This week on I Love Money, we start seeing a damn lot of ads for Rock of Love Girls: Charm School 2. I'm as excited about this show as anyone ever could be, but they skanked the girls up really hard for the opening photoshoot. I mean, Heather, really? Really? One of my beloved commenters, itchy, noted that Heather seems so tired on I Love Money. I absolutely agree, and here she looks tired and 47. Additionally, her whole soul is dead. I can't wait!
We open to Real and Hoopz awkwardly sleeping in the same bed. She clearly can't do much resting with a camera in her face, and Real is just staring at her, caressing her, etc. The latest development is that he wants to bone the shit out of her, so once everyone's up, he presents her with a bouquet of flowers. This is actually really, sincerely cute! Of course she tells us in confessional that she has a boyfriend and isn't interested, but...nice flowers! All of this worries Whiteboy, who he wants Real all to himself.
The Brokedowns gather by the pool to talk game, and Brandi concludes they have a good shot at being Paymaster since there are four of them. She's really quite logical, this one! They agree to send The Entertainer home, which is a perfect cue for The Entertainer to receive the phone call from CJ. He actually leaps for the phone and says, "Craig's calling me on my T-Mobile Shadow!" which is motherfucking hilarious. Way to shill, VH1! I'll be sure to buy one of these phones if the I Love Money cast supports it! Too bad it takes The Entertainer about 25 minutes to figure out how to answer the call. Aaand product returned.
The next challenge involves hanging on and getting wet, so the group is like, "We gotta have sex with each other?" This goes over well, but instead The Entertainer postulates they'll be hanging on a rope over a body of water. In his own words, "The first person to fall is the dead-ass loser." Innately I want to be like, "Anyone could've figured that challenge out!" but I probably would not have, so all right - good job this once, Frank.
When the meeting wraps up, The Entertainer receives a call on his T-Mobile House Phone.
GET OUTTA MY BASEMENT!
Mom tells The Entertainer that money won't solve all his problems, which is true, although it would solve a damn good amount. He promises he'll take care of her, but she snaps that it'll always be the other way around. Also true! All I can really deduce from this conversation is that The Entertainer's skin color is, in a word, icky.
Monster Mash.
The chat concludes with Mom and Son cursing at each other, and then Mom starts coughing from what has to be lung cancer. Frank encourages her by yelling, "Yeah, choke!" Aw, family memories.
Everyone loads into the van and heads for the challenge. The Brokedowns are immediately delighted to find stripper poles waiting for them! Yay, stripper poles! Pumkin concludes Brandi and Megan have definitely stripped before, since they have fake titties, and Toastee can probably manage. Therefore they will totally win this challenge. Usually this would seem like flawed logic but really, could you argue with these points? Nah.
The challenge is exactly what The Entertainer predicted, except they're hanging on stripper poles rather than ropes. But wait, there's a twist! The first person to fall is instantly eliminated! This makes everyone quake in their stripper shoes, but Brandi has numerous reasons to cry. A) She doesn't want to go home, B) she's scared of heights, and C) well, look at her life. Alas, she must compete. Craig hollers at everyone to mount their poles, and they all climb aboard while I fall into a fit of giggles.
Within 23 seconds, The Entertainer is already slipping. You'd think he'd have some experience handling pole, no? Pumkin struggles similarly, complaining that the pole hurts her vagina. They're writing the jokes themselves, people! While she rants, The Entertainer keeps sliding along, occasionally chiming in from confessional with, "I do not want to go back to my parents' house!" And then, only 1:16 into the competition, The Entertainer takes the plunge. He's out! Eliminated! He kvetches about how he's 29 and a complete loser. It always shocks me when he mentions his age. He looks a solid 42 but...oh. Yipes.
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Comments (12)
I can't believe VH1 showed that promo! Oh well, not like I'd be sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happened.
Awesome recap! Team Megan all the way!
1 of 12 | Posted by tami715 | Posted on September 21, 2008 12:54 PM
Heh heh...I'd totally be on the Bailey Quarters train, except I never know which recappers are a) female and b) heterosexual, so there you go, call me an ol' fashioned romantic. Besides, me likey the alliteration of the Toastee Train. Thanks for the pic!
I dunno...there's just something so adorably freakish about her. Maybe I ought to check our her season of Flavor of Love (difficult for me to stomache that guy)...I really hope she wins. She can spend some of it on elocution lessons.
2 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 21, 2008 1:04 PM
This recap doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Then again, I guess the show doesn't either?
You gotta recap a show for those who *didn't* watch it.
