Testimonials

Sensing that Chance is this close to backing out, Annoying Brandi C. confirms with Craig J. that if one pair doesn't kiss, the whole team is disqualified. Or, in reality challenge lingo, "DQ'ed". And this is indeed the case. Destiney, showing a little of the spunk that I love her for, tells us that she will be furious if Chance doesn't kiss Boston. Boston, for his part, tries to reason with Chance, telling him they only lock lips for a second, and then they can sit back and eat and drink what they want. Boston tells us he's willing to throw his pride out the window for the sake of the win, and then he ruins everything (I am 99% sure intentionally) by blowing is nose. Chance takes one look at the boogers not captured by the blow, and tells us that the thought of kissing Boston makes him want to die.

Annoying Brandi C. pipes in to tell us that she wouldn't want to kiss Boston either, but for the sake of winning she would. Let's note here that Boston has had Annoying Brandi C.'s annoying sea captain's hat perched on his head for much of the episode. I am certain this is a souvenir of his night of ho-ing it up with ABC, which makes Annoying Brandi C. not only annoying, but completely full of shit.

Flasher wins back some points by taunting Chance, telling him that the kiss would be all over the internet. And Best Week Ever. "TMZ," shouts Granny Rodeo, catching on quick. "I'll put it on my Myspace page!" yells one of the Gold Team dudes, not sure which one. Chance shouts a request for some rubbing alcohol, and it looks like he might go through with it! But as Craig J. counts down to the kiss, the editors flash back in slow mo to all the teasing and the taunting and the pointing and the laughing...and Chance backs out. What a prima donna. Can't take off his do-rag, can't touch Boston's lips for a mere second. I think I see a love match with Chance and Goody Sarah from the Real World (reunion recap forthcoming, I promise, I shan't fail you!).

Only on the DL, yo.

Boston tells us that he didn't want to lean in for the kiss, cause he thought he'd end up with a bloody nose. And big man Heat throws a napkin at Chance for blowing it. Which pisses Chance off immensely. He's ready to throw Heat off a cliff. For throwing a napkin? Anger management, sweetie. Oh, did I just come up with the next VH1 "celeb"-reality concept?

Heat yells at Chance that he doesn't follow through, and he's the one causing his team to lose. Shouting ensues, and then Destiney gets in on the action. Having just nearly been arrested by the morons at airport security for "mouthing off" when they mistook my eyeglass case for a gun (yes, I'm serious), I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only crazy bitch out there. "Who are you threatening?" Destiney yells, "You signed up for this! And twice you haven't tried!" The ho has a point. A really good one, actually. He doesn't deserve to be in the competition anymore, Destiney tells us.

And what's Chance's response to Hurricane Destiney? Well, first he calls her a weirdo (weirdo...oh, that one hurts), and then asks for clarification on what the first time was. Do-rag, duh. Then he tells her she has a flat ass. I would have just laughed at that one, but Destiney, being the class act she is, flips her micro-mini up in the back and retorts, "Flat booty? I don't think so, asshole!" Entertainer wonders why Heat isn't protecting Destiney, but is perfectly happy to take his opportunity to move in on his territory.

So Entertainer comforts Destiney, who is now shaking with anger (I can't judge, this was so me today in the airport) and she tells him, "Dude, you don't even know, I'm gonna start my period in seconds." Okay sweetie, thanks for sharing. "I'm premenstrual and I have feelings!" she continues. I know, we all do, but you can't cop to it cause that's just giving every ignorant dumbass out there an excuse as to why all women are crazy. "I know," says Entertainer sympathetically. Well, he would. He's been living with his Mom his whole life, I'm sure at some point she had a cycle.

And a flat ass.

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Posted in I Love Money by ChickBomb at 1:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)
Last Comment: MichyPR on Aug 6, 2008 02:23 PM.