The Goldies only need one more person, Rodeo, in order to secure the win. Back on the Green Team, Megan scrambles to cry, and by the way I enjoy Megan obscenely. Her body is slammin' and she's dumb as a box of hair, which is everything I look for in a reality TV girl. I'm delighted every time she makes it through elimination! I'm also delighted that she looks like an anime cat while crying.
We are Siamese if you please.
Upon seeing how stellar Megan is at mewling, Rodeo realizes the pressure is on. She stomps her feet and wails that she wants her son, all while making sobby noises, which does little to evoke an actual tear. Thankfully for the Gold Team, Heather steps in to be awesome! She eggs Rodeo on by boredly being like, "Yeah, your son's not here. He's a million miles away, so..." Way to rub it in, girl! Sadly Heather's attempts are not enough, and Rodeo flounders while Whiteboy brings the competition to 4 Green, 5 Gold.
Obviously the Greens have to tie things up. To help Brandi cry, Megan slaps her and accomplishes absolutely nothing. With Brandi's extensive career in porn, a slap in the face is basically like clocking in for the day. It takes a lot more than that to get her emotions a-stirrin'. For similar reasons, it doesn't work when Brandi's teammates swear in her face. She actually seems happy about that, like it's the equivalent of a loving hug. Speaking of, you know who need a hug? Rodeo's son.
Brandi concludes she must gag herself, since that will make her cry. Unsurprisingly she's a fucking pro at puking. Again with the porn career - gagging's practically on her resume! While she regurgitates her dreams, Rodeo's teammates physically pry her eyes open to generate tears. It's a wonder they're not shoving their fingers in there and swirling them around. Suddenly, in one of the tensest moments in I Love Money history, it's down to Brandi and Rodeo! Brandi could tie it up!
Anticlimactically, Rodeo cries and the Goldies win. No one is shocked but for once, at least no one cries over it. The Gold Team hoots and hollers, and Heather decides, "Margaritas, I'm gonna be making." Drunk she will be! Since Toastee is the Paymaster for the Gold Team, she'll have to take a break long enough to take the three biggest losers from the Green Team on an outing. Drunk they will also be, I imagine.
Destiney thinks she'll be the first one in the vault, so she decides to martyr it up by sadly asking, "So, who's gonna throw me in the box tomorrow?" Everyone is like, "All of us, you bearded whore." She promptly packs her bags when she gets home, which is such a jinx. Learn from Mr. Boston's mistakes, Destiney! Packing your bags means you're automatically going home, since the sloths on this show wouldn't want that effort to go to waste! She weeps about it to The Entertainer, who says if she can't handle this, then just wait 'til she's been with him for six years and goes through all that mental shit. Maybe that's supposed to be encouraging but wow, if I were Destiney I'd be hanging myself from the ceiling fan around this time. Thanks for the support, lover.
The only thing Destiney's got going for her is her alliance with Toastee, which is not really an alliance. Remember in the first episode, when she kept Toastee and hoped Toastee would repay the favor? Yeah, that's what she's counting on. This is clearly the first thing on Toastee's mind, too, except that Toastee is pretty well toasted. She's also making Mo'Nique proud by putting her Charm School learnins' into action.
Open wide!
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Comments (10)
Thanks for picking up the torch (cum towel?) on this one...I'm only watching this skankfest because I enjoy reading the recaps so much (well, that's true with most of the shows I watch). Excellent call on Megan the Cartoon Cat!
For some reason everytime I watch this show I have the feeling I've been sprayed with a cocktail of body fluids...
I kind of like Destiney (not the stupid name/spelling of course), she actually seems like the most normal of the girls here. Although everytime I look at her face, it seems to me there's something off about it--like it's been built from plastic? Maybe she's a transexual, which would explain the 5 o'clock shadow?
As for a winner...I find it hard to generate much to care about. They're just going to blow all the money on drugs and nightclubs and a stupid car (which they'll wreck in a month) anyway. I like the yiddische gangsta (White Boy) though, it just cracks me up to hear him speak.
Ick, just thinking about these people makes me feel like I've watching one of those 'world's largest gangbang' competitions. I need a shower now.
1 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on August 9, 2008 11:33 PM
brave little toastee. lol.
that cracked me up. whats sad is that movie was on a few days ago and i actually watched it. great recap
2 of 10 | Posted by purplex15 | Posted on August 10, 2008 10:06 AM
Bailey Quarters, great job filling Chick Bomb's shoes! I look forward to reading about you blogging on The Entertainer's full blow Britney break down.
3 of 10 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on August 10, 2008 12:10 PM
I couldn't tell you the name of the show, without having to spend hours looking it up, but I remember years ago reading about a man getting crushed by a boulder on some obscure reality show. The show never aired.
I hated Destiney on rock of love because of her fight with Daisy, and I think her taste in men sucks (Entertainer?!? seriously?), but I was having a hard time not liking her.
4 of 10 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on August 10, 2008 4:39 PM
I like Destiney, I liked her on RoL and I liked her on this. I can't stand Megan and I am waiting for the day she gets hers--did anyone else see the previews where she was cuddling White Boy? EWWW! But, like you, BQ, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Heather ("Flasher" in chickbomb's recaps) and I am wrecked there isn't more airtime for her and 12-pack!! Think of the awesomeness that is that pairing!!
5 of 10 | Posted by kygirl93 | Posted on August 11, 2008 6:42 AM
LMAO at "vagene!"
6 of 10 | Posted by rubinia | Posted on August 11, 2008 10:28 AM
I am usally rolling on the floor laughing with the commentary. Honestly, this one didn't do much for me. I think you can recap without saying F, GD, and talking about sucking so much (are you a male?). To me that's not where the humor is. To really find the humor in the moment takes a bit more. Just my opinion!
7 of 10 | Posted by PBandJ | Posted on August 11, 2008 11:33 AM
I think you did a great job recapping this train wreck. I miss the biting, hostile, vicious snark.....er, I mean, nice job for a first time recap on this show. I really can't think of any more deserving of total condescension and sewerspeak (and gawd there are so many to choose from). But anyhow, nice job taking the hand off.
I always hated Megan on RoL, but this time around I can't help but love her smirkiness (maybe that's not a word, but like any of them would know that anyway).
Keep up the good work!
8 of 10 | Posted by shey | Posted on August 12, 2008 12:33 AM
Thanks so much for the fantastic comments, you guys! I'm so glad you're sticking with the recaps even though I'm no ChickBomb!
PBandJ -- Nope, not a male! I'm actually a very prudish, nerdy girl in my daily life. I'm sorry you didn't like it but I'll try to work on things over the next few weeks. Stick with me and we'll find a way to work together, I promise!
9 of 10 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on August 16, 2008 10:49 PM
Thanks BaileyQuarters. Stay true to yourself! That's what makes these so fun to read. You did a good job on the recap and I should have pointed out what I found positive too! Hoopz in your grandfathers pants was my favorite!
10 of 10 | Posted by PBandJ | Posted on August 19, 2008 1:35 PM