Since her mom keeps saying The Entertainer is perverted, she decides to get to the bottom of that. She asks him if she's a sexual conquest, although I really don't see why she would be. I feel like I could fuck New York if I really wanted to, so what's the big deal here, guys? He says she seems like she's into freaky shit so that's why he's really turned on, and I'd just like you to know he totally drops food off his fork and onto his lap while he's talking. Undeterred, New York asks if he thought she was easy. He says no, but I say yes. Upon asking for his definition of "freak," the editors flash back to when he sucked on her fucking toes, which I've neglected to mention for a week or two! This must be the show's way of striking back at me for lying down on the job, much like New York does on a daily basis.
He says it's easier to show her what "freak" means rather than explain it, so she comes out and asks if he wants to sleep with her. He says he wants her but he wants to get to know her, and she actually looks offended. How amazing is it that New York would rather get fucked than have a heart-to-heart with this dude? Yay, New York! In confessional she says she likes that he speaks his mind, but she still has her doubts about him.
At this point a belly dancer trots over to their table, because I guess that happens in a lot of restaurants? She's pretty hot so it's all good. New York encourages The Entertainer to dance with her, and oh my God if he sucks on this woman's bare feet then I will just die. He's hesitant, and it finally comes down to New York insisting and The Entertainer covering his face and whining about how he doesn't wanna dance. His thinking is that he finally won a date with New York, so he doesn't want to waste time with a belly dancer, but I bet it's actually something ridiculous like, "The belly dancer has ties to evil spirits!"
She asks him if he really doesn't want to do it, and he says, "Absolutely not" in the most harrowing voice ever. He is fucking terrifying. To prove it, in confessional he goes, "I'm losing my fucking mind, especially right now I'm losing it. I'll start taking every glass and throwing it up against the restaurant if I have to." Um, how about you don't! Why would that be his response to anything, let alone something as silly as this? When I Love New York is making you lose your mind, you know your life is sad.
New York says he's upsetting her, so he says the same thing back. Of course that prompts her to be like, "Don't go there," which is kind of dumb. I feel like it's a bad idea to tell a crazy person not to do anything, unless it's slitting your throat. Then you should probably have him back off, sure. Ultimately he agrees to dance with the girl and everything is hunky-dory. Just a hunch but I'm pretty sure that when a person gets enraged and then chills out immediately like that? That means they're a crazy mofo.
The Entertainer decides to play a prank on the guys, which is fitting. He doesn't want them to know his date went well, so he plans to come in cursing about how it was the worst time ever, and then New York will tell him to get the fuck out of her house. He'll reply, "Fuck you, I was leaving anyway," and what a happy time it will be! He'll pack his things and then as soon as he gets to the door, he'll yell, "Psych!" and unpack silently. Um. He is crazy. Unsurprisingly, New York reacts like a pig in shit.
Back at the house, Tailor Made says in addition to The Entertainer being crazy, he's very superstitious. The guys light a bunch of candles and rearrange all the furniture in hopes of scaring the shit out of him. New York and The Entertainer arrive home from their date and he immediately starts screaming his face off. It's a shame all the other guys are chilling in the backyard though, so they don't hear a word of it. This goes on for like an hour: The Entertainer packs and throws things, the other dudes sleep in the yard. Finally The Entertainer realizes there's no one around, which shows how remarkably astute he is, and then he notices all the candles and destruction. Someone smells trouble!
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Comments (15)
Thank you, Baily Quarters, for making my life worth living with your hilarious ILNY2 recaps!!
"steamed his wife beater and button down shirt like all classy gents"... You're a genius!
1 of 15 | Posted by Michigan | Posted on December 3, 2007 6:47 AM
I thought one of the funniest parts was when Mr. Wise was getting booted and NY mentioned something about how articulate he was. Um...imapoovittou much!
2 of 15 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on December 3, 2007 8:59 AM
Great recap, BaileyQ! I love reading them every week.
Best part not shown: When New York fell down the steps! She misstepped, fell down like 3 stairs and did not spill a DROP of her drink. Hilarious!
