Testimonials

CJ greets the contestants and announces the name of the challenge: You Booze, You Lose. I'd prefer to call it You Puke and I Turn Off the TV, but alas, that's the challenge and so it goes! Each houseguest will spin around in a chair 20 times, and then they have to walk across a bar without knocking over any of the cups on it. For each fallen cup, they'll get a one-second penalty. Then they'll go back to the chair and spin again. Next, they'll take off to a margarita bar, fill their mouths with green slush, and run to spit it all into a bowl. Finally they have to kiss random old people attending the challenge. So, wow, I just wrote all of that and still can't quite determine what this challenge means.

We can deduce that the person with the fastest time becomes Paymaster, but wait, there's another twist! They'll run this whole challenge while wearing beer goggles. Most of these people are just naturally prepared for this contest, so all things considered, the twist isn't that big of a deal.

Pumkin is up first, and for all the drinking this broad does, she doesn't know how to handle it very well! She's spinning and falling and plotzing all over the place, much to everyone's delight. When she finally makes it to the margarita bar, CJ gleefully shouts, "Fill as much in your mouth as you can, and head to the toilet!" When people use the word 'toilet' conversationally it always makes me laugh, but let's be honest, that whole sentence is good. Pumkin decrees this is the nastiest crap she's ever put in her mouth, but we take a look back and...

She's wrong.

Anyway, she doesn't just spit the liquid out -- she straight-up vomits. Everyone gags in response, and then Pumkin runs to kiss the old man while her face is covered in spittle. With penalties, she finishes in 11:01, but she should get extra deductions for being so damn gross. Real is up next and they immediately start playing sad clown music. Normally that means exactly what it says: contestant = sad clown, but he actually does well! He makes it through the bar without knocking any cups over, and all in all, he finishes in 5:30. Whiteboy has to beat this time to have a chance at being the Paymaster, and he responds appropriately.

That's nuts!

Every time he starts to topple over, he grabs at his ballsack, which is an odd reaction. Maybe he wants to make sure it doesn't detach, I don't know. He knocks over a few cups, pukes into the sand, and probably jerks himself off along the way. Unfortunately all of that equals up to a finish time of 8:17, but it means he won't be the person automatically placed in the strongbox, so he's got that going for him.

Megan goes next, and she has advantages and disadvantages at the same time. Pros: she's always drunk. Cons: her body is so long, there's a whole lot to wriggle around.

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

I doubt she's even that tall, her features just correspond oddly! She does well for many reasons though, including what Real praises her for: "having a deep throat." Heh. She finishes in 5:04, which means she has a legitimate chance at being Paymaster! Now it all depends on what Hoopz can do. In true Hoopz fashion, she makes it through the whole thing quickly and kind of elegantly. She actually grins through all of it, too -- even kissing the old guy! She admits she had to kiss Flav so it doesn't get much worse, which earns her a nice point on the joke board.

Hoopz didn't have any deductions, and that leaves her with a final score of 4:21! Hoopz is the Paymaster and Megan is a sad panda, which really seems like tradition now. Pumkin's ridiculous time means she's in the box by default, and with that, everyone's sent back to the house to get drunk for reals. Real starts in on this right away, drinking with Lily Megan, and he flashes back to Chance's infamous phone call. Chance advised Real to kill people, but since that would totally disqualify him from the 250 grand, he decides to tell Hoopz that Whiteboy is talking shit. Also, he shall molest her.

True love waits.

She gets irritated and is just like, "What the fuck are you thinking?" when he starts kissing her. Since that doesn't go over well, he tells her Whiteboy thinks she's a whore or some similar expletive. Hoopz doesn't believe that, but it still makes things awkward when Whiteboy saunters by like, "Hi, friends!" Hi, traitor!

« Survivor: Crap-frica | Main | Top Design: You Break It, You Denigrate It »

Posted in I Love Money by Bailey Quarters at 6:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: rubinia on Sep 30, 2008 06:32 AM.