Testimonials

The next team is our boys ManMan, Midget Mac, and The Entertainer. They all have the creativity of a second grade art class, so they promptly set off to find the best sheet of stickers to use. The Entertainer's idea is to sell cologne at $200 a bottle, which would absolutely never happen. ManMan agrees the idea is ridiculous, especially since The Entertainer tops it off by tying some sort of cape to it. This would totes help the Superman brand, but probably not New York. The Entertainer says he'd definitely pay $200 for it since the bottle would last him for at least a year, and Midget Mac nods like he relates, although he does not. Let's face it: a sample size of cologne lasts Midget Mac for decades.

Pretty, Mr. Wise, and Punk decide to work on a fashion line. Punk brags about how great the team will be, since they all actually have an education, but there's no way they'll win. Their plan is to involve Sister Patterson in the fashion line and market it towards middle-aged women, and you know the second they insinuate that Sister Patterson is middle-aged, her rage kettle will explode with hot buttery rage corn. She's such a young spry chicken!

Cheezy, It, and Tailor Made decide to do something called a blaxploitation film (you can thank Wikipedia for the spelling), to which I say: uh, really? Doesn't sound like something New York's going to eat up. It agrees with me and suggests something even more marvelous - portable AIDS tests! That's right up New York's alley. What slut doesn't need an at-home AIDS test, you know? Thank God It is on this show, he's going to change the world for the better.

Cheezy tries to pitch the movie idea again, saying it'll be a remake of Foxy Brown, and It acts like he understands. Then he says, "She fights crime. She makes sure that girls are having sex with condoms on." That's actually what all my favorite crime-fighters do. My favorite episode of Batman is the one where he's all, "Hold up, Mr. Freeze. Wrap your willy before you get silly." Just as Tailor Made changes the subject to whine about getting 45 minutes of sleep last night, the butler announces time is up. Needless to say, things don't look good for Team Moron.

Everyone loads into vans and drives to meet up with New York, Sister Patterson, and another random gal. She doesn't seem that important, especially since Sister Patterson's hideous new weave is stealing focus.

She's Cleopatra, comin' atcha!

New York introduces the other lady, celebrity publicist Siri Garber. New York says she needs a publicist because she's a huge star who's only getting bigger, and I'm sure it has nothing to do with her being spectacularly rude at all times. Some of Siri's other clients include Jeremy Piven and Paris Hilton, so yeah, I'm sure she's working with New York because of her clean-cut image.

In confessional, New York confides that her therapist says she has too many issues with depending on men and their money. Wait, she has issues? Holy shit, I gotta sit down for a minute and wrap my mind around this one. Luckily New York has a handle on it, so instead of depending on their money, she'll just have them earn some for her. Perfecto!

The first team up is Chalupa (who is actually named 20 Pack), Wolf, and Buddha. Their iPod is devoted strictly to New York, so it includes her sassiness, her caringness, her sexiness, and I would imagine her smelliness. You know she must reek like an old ashtray. They try to impress her by explaining that the iPod comes loaded with seasons one and two of her show. Oh, hoopty hoo! New York really doesn't give a shit about any of this, but she starts to fantasize about having sex with Buddha on the presentation table. Dude, who called that?! I win!

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Posted in I Love New York by Bailey Quarters at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: jennloupus on Nov 1, 2007 10:04 AM.