Also, if you comment on some gesture not making sense, then at least screencap it.
must. try. harder.
3 of 12 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on September 21, 2008 4:45 PM
Ah, Bailey Q., I see you're recapping I Love Money. I missed you!! I caught one of these episodes on vh1 and immediately had to see if you're recapping. It's addictive car-crash TV, for sure...which is taking time away from my volunteer work and overall self-improvement plan.
Are you or ChickBomb recapping Rock of Love Charm School? (ChickBomb would probably stab you in the throat for that job.)
Back to the show..I still like Real and WhiteBoy. Crybaby Brandi still gets on my nerves. Toasty is surprisingly appealing when she's sober. And Hoopz is still the smartest reality tv golddigger I've seen in my life.
Carry on...
4 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 21, 2008 7:58 PM
"Then she breaks the news that she wants Brandi to turn on Megan, but they're best friends! They've been so close for approximately two weeks!"
Hey, isn't Brandi the whiny Rock of Love chick who immediately form a soul-mate relationship with some other girl in the house on the first night? And she swore her undying loyalty towards that friendship? Was that Megan or some other chick? I really hope that was Megan, because if it wasn't, Brandi is even more pathetic than I originally thought. She's like a friendship vampire.
5 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:05 PM
itchy, I'm both female and heterosexual! Let's run away together, yes?
Donna Martin Graduates!, I did screencap it! The screencap of Pumkin holding her hands near her waist, looking unfortunately large? That's the one. See what I mean -- it makes no sense!
blahblah, we haven't discussed it but I so hope ChickBomb wants to recap it! She was the first person I thought of when I saw 47-year-old Heather in that shot! Also, the girl Brandi clung to on Rock of Love was Kristia, who she's no longer friends with for specific reasons like "she is so not a nice girl." And then she cried.
Thanks for the comments, guys!!
6 of 12 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:38 PM
BQ,
Yeah, Brandi went as far as to move in with Kristia. They both said so in one of the Rock of Love reunions. She's a damn mess.
This show is a mess but I like it. Heather kinda let me down though. She didn't once threaten to "beat a bitch".
7 of 12 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on September 21, 2008 8:57 PM
I am guessing instead of "piece of face", Pumkin said "pizza face"...which isn't really accurate but who cares.
My significant other once asked me about my BFF, if we ever "accidentally showered together and one thing lead to another..." I was like, first of all things like that don't accidentally happen, and second, NO!!!!
8 of 12 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on September 22, 2008 4:44 AM
wintersux, you're right, that makes a lot more sense! Now that you mention it, I kind of recall an enormous Rock of Love freakout about how someone said Brandi had meth scars, but she actually had scars due to some terrible somethingorother. I think that was Brandi, at least. I can't say I've ever actually noticed massive scarring on her, just that weird piercing thing that she should probably remove.
I LOVE that that question came up, he figured maybe you got curious! And you just had to paw at your BFF's crotch.
9 of 12 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on September 22, 2008 7:18 AM
Big, fat, male, homosexual here... I love this show, and my people are so underrepresented on it, but I understand why, because all of those guys would righteously freak (and I suspect because one or two of them might like someone tickling their PG from time to time) so I content myself with the antics of the Slutoya Jacksons...
And as far as the BFFs go, okay my current BFF that I've been BFFs with for the last 20 years, we have never touched each other like that... HOWEVER, the BFF that I had BEFORE him, he and I were best buddies for about 2 years, and then had a big fight over nothing and stopped being friends, and then 3 months later we met up again and then we had sex and it was really weird and I liked it, but he did too, so he freaked out and didn't talk to me ever again and then I think he moved to Tangiers or something... but thinking back, I believe he tried to have sex with me WAY before that because I used to go over to his house for sleepovers and he had only one bed, this giant king-size waterbed, and it always wound up that in the middle of the night he would "in his sleep" roll over on me, and I'd get up, disentangle myself and move to the other side of the bed, and about 15 minutes later he would "accidentally" roll over on me again, and I'd repeat the process. Looking back, I wish I hadn't been so naive, we could have been bangin' like bunnies for those two years... *sigh*
Anyhow, now that I've shared way too much I, great job Bailey, thanks for the Heatherpic...
love, J-Mo :)
10 of 12 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 22, 2008 10:14 AM
oh, right.
sorry!!
11 of 12 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on September 22, 2008 11:44 AM
I guess I should clarify that my BFF, I have known her since we were 2 years old. It would be like incest!!!
12 of 12 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on September 22, 2008 1:49 PM