Greetings, Gasmii! Faithful readers of the I Love Money recaps know this is ChickBomb's territory, but since she needed to take a break for a bit, I'll be filling in! I know I have some big shoes to fill, but hopefully we'll all get along. Considering I sadly view I Love Money as the reality TV jackpot, I think this'll go just fine!
We start off with sweet memories of Mr. Boston being sent home last week, painting the walls with boogers on his way out. I'm born and raised in New York so genetically I'm predisposed to disliking Bostonians, but what the fuck, how has Mr. Boston made it this far in his life. I'm delighted I do not have to recap him!
After eliminations, Toastee explains that Destiney should've gone home since she's with The Entertainer, and no one likes either of them. Fair enough! Everyone may hate them, but 12 Pack is hated just a little more for botching their elimination plans. He will have to console himself in Heather's bosoms.
Hoopz, making one of her five seconds of screen time in this whole series, points out that The Entertainer said he's done if Destiney leaves. This is a plus. In confessional, she says she's sooo over the Gold Team and then lists the only people she can trust in the house, which is like everyone. She seriously names almost every person; I'm shocked Flava Flav himself isn't on that list. He never screwed her over!
Cut to the next morning and everyone is sleeping peacefully, especially The Entertainer and Destiney. Destiney has a 5:00 shadow that I am not entirely comfortable with.
Yet another thing they have in common: razor burn!
While they cuddle, 12 Pack and Heather make out on the other side of the room. In theory it feels like that should be a little gross, but these are the Rock of Love girls we're talking about, so we should just be grateful they're not having a fourgy. Heather inquires as to when The Entertainer and Destiney will get married, and her hand is right over 12 Pack's dick the whole time. Something tells me marriage is not the most important thing in these folks' lives. No matter, The Entertainer is all like, "We're totally tying the knot, I loooove marriage!" Sweet as that is, the most charming sentiment of all is when he announces, "You really know you like a girl when you have to fart and you hold it in." Destiney seems genuinely warmed by this, as though he's created a dutch oven in her heart.
Elsewhere in the house, Real talks in depth about his alliance while Chance rolls around on a bare mattress. I'm assuming he wet the bed, natch. Real says he's tight with Chance, Whiteboy, Hoopz, Pumkin, and Toastee. He basically says nothing can go wrong there, which means absolutely everything will go wrong in this episode. Gonna rock! Chance pulls his wet drawers back up and runs through the living room to get Destiney for God knows what reason, and Whiteboy complains that she's "off the ball, bro." Unfortunately I believe she's on the ball(s) and that's one of the issues at hand, but what do I know?
Destiney meets them inside, and she's pulling underwear out of her ass for the whole trip in there. Better underwear than The Entertainer's schlong, but still not super appropriate. I guess she wanted to pick a good seat for the team meeting. Even Brandi is repulsed!
That's one salty dog.
The group gets a call from CJ on the T-Mobile phone they can never hear correctly. They're always straining like they're listening to Rodeo's old rotary phone, which makes me want to sign up for a T-Mobile plan ASAP. The groups are told to suit up for the day's competition and pick new captains, which is as complicated as you'd imagine. Brandi babbles about how she postulated on being the captain, but decided against it in her ultimate wisdom, and finally Real decides to step up for the Green Team. Toastee takes over the role for the Goldies and apparently needs Heather's approval, which is weird. Heather is like, the Ultimate Captain. I genuinely adore Heather, so I'm disappointed that whenever they show her, she looks 5,000 years old next to the other girls. Her face is like the Grand Canyon, similar to her vagene.
After all the decision-making is finished, Hoopz saunters through the scene wearing my grandpa's pants.
Steve Urkel's in the hizzouse.
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Comments (10)
Thanks for picking up the torch (cum towel?) on this one...I'm only watching this skankfest because I enjoy reading the recaps so much (well, that's true with most of the shows I watch). Excellent call on Megan the Cartoon Cat!
For some reason everytime I watch this show I have the feeling I've been sprayed with a cocktail of body fluids...
I kind of like Destiney (not the stupid name/spelling of course), she actually seems like the most normal of the girls here. Although everytime I look at her face, it seems to me there's something off about it--like it's been built from plastic? Maybe she's a transexual, which would explain the 5 o'clock shadow?
As for a winner...I find it hard to generate much to care about. They're just going to blow all the money on drugs and nightclubs and a stupid car (which they'll wreck in a month) anyway. I like the yiddische gangsta (White Boy) though, it just cracks me up to hear him speak.
Ick, just thinking about these people makes me feel like I've watching one of those 'world's largest gangbang' competitions. I need a shower now.
1 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on August 9, 2008 11:33 PM
brave little toastee. lol.
that cracked me up. whats sad is that movie was on a few days ago and i actually watched it. great recap
2 of 10 | Posted by purplex15 | Posted on August 10, 2008 10:06 AM
Bailey Quarters, great job filling Chick Bomb's shoes! I look forward to reading about you blogging on The Entertainer's full blow Britney break down.
3 of 10 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on August 10, 2008 12:10 PM
I couldn't tell you the name of the show, without having to spend hours looking it up, but I remember years ago reading about a man getting crushed by a boulder on some obscure reality show. The show never aired.
I hated Destiney on rock of love because of her fight with Daisy, and I think her taste in men sucks (Entertainer?!? seriously?), but I was having a hard time not liking her.
4 of 10 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on August 10, 2008 4:39 PM
I like Destiney, I liked her on RoL and I liked her on this. I can't stand Megan and I am waiting for the day she gets hers--did anyone else see the previews where she was cuddling White Boy? EWWW! But, like you, BQ, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Heather ("Flasher" in chickbomb's recaps) and I am wrecked there isn't more airtime for her and 12-pack!! Think of the awesomeness that is that pairing!!
5 of 10 | Posted by kygirl93 | Posted on August 11, 2008 6:42 AM
LMAO at "vagene!"
6 of 10 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on August 11, 2008 10:28 AM
I am usally rolling on the floor laughing with the commentary. Honestly, this one didn't do much for me. I think you can recap without saying F, GD, and talking about sucking so much (are you a male?). To me that's not where the humor is. To really find the humor in the moment takes a bit more. Just my opinion!
7 of 10 | Posted by PBandJ | Posted on August 11, 2008 11:33 AM
I think you did a great job recapping this train wreck. I miss the biting, hostile, vicious snark.....er, I mean, nice job for a first time recap on this show. I really can't think of any more deserving of total condescension and sewerspeak (and gawd there are so many to choose from). But anyhow, nice job taking the hand off.
I always hated Megan on RoL, but this time around I can't help but love her smirkiness (maybe that's not a word, but like any of them would know that anyway).
Keep up the good work!
8 of 10 | Posted by shey | Posted on August 12, 2008 12:33 AM
Thanks so much for the fantastic comments, you guys! I'm so glad you're sticking with the recaps even though I'm no ChickBomb!
PBandJ -- Nope, not a male! I'm actually a very prudish, nerdy girl in my daily life. I'm sorry you didn't like it but I'll try to work on things over the next few weeks. Stick with me and we'll find a way to work together, I promise!
9 of 10 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on August 16, 2008 10:49 PM
Thanks BaileyQuarters. Stay true to yourself! That's what makes these so fun to read. You did a good job on the recap and I should have pointed out what I found positive too! Hoopz in your grandfathers pants was my favorite!
10 of 10 | Posted by PBandJ | Posted on August 19, 2008 1:35 PM