And White Boy's up in arms too. He doesn't like nobody disrespecting women like that. I have to pause for a moment her to consider the fact that "respect" is being bandied about so abundantly here, and in only the first half of the first episode. Anyway, WB's not really sure what kind of game Midge Mac is runnin'. I'm pretty sure Hoopz is right and it all comes back to insecurity, but what did Midge expect? The Dress Up In a Tux and Take Gwyneth Paltrow On A Date To The Opera challenge?
Meanwhile, Mr. Boston is thrilled to be in his bikini. He stuffs it with what Heat calls about "five rolls of toilet paper" because, in Mr. Boston's own words, "I'm not very big down there." I...I...I want to comment and I just plain don't know what to say.
Except that patterns don't help.
When they get outside, they are informed by Craig J. that the first challenge - ooops, sorry the second challenge, after getting off the boat - will be G-String Strip Mall? Is that what he said? I replayed it like five times and that's all I got. Annoying Brandi C. starts jumping up and down like crazy as soon as she hears "G-String". It's actually a booth with money flying around in it that they have to grab as much of as they can.
Butterface - and may I pause to once again mention, such a hot body, but oh my, the face - tells us this challenge involves two of her favorite things, tanning and grabbing money. Where the hell did tanning come into this? Perhaps she is even stupider than I thought. The top two money grabbers will be the team captains, and they get to choose their teams. And you know who we haven't seen much of yet and I'm concerned? Flasher! Get in there, Flash. You so need to be team captain. Flash vs. Granny. Talk about dream teams!
Craig J. makes the one and only rule in this game clear - no picking up money from the floor. And then, Craig J. points out the various "uniform violations" amongst the contestants. Namely, Midge Mac and White Boy, who has also not donned his teeny bikini. But White Boy quickly changes her mind when he realizes what's at state. Midge Mac...not so much. And so for the first official challenge, Midge Mac is out. With an awful lot of swear words.
Nibblz wins for best line on a reality challenge show evaaaah, when she tells us "this challenge is not about strength or smarts, so I may have a chance to win this!" And what does it say about Butterface that even when it's not about strength or smarts, she still fucks it up right away? First thing, she bends down and grabs money off the floor of the booth. It's not totally her fault, the mere act of bending over to pick money off the floor is just second nature to this ho, but it disqualifies her immediately.
I have nothing to add.
Then it's Annoying Brandi C.'s turn. She has to give both herself and the poor viewer a big pep talk before getting in the booth, which doesn't bode too well for her. She tells us firmly that she's going to prove to the world that she's no "dumb blonde", and then informs us that she'll be winning this challenge with her sheer genius. And then promptly gets in the booth, bends down and picks up some money off the floor, exactly the way her dumbass pal did. The rest of the group comments on what a couple of morons these girls are. When the rest of the I Love Money cast is talking about how dumb you are, well, that's nothing good.
Heat does a little stripper routine during his turn in the windy money booth, and Annoying Brandi C. comments that he looks quite comfortable in his bikini. Now that I think back on it, I'm pretty sure me and Flippy met this jackass at the reality TV awards, and I was quite sure he was gay. We'll see. He says he's not a stripper, but being in the box was good practice.
Gay enough.
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Comments (17)
Flav's so superfierce about the fact that his name is "FlavOR Flav" that I have to give What's-It-J-Whatever props for the artculated "Flayv-Errr-Flav."
1 of 17 | Posted by Leah | Posted on July 13, 2008 9:36 PM
I'm glad you're recapping this- sadly, that was my first thought after seeing the previews.
This show is going to be such a trainwreck.
loves it.
2 of 17 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on July 14, 2008 2:18 AM
Glad you've got this one covered. I was hoping I wasn't the only one to notice white boy's cami, tat, and chain ensemble.
3 of 17 | Posted by tadow | Posted on July 14, 2008 3:45 AM
Excellent form of douchebaggery by Midget Mac. He was saying that he got more money than Hoops, and I yelled at my TV, "Hoops was the winner of the first FLAVOR OF LOVE! The runner-up of that season sent you home on her own show!"
And where did you get that picture of poor, disformed Mr. Heat?
4 of 17 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on July 14, 2008 5:24 AM
Great recap. There's so many vapid people on this show its got to be good. Heat is a total asshole. And I really dont see how everybody thinks Megan has a hot body. Boobs-yes, the rest of her?? Someone should point out her ass is as flat as her face.
5 of 17 | Posted by Poopsicle | Posted on July 14, 2008 7:37 AM
helllls yeah.
