This week on I Love Money, the challenge is so earth-shatteringly gross I gagged many times while discussing it! This was charming to everyone near me, as I wrote most of this recap in a train station. Hello, world! Enjoy my mucous!
We open to everyone lounging in the living room while The Entertainer runs his mouth, a shock to no one. He's convinced he'll be the Paymaster this week, so he tells everyone to be worried and then adds, "Except for you" to Heather. Nothing like keeping your alliance a secret! Heather isn't exactly reassured, since The Entertainer is incompetent and everyone hates him. Personally I can't believe she wouldn't want to be associated with that bag of tricks. She decides to hunt out some sympathy, so she searches for Megan, who's busy being a cripple.
Lend her a hand, will ya?
Heather joins Brandi and Megan on the lawn, and she's so super fake it's delicious. Last episode she was screaming about Megan being a whore, now she's sitting on the grass and mumbling, "So excited, like yayyy, funnnn!" Love it! When the Brokedowns ignore her ass, she tries to make friends with Lily instead, but even the dog is too smart for her games. Heather has no choice but to flounce inside, but it's good timing anyway - it's time for the call from CJ!
This challenge will test their strength, agility and accuracy. It sounds enjoyable but if you recall from last week, the challenge is a fucking Spitathon and that's enjoyable for no one. Megan worries about the competition since she doesn't know what agility means. Sadly I'm not just ragging on her, she legitimately asks that question. She asks Brandi, the Harvard graduate.
Wait, did you ask for the number of my manicurist?
Everyone loads into the vans and heads off to a soccer field. Toastee wears a tiara for the trip because well, of course she does. The stipulations for this round are similar to the last - the first person to lose is in the strongbox, the last person standing is the Paymaster. Simple enough. CJ introduces the challenge, the grand ol' Spit Olympics, and Pumkin is delighted! Look at the history she created! Everyone laughs and laughs, except for Whiteboy who seriously does not want to catch hepatitis and resents everyone in the house who has it. Read: everyone in the house.
The challenge will have the houseguests spitting for distance, height, and accuracy. So fucking foul. They start off with the long spit and it involves terminology like "spit speckle." I wish I could stop throwing up in my mouth but I can't! It is so damn gross, and I'd love to get past it but cannot. We're going to keep this shit short and sweet, kids. Everyone drinks green liquid and then spits it all the fuck over, and it's really something. It inspires Heather to talk about her bronchitis, with an emphasis on the "ch." I wish Heather was just doing a voiceover on top of all the spitty sounds, I could get into that! Luckily Brandi helps ease the grossness of it all, delighting the world with the fact that she's "better at swallowing than spitting." Thanks, girl! Hilariously, VH1 has to censor the word swallowing. In that light, she might as well have said cum-guzzling, it all plays the same.
The Entertainer worries he won't make it past the first round, since he's never spit in his life. Yeah, I totally believe that, what with him smoking for 45 years. Nice try. He manages to come in first in the distance round, though! Megan, Toastee and Brandi are kicked out, with Megan being in the strongbox for sure. First they have a spitathon and now they're taking my Megan away? Damn the man!
The second round is the high spit, and again The Entertainer out-garfs them all. Hoopz, Heather and Pumkin are eliminated, and that means it's down to the boys. Heather is stoked that The Entertainer is doing decently at something for the first time in years, but reminds us she only cares that he's loyal and has a heart. That's all that matters! Why not make an alliance with Lily then, shit. Anyway, the last round is for accuracy, so the fellas have to spit into targets and you know what? It's still gross, although the spray is minimal. Thank you, Jesus.
The requirements for the accuracy round are to hit as many targets as possible in one minute. The Entertainer wants to produce liquid from other places, but it's a no-go even though he illustrates it quite nicely.
Double Fisters Anonymous.
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Comments (7)
"Toastee wears a tiara for the trip because well, of course she does."
I don't normally say anything about recaps but that line was brilliant in its simplicity!
Oh, and Entertainer said he wanted to call a "truce" with Hoopz, not "troops". :-P
1 of 7 | Posted by nashuaf | Posted on September 7, 2008 4:52 AM
charades picture=brilliance
2 of 7 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on September 7, 2008 10:19 AM
A TRUCE, that makes much more sense! I was channeling Lily when I wrote that part, apparently.
Thank so much for reading and commenting!!
3 of 7 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on September 7, 2008 5:39 PM
Okay, here's what I don't get: why is the Entertainer the most hated person in the house? Maybe they're not showing us what he really does around there, because I just don't see how he's any more obnoxious or annoying than any of the others. I have to figure he's a real asshole offscreen.
I mean, in terms of what comes at me from the screen, I much prefer him to White Boy's ghetto yiddish godfather or Real's dwarfish blahness. He looks like he could be Midget Mac's son. Kind of cute the way he's panting after Hoopz (or is that Houce? Get it? Truce...houce...oh whatever.)
And while I appreciate Megan's maliciousness, her elongated body (looks like the female version of Plastic Sam) leaves me cold.
I like Toastee though, she's so cutely stupid. Hoopz is more of a non-entity in the show. Brandi C is a treat, I always wondered what those porn girls sound like when their mouths aren't full.
Oh, and another thing, I've never been on the Heather fanwagon, but on this show she just seemed tired. Like without Bret Michaels as a foil, she'd lost her raison d'etre.
4 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 7, 2008 11:51 PM
Wonder why there was no new show this week? The Olympics are over and the holiday weekend was last weekend.
5 of 7 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:16 AM
Great Recap as always! I usually don't post but for this episode I had to because as a massage therapist I have to say the likelyhood of Brandi being licensed in massage is pretty slim to none because few Massage therapists would call themself a "licensed masseuse." Most states have regulations regarding title protection in massage and the term masseuse is a term often used when the person hasn't actually attended any schooling for massage. (Thus she wouldn't be licensed) If she had gone through an accredited school but just hadn't passed her national exams she'd most likely call herself a "Massage Practitioner" or if she had passed all the requirements then she'd just call herself a Massage Therapist or similar title depending on what state she practiced in. I would say that maybe she's just not very bright but that's probably a given to anyone who's watched this show anyhow.
6 of 7 | Posted by Reiray | Posted on September 8, 2008 9:09 AM
wintersux
I assume there wasn't a new episode on this week due to the VMA's airing on MTV at the same time...that was my guess.
7 of 7 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on September 8, 2008 12:20 PM