And then I have tell you about the funniest thing I saw on TV this week. It's completely un-related to I Love Money, but it's reality related, so I had to share. It was the Tori Spelling show. I wish I could say I was only watching because there was nothing else on, but that would be a lie. Anyway, Tori's at some cake shop ordering a hideous, life-sized monkey cake for her kid (who seems like he has a cute personality, but has been slapped with the same ugly stick as his mother - and no, it doesn't work on a guy either. Randy Spelling is just as unfortunate looking as Tori) for the poor child's first birthday party. That's how they kept me hanging on, by the way - Oxygen teased me with "star-studded!" during every commercial break - their idea of "star-studded!" was Loni Anderson and Denise Richards. So star-studded. I can't believe it didn't make the cover of People.

Anyway, as Tori leaves the cake shop, she spies one, lone guy with a camera and immediately gets all upset. "Ugh, the paparazzi are here," she moans. One guy. And he wasn't even particularly aggressive. He didn't yell her name or anything. Come to think of it, he probably wasn't even sure who she was, but that didn't stop the very, very, very famous Tori for going off on a rant about that damn paparazzi and how intrusive they are to her star studded life. Maybe she should write a book about it.

So you don't have to get rid of any more of your crap.

Okay, back to the show you came here for! This week opens with a truly horrifying sight - Destiney and Heat wearing matching zebra-print. I'm still recovering. And they're talking strategy with Mr. Boston. Well, actually first Mr. Boston is informing Destiney that when he gets drunk, he flashes people. Note to everyone on earth: Don't ever, ever get Mr. Boston drunk.

And with that nugget out of the way, now it's time to talk strategy. Mr. Boston is scared of the Stallionaires. And he is convinced they need to break that alliance. "Do you get it?" Boston asks his teammates. "I get it but I'm drunk right now," slurs Destiney. Heat, Destiney's "boyfriend" just sits by next to her. Then he goes to bed with her, and just lies next to her, with one hand planted on her knee. Heat is so very gay. He's so gay he doesn't even know how to pretend to not be gay.

Your eyebrows are uneven. I'll totes take care of it in the morning, hon.

But you know who does know how to romance a ho? Twelve Pack. He hits up Flasher Heather with a bottle of supermarket wine, and that's pretty much all it takes. Honestly, she's all, "It's so romantic, it's awesome!" Oh, Flash. Even Bret had to work harder than this, and he had a whole show named after him. Twelve Pack tells us he's really starting to like this girl, primarily for the reasons that she likes to party and she likes to strip. The foundation of all true and lasting relationships. Then they make out. Flash tells us that kissing Twelve Pack was extremely hot and "can we get some more where that came from?" Ew, must we? Can't we just find wherever it came from and cut it off at the source? So, Flash is all hot and bothered, but she doesn't want to let it affect her game. Cue Twelve Pack affecting her game.

Buy her a carton of Kool menthols and she'll marry your ass.

The next morning, there's a phone call from the coolest host ever, Craig J. New challenge, new captains and then they need to divide their teams into pairs. Entertainer is elected captain of the Gold Team, simply because he's the loudest. All strategy, all the time. Over on the Green Team, Mr. Boston is nominated. He tells us his main goal is to organize the team to get the Stallionaires' checks into "the box".

« Project Runway: Who Wears Short Shorts? | Main | Buzzin': Well Aren't You The Coolest? »

Posted in I Love Money by ChickBomb at 1:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)
Last Comment: MichyPR on Aug 6, 2008 02:23 PM.