New York's therapist says she tends to gravitate towards men that are less than stable (no shit), so today she's bringing them to a research institute to find out which one is right for her. Glad to find out this was her thrilling plan for the day. Swell! She introduces them to Bart Baggett, a psych technician, and The Entertainer immediately gets nervous. He says, "Terrific. I've been through tests like that before," and it's great because it just makes him sound like a mental patient. New York says Bart will evaluate the guys on compatibility, and whoever's most compatible with her will win a date tonight.
Tailor Made is up first, and he's completely certain he's the most compatible. I disagree but that's only because I'm still laughing over his name, George Weisgerber. Please God, let them get married so she can be Tiffany Weisgerber. I would give up my first born for that crap. Bart starts with some ink blot tests, and Tailor Made has to say the first thing that comes to mind. Unless the picture looks filthy it's sort of worthless to describe it, so for the first one, Tailor Made says a mask. Next he says a flower, which is also what New York and Punk say during their tests. Hoorah! In contrast, The Entertainer says a devil. I picked flower, too, so take my word for it - it's a flower and The Entertainer is just a nut.
Buddha comes in for his test, and for every picture he goes, "That's just really cool." I love this kind of stupidity. He's reacting like Bart painted these pictures or something, like he wants some flattery. Love it! Meanwhile, The Entertainer sees a few more and says they're all devils. You are a psycho.
The next test is the doodle test, so they're given six squares with a couple of symbols and they have to personalize them. Easy enough. Tailor Made decides everything represents his relationship with New York: his house with New York, his cars with New York, his honeymoon with New York. You are boring. Punk at least livens things up by drawing the doors to New York's bedroom. Aww yeah, gettin' bizzay. The Entertainer customizes his squares so they're all related to him, which Bart points out is a little narcissistic. The Entertainer happily agrees, so that implies he probably doesn't understand what "narcissistic" means. Luckily New York does the same, and Bart randomly bursts out, "That probably means you like to have sex in front of the mirror." He's known her for about 14 seconds so you'd think she'd be horrified, but she nods and gleefully informs him she has. Oh boy!
The final test is a handwriting analysis. Tailor Made's cursive is super gorgeous and girly, and as someone who can only write her name in script, I'm completely jealous. Unfortunately Bart discovers Tailor Made has an unresolved resentment with strong, challenging women. Tailor Made's reaction to that looks like, well...is it repetitive to say it looks like the devil?
Bringing sexy back.
Budda's signature shows he's masculine and aggressive, but his regular writing is pretty damn feminine. Bart says Buddha has two personalities and he doesn't know which will show up sometimes, and Buddha's like, "Yeah, you're not the first person to say so." Then they share an awkward moment over Buddha being bipolar.
In the waiting room, Buddha mentions to Punk that he was on an episode of Nip/Tuck that aired a while ago. What the fuck, is everyone on that show? They must be desperate for extras, y'all. He says he played a fantasy man, and as he goes on about his acting career, New York starts stewing. She's the only one who can be famous in a relationship! This scene will be Buddha's downfall. New York says Buddha was giving out his resume and not paying any attention to her, which obviously should be his complete purpose in life. Fuck a career, he's got New York sitting right there! She starts to worry he's just there for the cameras, so her head spins around in circles and she asks if this is a job for him, too. He's like, "You can't be serious," and she spews green vomit everywhere. Danger, Will Robinson!
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Comments (15)
Thank you, Baily Quarters, for making my life worth living with your hilarious ILNY2 recaps!!
"steamed his wife beater and button down shirt like all classy gents"... You're a genius!
1 of 15 | Posted by Michigan | Posted on December 3, 2007 6:47 AM
I thought one of the funniest parts was when Mr. Wise was getting booted and NY mentioned something about how articulate he was. Um...imapoovittou much!
2 of 15 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on December 3, 2007 8:59 AM
Great recap, BaileyQ! I love reading them every week.
Best part not shown: When New York fell down the steps! She misstepped, fell down like 3 stairs and did not spill a DROP of her drink. Hilarious!
