Testimonials

ManMan, Midget Mac, and The Entertainer have to present their embarrassing bottle of cologne next. Siri wonders why they think perfume is a good product for New York. It would be awesome if they were like, "Uh, because she stinks" but instead the guys just grin goofily. Amazingly New York doesn't go for the bottle and its cape, so The Entertainer blames ManMan for the whole project, since he did most of the speaking. Of course it was all The Entertainer's idea, but hey, what can you do? Midget Mac asks if they'd like to hear the slogan, so he hops onto the table and yells, "Smells so good, it makes you want to slap your mama!" That actually impresses New York, but I think Midget Mac could light his farts on fire and she'd still be into it. She just wants to dress him up like a babydoll, that's the root of her attraction.

The next presentation is by the group titled Pretty Wise Punk, which is actually fairly clever. They changed their fashion line to clothing for juniors and young adults, and it's really kind of awesome. Cardboard cut-outs of New York are dressed in sample outfits, and they have plans to hire young urban designers for the company. New York is digging it, at least until they say the brand represents "knowing you look unbelievably voluptuous." Had to screw it up, right? New York is offended since voluptuous basically means fat, and she knows how to squeeze her ass into a size two. I have no idea where the hell her tits go when she's wearing that size two, but I guess that's why they're always jiggling out of her tops.

New York says the last group will really have to impress her, since Pretty Wise Punk had their act together, with the exception of calling her a lard-ass. Naturally, the last three guys are sound asleep in the waiting room. Somehow they rouse themselves to do their presentation, which Cheezy thinks is all kinds of spectacular. It can't possibly go well when the geeky white dude is suggesting something about how black she is, but he's soiling himself with anticipation. Their film is titled BAB: Bad Ass Bitch, Shut Yo Mouth. Uh. I kind of don't know what to make of that.

Sensing that the presentation might go awry, It takes over and does it in character, wearing some kind of military helmet. He'll be playing the protector in the movie, which makes sense. He seems like he'd be the perfect guy to rely on in an emergency. Siri requests a demonstration of the action scenes in the film, so Tailor Made plays an angry robot and It stops him with cries of, "Hey, hey." Impressive. Cheezy steps up to give a synopsis of the film, and it stars NY-Tifahontas, who fights men who disrespect women. What's frightening is that New York is actually nodding along like she loves it. She starts clapping when he says the film will make $60 million domestically, and oh my God, this is all so stupid. I'm someone who watched and loved Temptation Island on a weekly basis, so it's saying a lot that I Love New York is getting too silly for me to handle.

After a short while, New York heads back to the mansion to announce the results. She thought ManMan, Midget Mac, and The Entertainer's presentation was awful, but she enjoyed Mac's little outburst at the end. For Buddha, 20 Pack, and Wolf, she says Apple came up with that shit five years ago. Admittedly their presentation was pretty craptastic, but wow, I'd love to take New York to a store so she could see the many different types of iPods, since apparently she is unfamiliar.

While that presentation was bad, she loved the movie idea! However, she thought the character was a little over the top. New York is pretty low-key, so I understand where she's coming from. Finally she gets to Pretty Wise Punk, and she loved pretty much everything about their presentation, yet somehow, the freaking film idea wins. Seriously. Team Moron pulls it off, and everyone in the LA area shows up at New York's door to be like, "Wait, what the fuck?" The whole entire project is sad, but they get the win and she grants Tailor Made the solo date. On the spot, Cheezy cries himself a river.

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Posted in I Love New York by Bailey Quarters at 9:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: jennloupus on Nov 1, 2007 10:04 AM.