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Buddha fakes the challenge perfectly, and Cheezy gleefully shares that he can stand out there all night. Oh, please do! I'd love to see him get so sleep-deprived that he goes all Dustin Diamond on us and performs a porn tease for the camera. Everyone lines up, and Buddha gives in a little after 3 AM. Several other dudes follow shortly after, but Tailor Made vows to stand for as long as it takes, which makes me do the Snoopy Dance with sheer joy. By 5:47 AM, there are only three contestants left. Tailor Made and It are basically standing against each other and dozing off, while Cheezy rests against a palm tree. He wusses out shortly before the sun comes up, but lo, Tailor Made and It are strong! They shall survive! They shall be made to look like asses!

Hours later, New York comes out in her sleeping cap for an early morning smoke, which I find a little hard to believe since you know she smokes in bed. She's one of those "stars" who will burn her place down when she falls asleep with a cigarette in her mouth. She asks Tailor Made and It what the hell they're doing outside, and It immediately explains what Buddha did during the night. This is all a little scripted, methinks. You'd imagine he'd be like, "Uh, we're out here for your challenge," but whatevskies. New York tells them there's no challenge, so basically they stood outside for seven hours for nothing. She doesn't even offer to eat breakfast with them for their trouble, since she says everyone knows she's not a breakfast person. Sad panda! It would be so fantastic if she eliminated them tonight and was like, "If you guys really had love for me, you'd know I don't enjoy eggs." That said, she does have a fondness for sausage.

Tailor Made goes inside and asks who read the note last night, to which Wolf answers, "Y'all been out there since last night?" Way to kick him when he's down! Wolf proceeds to make fun of him all through his ranting and raving, and finally Tailor Made grabs at a light bulb and tries to crush it with his bare hands. The light stays on just fine, but the editors add a glass breaking noise for effect anyway. Thanks, guys! So profesh.

The butler calls everyone down for a note from New York, specifically asking Buddha to read it. Tailor Made's hair plugs explode from his skull due to all his pent-up anger. The letter says New York's looking for a man who can help her build her brand and her bank account. Nothing like subtlety, right ladies? The guys will be split into teams, and they'll have two hours to come up with a plan to build her empire, as New York is incapable of working on her own. Then they'll present the plan to her, along with Sister Patterson and a very special guest. The winning team will get some private time with New York, and the team member who stands out the most will get to have sex with her on top of the dining room table. Actually they'll just get a solo date, but that's usually what it boils down to anyway.

The first team consists of Cheezy, It, and Tailor Made, probably because they were the last three jackasses standing outside all night. They're basically asleep as soon as they get their team assignments, so you know they'll come up with a really impressive project. Hopefully Cheezy will suggest something from the mind of his Saved by the Bell alter ego, and he'll want New York to design a line of pocket protectors. The next group is Wolf, Buddha, and an attractive Hispanic kid I swear I've never seen before.

What a beautiful sky! That's not a cardboard backdrop at all!

They don't even mention the Hispanic kid's name, so I'd love to imagine it's something really racist, like Chalupa. No matter, Buddha's pretty confident about the team and his ideas. Unfortunately, he really shouldn't be. His ideas are like, New York should have her own line of cars. That doesn't sound like a terrible move at all, right? Who wouldn't go to a dealership and pick a Tiffany Patterson over a BMW? Another idea is a New York book of etiquette. Yes, sure. She'll start writing that just as soon as she finishes calling this guy a retard, and telling that guy his breath smells like his mama's vag. Chalupa suggests they do something with iPods, which seems to go over pretty well. I hope they create a skin that's just a big picture of her breasticles.

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Posted in I Love New York by Bailey Quarters at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: jennloupus on Nov 1, 2007 10:04 AM.