Check it out on VH1.com.
3 of 15 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on December 3, 2007 10:12 AM
OMG! This show is so freakin crazy, I mean, The Entertainer is so freakin crazy. He looks like he may have a split personality. He scares me :(
I think Tailor Made should get with a rich chic, Punk is way to good for her, so that makes either Looney or Actor (my names I made for them) one of the ones she deserves. I can't wait to see the next episode. FINALLY some calls them transvestites!! Took long enough!!!
4 of 15 | Posted by garciape | Posted on December 3, 2007 12:39 PM
This recap is my favorite because of the use of "quadraboob" which I now wish was my screenname. Dammit!
The fact that Buddha is still pissed about Chance is so funny to me, I mean, does he not realize she is also currently dating 4 other guys?? Oh but, Buddha, I do give you credit for figuring out how to get the most screen time - not to shabby!
It killed me that NY kept talking about how she needed a "wife" and Tailor Made was all about it - dude acting so desperate that you would do whatever this bitch wants (i.e. penis surgery or comb out NY's weaves every night while she's screwing other guys) is pathetic!
Oh well, I'm kinda entertained by this show, but 100x more by the recaps! Hilarious!
I hope Buddha wins, and pulls the exact same shit as Tango!! HAHA
5 of 15 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on December 3, 2007 1:49 PM
"Unsurprisingly, New York reacts like a pig in shit."
Best line ever.
6 of 15 | Posted by yummy | Posted on December 3, 2007 3:36 PM
I've never actually watched this show and I realize I never really cool. They'd have to be a disappointment after these recaps.
Awesome job.
7 of 15 | Posted by Fomhoire | Posted on December 3, 2007 7:53 PM
Hahah awesome recap.
Punk is just odd all around.
He really does have a disturbing body, and its more than the boobs. I think its really weird that his he doesn't have cut abs when his arms are so muscley. Its just strange.
Plus in the confessional he always looks like he's high. And he sounds like Mickey Mouse.
8 of 15 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on December 3, 2007 10:14 PM
I'm kind of confused I don't really remember if it was in this episode or tonight's that Buddha was sitting on a rock "looking at the scenery" and he won't talk to her when she goes looking for him and I loved that she was like o (bleep)kay and then she kinda tripped hahaha. Great recap BTW you always make me laugh :)
9 of 15 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on December 3, 2007 10:20 PM
shia0bundan, I always think the same think about Punk in the confessional...his eyes look a little red, has he been smoking the reefer? hee hee!
10 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 4, 2007 3:04 AM
I AM SOOO ADDICTED TO THIS SMUT T.V. AS MY MOTHER WOULD CALL IT. IM ADDICTED TO THESE RECAPS JUST AS MUCH. GREAT JOB. TO DEFEND PUNK ID BE HIGH IF I HAD TO LIVE IN THAT HOUSE TOO. BY THE WAY DO THE RUNNER UPS GET A LIFETIME OF NEWPORT 100'S THEY BLUR OUT ALL THE OTHER LABELS BUT THERE IS NO MISTAKING THAT CIGARETTE. THEY GO WITH WEED PERFECTLY MAKES YOUR HIGH LAST LONGER. AT LEAST THATS WHAT I HEARD.
11 of 15 | Posted by CHRISW78 | Posted on December 4, 2007 5:00 AM
My sister swears that Punk is on steroids. Whaddya think? The huge muscles don't fit w/his profession (lawyer) and his voice is high ...she sez that's a dead giveaway... but I don't wanna believe it!
12 of 15 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on December 4, 2007 8:26 AM
'Roid rage could explain the flipping of the table.
13 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 4, 2007 10:31 AM
Thanks so much for the great comments, you guys!! I'm a shitty replier but I am totally appreciative. I also think Punk could totally be on roids and now I'm going to watch his interviews more closely for it -- and possibly manip his head on Mickey Mouse's body.
14 of 15 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on December 6, 2007 10:19 PM
Cmon Bailey, I'm going through withdrawal here!!!!
15 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 10, 2007 10:07 AM