Testimonials

Things are going well until sharks start swimming up. Sharks! Only Real notices or cares, and he wisely assumes he's about to die. Longtime readers of my recaps know I long to cover the first reality TV death, but shit, not death by terrifying sharks. I prefer death by icemaker, things like that. Real scurries out of the water, holding his hand in the air and squawking all the way. In his words, his fingers got "spiked up" in the water. I assumed that meant they got all pruney, but apparently something bit him? He wails about how he's bleeding and got stung by a rock, which is even more confusing than going skydiving with tables. Real lives in a special place. His hands are legitimately disgusting but don't show any sign of rocks or blood, so it's all kind of weird and confusing. Toastee is super sympathetic, bragging about how she's faked an injury before so she knows all about this. Way to represent, Toast.

Once everyone is safely on shore, they decide to talk game. Before speaking to anyone, Toastee concludes she doesn't want to send Brandi home, which makes sense. Brandi can barely tie her own shoelaces, so it's not like she's about to start sweeping every competition. It's basically between Real and Destiney, so Real runs his mouth about how he's staying for sure. Probably not the best idea to be a dickhole right in front of the Paymaster though, you know? PS: yes, using that title seriously makes me slightly sad.

Toastee asks Destiney if she has any alliances in the house, and Destiney's like, "First and foremost is my alliance with you!" Visible confusion splashes across Toastee's face, since that was weeks ago, dude. She listens while Destiney lists the reasons why Real should go home, but of course none of them sink in. Destiney might as well be singing and shaking maracas for all the impact she has. Real counters by saying he should stay since strong people will win this thing. See, if I were Toastee, that would inspire me to get rid of him so I could win, but Toastee I am not. I am grateful for this near daily.

When it's time for her to pick someone for a twee solo date, she chooses Real. She's not sure if it's a good idea to keep such a strong player around to benefit the Greenies, and he's like, "Wait, so it was a bad idea for me to nominate myself for eviction?" No shit, guy. He argues that Toastee will need him, which she agres with, but at least for a minute she really seems to be considering breaking up the Stallionaire alliance. Do it, girl! Be a brave little Toastee!

They're home soon enough, and The Entertainer immediately corners Ye Olde Paymaster to fight for Destiney. He's so creepy and threatening, so even his most casual conversations are scary. Now that he's actually trying to fight for something, he looks like he could just slice her head off. He tries to persuade her by talking about how she'd make history for eliminating Real, and I have to agree - the show's Wikipedia page will look wicked awesome. Beyond that, though, no one will ever care.

Toastee calls the Gold Team together for a meeting, and Heather is basically dry humping 12 Pack so it's not high on her list of priorities. Everyone meets up anyway, and Toastee drops the bomb that Real might be the best person to eliminate.

Hoopz smells what The Rock is cooking.

The meeting is basically Hoopz being stank, Toastee getting saddee, and Pumkin looking grotesque. Sometimes she legitimately looks like a Chihuahua, so between Pumkin and Megan, we've got a whole menagerie.

Unsurprisingly, they can't reach any conclusion. The only thing that's unanimous is that Brandi is so fabulously useless, there's no need to send her home. She agrees with that! Before the elimination ceremony begins, CJ asks The Entertainer if he'll really go home to prove his devotion to Destiney, which is like the million dollar question. If he says yes, obviously they're sending Destiney home! Just as obviously, he'll walk away with about 54 cents, which is what I assume VH1 pays for appearing on their programs. Ultimately he looooves money, as we all know, so dude is sticking around. He squaws about this in confessional and I swear to God, there's a kind of half-assed swastika reflected in his forehead.

Heil The Entertainer!

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Posted in I Love Money by Bailey Quarters at 3:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: PBandJ on Aug 19, 2008 01:35 PM.