for weeks (who hasn't?), so you'll be thrilled to hear I Love Money 2 is finally on the air! Join me after the jump for 90 minutes of boobs -- the literal and the metaphorical.
We open to an intense intro, with music that totally channels 24 even though this is...I Love Money 2. Sort of a different venue. Our dear host, Craig J. Jackson, explains that these folks set out looking for love and were all failures in their own special way. Now they're here to continue that trend! As always, the challenges look death defying.
Some of the season's pivotal scenes are previewed, including one gem where Buckwild tearfully screams, "I'm gonna go buckwild!" How clever! It's fortune her nickname isn't Mass-Murderer.
Our 19 contestants float into Huatulco, Mexico, on little ferryboats. The arrival isn't as delicious as last year, when Midget Mac was so midgety he couldn't disembark. My general rule is things are always better with a midget, so for shame, I Love Money 2! The cast members are introduced one by one, and since this gentleman has a lot of fans in the TVgasm universe, I present you with this:
Oh, It, how grand it is to have you back on TV! He talks about how he'll use his street smarts to "infoonze" these dudes, and I think he meant "influence," but oh I just don't care. Hate him! All of the cast members introduce themselves as though they're truly tits on wheels. Tailor Made says he's "the one and only Tailor Made," and I enjoy this because it implies other people are competing for the title. How jealous we all are that he partook in New York's morning breath!
Milf explains she's from Real Chance of Love, and she "gave love a real chance but it didn't work out." She says this while stroking her Adam's apple, natch. I do not get the Milf appeal, but I've only seen her in motion for seven seconds so I'll refrain from picking the ugliest screencap from her interview, at least for now. We've still got 87 minutes though, so no promises.
T-Weed says he's best known for "being on his business shit" or something similar. It's censored but I'd imagine it's inconsequential, since we know he's a lying liar. He's the one who pretended he was worth $100 million, when he's really worth $100 million in Burger King Bucks. He plans to keep his mind on his money, the thing he does not have, and The Entertainer agrees! He's competing on his 900th show because he still can't pull in minimum wage. It baffles me that he still can't get some kind of job cleaning mall floors or washing old people. Can't he at least be the FreeCreditReport.com dude by now?
Bonez is surprisingly endearing, if still Cheetah-like.
Even though these people are all fully-grown, it turns out that dismounting the boat is still a hassle. Bonez leaps out with his suitcase, only to make it to shore and discover all his undies and accessories are floating out to sea. Bonez needs to invest in one of those TSA locks or something, dag. While he collects his things, Myammee tells us she'll do anything for the money, like eat sand or drink ocean water. Of course she pretty much does these things while tumbling out of the boat, so this isn't as enticing as she thinks.
The cast files up the stairs to their new abode, which is actually the same abode as last season. Hopefully it's gotten a sturdy cleaning since then. Recalling all the STD parties that were thrown here last time, the cast is suspicious.
Milf seriously looks like she's Ice's sister (or brother, as the case may be). Hopefully this will lead to wacky antics where someone wants to bone Ice but discovers they did Milf instead. With this cast, it's a distinct possibility! Craig tries to stir up some boring argument between Heat and The Entertainer about last season's dramaramas, which no one else remembers. When that doesn't pan out, Craig squeals that something they all have in common is "they all have that itch." How offensive to call them out on it! Angelique squirms and scratches her vagina, but it turns out Craig is talking about the itch for money. Who knew?
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Comments (10)
hahaha, hilarious recap! Onyx totally looks like a rapter, it's his mouth, I can't stand looking at him! I feel like he wants to be like Buddha, except he's too tiny and weird looking. And Saphaari (or however you spell it...) looks terrible! Seriously, what the fug happened to girlfriend's face??
1 of 10 | Posted by Lady_Ace | Posted on February 8, 2009 6:44 AM
Thank you BQ. The bf and I could only make it through the disembarking then switched over to a How It's Made marathon on the SCI channel. I'd watch religiously if the chick that took a crap on Flav's living room floor was in the cast.
Regardless, your recap is far more entertaining. I'll root for The Entertainer, for no apparent reason.
2 of 10 | Posted by shantigal | Posted on February 8, 2009 9:38 AM
awww... come on! How can you not like It? He was made for reality TV!
3 of 10 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on February 8, 2009 1:38 PM
it's time to get BUCKWILD!
4 of 10 | Posted by intense | Posted on February 8, 2009 6:42 PM
I'm so happy you are recapping this mess, Bailey. :-)
5 of 10 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on February 8, 2009 7:06 PM
I believe we should all bow our heads for a moment of silent thanks that Rodeo is not on this show.
Notes:
I like the Entertainer character. He at least provides a bit of...entertainment.
Prancer is definitely my fave -- I only watched one episode of the Flavor of Love series, and she was featured prominently in that one. She's just great. Which means of course she'll be eliminated next week. Sigh.
I really really don't get VH1's facination with Frenchy, but she usually doesn't last long on these shows, so that's all right. Although these people actually seem to like her-- I was surprised that she was picked really early.
Why are there always ambulances on these shows? I get the feeling it's in the standard contract. Sort of like the plotting of a Harlequin novel. With skanks.
BTW: What's the masculine form of skank? Douchebag? And what would their offspring be called?
6 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 9, 2009 1:12 AM
Itchy, perhaps Mank! LOL.
I loved Prancer on FOL3 and she seems like she could take it to the top. I do think that Entertainer had a good idea, but T-Weed was right in saying that they needed to wait to see who the captains were. I have no idea what T-Weed's agenda is, but something tells me he won't last in this game.
And, I loved Becky Buckwild and I am super excited for Charm School 3. Is it a FOL/Real Chance/Rock of Love Hybrid with girls from all three shows? BQ, please provide some more info.... thanks.
7 of 10 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on February 9, 2009 7:16 AM
What was wrong with Tamara?! Does she have some sort of medical condition or was she jonesing for more meth? Girlfriend was uncomfortable to watch! Glad she left. Too freaky.
If Buddha is as big of a douchebag asshole as he was on ILNY, then I will probably not enjoy watching this show. He ruined the last show for me because of his attitude. He just makes me sick. I was SO hoping that Entertainer's plan was going to work. I hope they get smart and vote him off sooner rather than later. And he can take T-Weed with him. That guy is sleezy as eff.
And in conclusion... It rocks!! :p
8 of 10 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on February 10, 2009 5:10 PM
Hey BQ! Glad to have you back! People been askin' 'boutcha! Great recap, I can't wait to see the skank boil over!
love, J-Mo :)
9 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on February 11, 2009 2:05 PM
This recap was just as good as the episode itself. I just want a trend to form here, because the first season was abysmal. They had Chance (a Stallionaire that continued to be a raging douchebag), Midget Mac (a dwarf that refused to actually compete and chose to enforce subtitles from the editors), Whiteboy (a hairless testicle that has no respect for women and oblivious to everything around them), and then there was some person by the name of Megan.
10 of 10 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on February 16, 2009 3:13 PM