Check it out on VH1.com.
3 of 15 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on December 3, 2007 10:12 AM
OMG! This show is so freakin crazy, I mean, The Entertainer is so freakin crazy. He looks like he may have a split personality. He scares me :(
I think Tailor Made should get with a rich chic, Punk is way to good for her, so that makes either Looney or Actor (my names I made for them) one of the ones she deserves. I can't wait to see the next episode. FINALLY some calls them transvestites!! Took long enough!!!
4 of 15 | Posted by garciape | Posted on December 3, 2007 12:39 PM
This recap is my favorite because of the use of "quadraboob" which I now wish was my screenname. Dammit!
The fact that Buddha is still pissed about Chance is so funny to me, I mean, does he not realize she is also currently dating 4 other guys?? Oh but, Buddha, I do give you credit for figuring out how to get the most screen time - not to shabby!
It killed me that NY kept talking about how she needed a "wife" and Tailor Made was all about it - dude acting so desperate that you would do whatever this bitch wants (i.e. penis surgery or comb out NY's weaves every night while she's screwing other guys) is pathetic!
Oh well, I'm kinda entertained by this show, but 100x more by the recaps! Hilarious!
I hope Buddha wins, and pulls the exact same shit as Tango!! HAHA
5 of 15 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on December 3, 2007 1:49 PM
"Unsurprisingly, New York reacts like a pig in shit."
Best line ever.
6 of 15 | Posted by yummy | Posted on December 3, 2007 3:36 PM
I've never actually watched this show and I realize I never really cool. They'd have to be a disappointment after these recaps.
Awesome job.
7 of 15 | Posted by Fomhoire | Posted on December 3, 2007 7:53 PM
Hahah awesome recap.
Punk is just odd all around.
He really does have a disturbing body, and its more than the boobs. I think its really weird that his he doesn't have cut abs when his arms are so muscley. Its just strange.
Plus in the confessional he always looks like he's high. And he sounds like Mickey Mouse.
8 of 15 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on December 3, 2007 10:14 PM
I'm kind of confused I don't really remember if it was in this episode or tonight's that Buddha was sitting on a rock "looking at the scenery" and he won't talk to her when she goes looking for him and I loved that she was like o (bleep)kay and then she kinda tripped hahaha. Great recap BTW you always make me laugh :)
9 of 15 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on December 3, 2007 10:20 PM
shia0bundan, I always think the same think about Punk in the confessional...his eyes look a little red, has he been smoking the reefer? hee hee!
10 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 4, 2007 3:04 AM
I AM SOOO ADDICTED TO THIS SMUT T.V. AS MY MOTHER WOULD CALL IT. IM ADDICTED TO THESE RECAPS JUST AS MUCH. GREAT JOB. TO DEFEND PUNK ID BE HIGH IF I HAD TO LIVE IN THAT HOUSE TOO. BY THE WAY DO THE RUNNER UPS GET A LIFETIME OF NEWPORT 100'S THEY BLUR OUT ALL THE OTHER LABELS BUT THERE IS NO MISTAKING THAT CIGARETTE. THEY GO WITH WEED PERFECTLY MAKES YOUR HIGH LAST LONGER. AT LEAST THATS WHAT I HEARD.
11 of 15 | Posted by CHRISW78 | Posted on December 4, 2007 5:00 AM
My sister swears that Punk is on steroids. Whaddya think? The huge muscles don't fit w/his profession (lawyer) and his voice is high ...she sez that's a dead giveaway... but I don't wanna believe it!
12 of 15 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on December 4, 2007 8:26 AM
'Roid rage could explain the flipping of the table.
13 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 4, 2007 10:31 AM
Thanks so much for the great comments, you guys!! I'm a shitty replier but I am totally appreciative. I also think Punk could totally be on roids and now I'm going to watch his interviews more closely for it -- and possibly manip his head on Mickey Mouse's body.
14 of 15 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on December 6, 2007 10:19 PM
Cmon Bailey, I'm going through withdrawal here!!!!
15 of 15 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on December 10, 2007 10:07 AM