Craig calls the Gold Team into the vault and reveals the nominees. The bottom three will go on a Loser Date with Heat, but the Gold Team can barely hear this news over Buckwild's sobs. She weeps her way out of the vault and swims to her bedroom through her river of tears, where she then screams at Leilene. In Buckwild's defense, once you've been yelling for 15 minutes, how can you really stop?
She hollers at Leilene that she'd better not quit the competition, because she's going to be eliminated if she doesn't. I know that sentence makes no sense, but consider the source. As she's going on about this though, it dawns on her: Brandi quit last season and another nominee was picked in her place! Buckwild could still get Buddha out! She merrily decrees that Leilene should totally quit the show, which is met with...awkwardness, at best.
I seriously friggin love that Buckwild is suggesting this. What's more, Leilene is considering it! I don't know if there's ever been anything better than that! Leilene suddenly turns into a robot, flailing her limbs in slow motion. She asks Buckwild to come up with another solution, so Buckwild invites Saaphyri into the room because three minds are better than none. Unfortunately Buckwild then talks about "scrategizing," so...nix that.
Saaphyri immediately tells Leilene to quit, and Leilene defiantly yells that she will. Failwhale. The premise is that she'll get revenge on Buddha or some shit, and then she decides that she'll lose everyone's friendship if she doesn't quit, and then she starts playing the world's smallest violin. It's settled: Leilene shall quit the show. The girls pinkyswear on this agreement, at which point Saaphyri's face melts into the Joker's and she cackles uproariously.
The Loser Date commences. Leilene asks Buckwild if she can share the quitting plan with Heat, and Buckwild gets creepy-threatening about it. Buckwild will fuck a sister up, so Leilene would be wise to back off. They shout back and forth in front of Heat and Onyx, which isn't awkward at all, until finally Leilene comes out with it. She tells Heat that Buckwild wants her to throw the game, and Heat is like, "Uh, good! Do so!" Most useless Power Outing ever.
Heat asks Onyx why he should keep him around, but he asks it in this joking voice. Why not just say, "We have an alliance, LOL!" Onyx babbles about how trustworthy he is, and Buckwild repeats the same thing when asked. When it comes to Leilene's turn, she sobs about how she's already defeated. Woe is she! Heat asks her over and over to defend herself, which she cannot do, so he takes her aside for some one-on-one time. In reply, she weeps.
She tells Heat her head hasn't been in the game because love got in the way... oh yeah, has she mentioned she's in love with him? Because suddenly she is! Heat creepily says something about her butterlips, how he wants to put her lips on his and he'll have butterlips, and ew ew ew this scene is frightening.
They make out and it's all seriously upsetting. Even worse, Buckwild and Onyx are watching the whole friggin interaction. These two aren't even secluded, Leilene is just whoring herself out for everyone to see. Excellent! The Power Outing ends abruptly after that, but Leilene's shorts are scrunched up as she stands, so I'm going to assume some fingering occurred. And then I'm going to vomit.
Back at the house, Buckwild tells Saaphyri the deets. Saaphyri promptly tells Heat that Leilene thinks she's safe now, and it's all so tattley. None of these fools ever step back and realize they're 30 and/or sad. In that vein, Heat decides he'll do something romantic for Leilene to convince her to quit, which apparently means he'll just sit and talk with her. That would convince me to do things too. He tells her the whole team wants her gone, but she argues that love conquers all. They've been married for three years, doesn't that mean anything to him? It does not, so he tells her to quit. They kiss some more and she agrees to do anything for him, just like an ethnic Romeo and Juliet.
« Survivor: The Many Faces of Sandy | Main | Lost: If I Could Turn Back Tahh-um »
Comments (9)
Bailey Quarters you are a riot:
"She looks like one of those encouraging cat posters, where the kitten's halfway out of the tree and it's all like, "Down but not out!"
Seriously laughing my ass off...
I was channel surfing and stumbled across this episode. It's the most addictive thing. I couldn't help switching back to it every few minutes even though I found a really bad movie to watch. Of course I also completely missed how it ended. After Heat called Onyx (ix?) up I just assumed that Leilene was going home and switched back to the movie. Silly me. I'm so glad I read your recap, but now I'm totally skeered that I'm going to find myself watching this trainwreck.
Love your recaps.
Hugs,
Yenta
1 of 9 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on February 16, 2009 7:05 AM
What I like about this show is it's basically just Survivor for Skanks and Douchebags.
It would have been really cool if Prancer had kicked Onixyxisx's ass in the boxing match.
But Heat's choice was between a guy who looked like a dinosaur and a not-altogether-unpleasant-looking airhead who clearly is good for at least a blowjob and probably much more. Hmmm.
Oh and another thing...seems to me that Buckwild's got a wicked body there. Shame about the face. Didn't there used to be a character on a sitcom like that?
2 of 9 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 16, 2009 8:31 AM
Great recap! These people are completely retarded. If this is anything like last season, none of it is gonna make much sense.
I would like to think they sent Onyx (Onix?!) home because they really are getting the stronger people off of the other team, despite the alliance. Or because letting Leileif (LOL!!) stay is the best way to sabotage the other team in the end. She's a nitwit.
And yes, Buddha is hot. He's also a grade a doucherocket and I hate him!
3 of 9 | Posted by jadestarla | Posted on February 16, 2009 10:37 AM
This recap is beyond hilarious but I must correct one thing:
She proves this by telling The Entertainer that the Green Team wants to send Becky and Lelief home. That Lelief, what a troublemaker.
It was "Vecky" and "Lelief" LMAO! That big piece of fugly french plastic is one of the best things that has ever happened to VH1. I would love a show where she and It had to go across the country performing jobs or learning how to read and write. Let the hilarity ensue.
4 of 9 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on February 16, 2009 1:26 PM
"Unfortunately Buckwild then talks about "scrategizing," so...nix that."
hahahaha! Every single one of these people are absolutely retarded! Hilarious recap BQ : )
5 of 9 | Posted by Lady_Ace | Posted on February 17, 2009 3:28 AM
You have to wonder where some of these people got their edu-ma-cation from.
6 of 9 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on February 17, 2009 3:54 AM
BQ u are SO observant its awesome lol
and this recap had me rollin.. thanks!
7 of 9 | Posted by angelbayyb | Posted on February 17, 2009 8:47 AM
let me just say it sucks that onyx went home because the raptor jokes never got old
8 of 9 | Posted by heykate7 | Posted on February 18, 2009 9:55 AM
I friggin' adore you guys!
9 of 9 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on February 22, 2009 8:41 PM