SO glad you're recapping this nightmare CB. looking forward to every diseased second.
i would happily nosh on some delightful Granny pancakes for the cause. though i have a sneaky suspicion they may taste a bit like worn leather and aqua net. still, i adore her.
anyone else notice annoying brandi's lips? methinks she had some (cheap, hack) work done with the cash she made living up to those highschool nicknames. you don't just wake up one day looking like a duck. she's looking as busted as her buddy, butterface flats. i abhore the 'i'm so hot it makes me stupid' act more than anything.
but with any luck destiney, flasher or granny will grind them both into dust. *(which will then be incorporated into the diamond inlay on craig j's krunk kup. though i will say, this cj is infinitely more articulate than that OTHER cj who hosts crap like this. trucker hats = unequivocal brain power indeed).
6 of 17 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on July 14, 2008 8:36 AM
Oh, this is a trainwreck.
Hate Megan with a passion.
ChickBomb, I seem to remember from "I love New York" that Mr. Boston is only half-Jewish. I don't know if it helps you, but it helped me a little.
7 of 17 | Posted by SpaceVenus | Posted on July 14, 2008 8:37 AM
Way to go, ChickBomb, you ruined all my sexytime fantasies of Boston by reminding me that he's "not real big down there"! Your recaps are spot-on and hysterical (and you save me from having to actually watch this show... sometimes it just makes me sad to see these people... I don't want to laugh at them while the show is airing because I feel guilty, but it's okay when I read about it later and laugh at them!). Much love to you,
xoxox
love, J-Mo :)
8 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 14, 2008 9:22 AM
White Boy would be easier to take if he didn't speak with that thick Yiddish accent all the time.
I think VH1 has finally hit on the right formula...can't wait!
9 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 14, 2008 5:35 PM
Itchy,
Seriously, it's a glorified Real World/Road Rules challenge with the most vapid people in History. MTV nailed this formula ten or twelve years ago.
10 of 17 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on July 14, 2008 7:27 PM
OMG....when Annoying Brandi C. said she'd build herself a Barbie dream house on the hills I busted out laughing. This bitch just said this retarded shit...outloud...on television.
I really do think this girl is so sadly stupid that she meant an actual Barbie dream house - like for actual Barbies.
11 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on July 14, 2008 8:28 PM
Hey, Slutty...sure, MTV might have figured it out (although they seemed to have backslid big time lately) but VH1 is just breaking wind here...none of this nonsense about 'looking for love'...this is pure reality porn...
Show seems to have some semblance of a production budget too.
12 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 15, 2008 10:50 AM
I loved this show!!!! It is so trashy. I cannot wait for this season. I loved the fact that you said Midget Mac was from "shantytown" because he totally was. I think he lives in the place where Scarlett O'Hara got jumped in GWTW. I liked Nigdet Mac on I LOVE NY, but he was annoying as hell here. Why is he so f-ing smug? What does he have to proud of? What did he mean when he told Hoopz he had more money than her and her !#$@. What did he mean? If he meant her p*ssy, it still doesn't make sense. I was praying that someone would throw his ass in the pool.
13 of 17 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on July 15, 2008 11:10 AM
great recap!
quick question, is anyone recapping brooke knows best?
14 of 17 | Posted by stina | Posted on July 16, 2008 11:31 AM
Lol ReeseWitherspoon. Nigdet Mac? I know what you meant to type, but the typo is just deliciously, awfully wrong and hilarious (I did a double take).
Anyhow, this show is going to be so amazing. SO glad VH1 decided to go this route instead of throwing more crap like Charm School at us
Also, looks like ROL 3 will be happening soon... never was the biggest fan of ROL series, but Flav is done and NY too presumably (she has her own show coming out soon) so I'll be watching..
15 of 17 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on July 16, 2008 9:27 PM
Shia...I hope this does not ruin your day but I read some time ago that there would be another installation of Charm School with the ROL girls and with Sharon Osbourne in the Monique role. I will miss Monique's innovation with the English language - "slutatious" being one of my favorite made-up words - but I will not miss her strange ennunciation...the breathy yet nasal way she said things like "pledge pin" drove me nuts.
16 of 17 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on July 17, 2008 4:48 AM
"This world was such a better place before Paris Hilton sprayed her herpes all over it." Never before have truer words been uttered, CB.
SOOOO glad you're recapping this one, darlin'. Go Grandma Rodeo!!
17 of 17 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShaz | Posted on July 23, 2008 6:33 AM