Literally the second Hoopz plops into the taxi, cars collide and everything stops. Seriously, traffic is just done. All the cars have to back up and allow ambulances to clear. She requests a side street and then the cab almost backs into a bus, so it's like God is saying, "Forget the money. Race for your life, bitch!" They finally pull off to a shortcut, but by this point, Whiteboy is at the next destination.
He's on top of a hilly cliff type thing (technical term), and he has to run down the hill to the next checkpoint. It's like a natural obstacle course. Shit's just everywhere but he takes off running anyway. Death be damned! Back in the taxi, Hoopz is racing death, too. She's also having an orgasm.
There! Right there!
She finally makes it to the cliff and races down the course. Hilariously, she talks in confessional about how she's hoping Whiteboy hurt himself on the run. Maybe he broke some limbs and she can pull ahead! Thatta girl, Hoopz. Unfortunately he made it to the beach in one piece, although he seems stumped by the concept of sand. He plods through to the next challenge, where he has to roll a big coin through a sand "doom." Please believe me when I promise he used this term, it's not just me being deaf this time! He starts dooming along very slowly, giving Hoopz a chance to catch up. She's basically on his tail, so he stops and stares at her, naturally. Wouldn't you? Also, VH1 throws us this bone:
Don't tell us what to do, maaaan.
God, I love mistakes. Hoopz doesn't focus on this though, instead rolling her coin after Whiteboy. He makes it across the finish line about when she takes off, and he hops into a boat that'll take him to the final destination. She has no choice but to force herself through the challenge as quickly as possible, boarding the boat shortly after.
The next checkpoint is in the middle of the ocean, where the contestants have to jump off the boat and swim back to their house. So awesome! I hope they have to save Midget Mac along the way, too. Whiteboy makes it back without mark, and you know, there's only six minutes left in this show. If we seriously don't get the winner tonight and have to wait until next week's reunion, lo, I will be pissed. He gets to the house's private beach and runs up a couple hundred steps to the mansion. Hoopz is behind him, of course, but it's hard to say how far back she is.
Whiteboy stumbles into the backyard, where there's one more challenge. He has to hang pictures of the cast in the order they were eliminated, which really seems like a softball pitch. They just saw the seven most recent contestants last night, and there's only a few other people to piece in there. Whiteboy also sees the ease in this.
Jinx, buy me a Coke!
No, unsurprisingly, Whiteboy has no freaking clue what's going on. He knows Midget Mac went home first, followed by Nibblz, but that's about it. By the time he scores those two, Hoopz is on land. He lists Heat as number three and Destiney as number four, which is wrong. Then he picks Mr. Boston, who is also wrong, then Chance. Then he doesn't know what to do! Thinking's hard, y'all. He announces, "My recreational habits are not helping me whatsoever." They're not, but Hoopz's hobby of busting tail helps her out pretty well.
She makes it to the challenge and immediately starts laying pictures down. The weird thing is, they can both see each other's choices so they can more or less cheat off one another. Whiteboy peeps everything she's doing, but he still has mistakes. Hoopz turns hers in and she's got 'em all right! With literally zero fanfare, Hoopz wins! She doesn't believe this for a really long time, screeching about how this is wrong and then crying into CJ's shirt, but she totally wins!
The proof's in the picture!
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Comments (4)
Ha! Made it through another wonderful trainwreck of the best of reality tv!
I'm glad Hoopz won, she really does seem like a decent person. Although didn't kiss Flavor Flav? Ew.
But yeah, nice to have a glimpse of Toasted Toastee there. Ah, memories.
Hope you're covering the next VH1 freak show, Bailey. Thanks for the great recaps!
1 of 4 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 12, 2008 12:15 PM
Laugh out loud at Pumkin getting work done! OHHHH the reunion-waiting with baited breath.
2 of 4 | Posted by oldmomoftoddlerboys | Posted on October 12, 2008 6:49 PM
Thanks for the recaps.
I was glad (as I could be for something like this) that Hoopz won. She seems pretty nice and mature. Whiteboy was dignified in losing, too.
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 13, 2008 10:36 AM
"Real remarks that he looks like Tony Montana"
Tony Montana as in Scarface. Al Pacino. "Say hello to my little friend".
4 of 4 | Posted by Peter Pan | Posted on October 13, 2008 11:02 AM