Testimonials

The Entertainer tells us, "I just want to beat the living motherfucking shit out of this motherfucker and get him out of this motherfucking house," which is endearing to women all around the world. Someone rich will surely marry him soon! They climb into the ring and start fighting, and The Entertainer goes down ASAP. Of course he immediately argues that his loss wasn't fair - Buddha kneed him in the side, you guys! Whiiiine! He is genuinely frightening in his confessional, although I guess this shouldn't shock me. Anyway, Buddha gets the win, so the Green Team is up by one.

Myammee chooses Ice to represent the Green Team in the following round, and that means Heat really has to think hard about his next pick. He confirms this for us, explaining it was difficult because he had to use his brain. This is the first time Heat has done this in ages, so I feel for him. He chooses Tailor Made to fight Ice, and she starts galloping around because she knows she'll win. Don't get cocky, Ice, you're only tenuously cute! Craig says it's the Battle of the Sexless, which I guess could imply that she's also a dude, but I'd find it more convincing if it were Milf up in that ring.

They have a good fight, but Tailor Made pulls out the win. To his credit, he asks if she's okay afterwards, which is sweet. It wouldn't have shocked me if he'd kicked her down to the water, so you know. The next battle is It versus Bonez, and obviously Bonez wins. Obviously! It's all like, "Were we supposed to go when the bell rings?" It has never seen a professional sport. T-Weed steps up to fight 20 Pack in the Battle of the Old Team Captains, which incites much hooting and hollering. The other matches mostly concluded with someone dropping to their knees, but this one gets interesting because T-Weed rockets through the side of the ring. Hoorah! 20 Pack does a backflip and punches things in celebration, only to find...

In his showboating, he manages to shatter every bone in his hand. I feel so very bad for him, except not so much. Regardless, 20 Pack's win means the yellow team ties up the game, and now the score is 2-2. Heat chooses Cali to go against the Green Team's Milf, and Craig makes a joke about hitting like a truck and wanting to fuck and yadda yadda. It's hysterical, clearly. Milf goes down like a sack of potatoes, putting the Green Team in a sticky situation. The contest is a best-of-seven match-up, so with the Gold Team winning 3-2, they could potentially bring it all home in this next round. Myammee must choose carefully for the Greenies.

She picks Onyx, which is an unfortunate choice since he plans to throw the competition. You would think the Gold Team would be aware of this, since he's doing them a solid, right? It only makes sense to put a strong person against him to make everything seem convincing, right? Totally, but they pick Prancer instead. Whoops! I love Prancer but the girl can't feasibly defeat a dinosaur! Alas, they must portray it as such. This all seems kind of laughable in itself, but it comes out in confession that Onyx is a fucking boxer. That's his profession! I would've guessed stock broker or something, but he's an actual boxer! So yeah, understandably this is the greatest scene of all time.

They have the queerest fight ever. He sort of paws at her like a kittycat, giggling and slapping, but finally even he realizes this is shameful. He pushes her gently until she topples over...kinda.

She looks like one of those encouraging cat posters, where the kitten's halfway out of the tree and it's all like, "Down but not out!" Except in this case, Prancer is indeed out. The Gold Team groans and the Green Team looks skeptical at best, since it's blatantly obvious Onyx was trying to blow the game. It's 3-3 though, so there will be one more round. Heat steps up for the Goldies, but the Greenies only have gals left. Myammee wisely chooses Buckwild for the fight, since everyone knows she's got a detailed criminal history. Plus Heat's a pussy, so really, Buckwild could have this in the bag. The only snag is that Buckwild refuses to go up, telling Myammee to do it instead.

« Survivor: The Many Faces of Sandy | Main | Lost: If I Could Turn Back Tahh-um »

Posted in I Love Money by Bailey Quarters at 6:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: BaileyQuarters on Feb 22, 2009 08:41 PM.