There are so many things I adore about VH1, namely the fact that I can watch super trashy celebreality shows just about anytime. The only thing better is how often they repeat I Love New York 2. Seriously, it's on like 55 times a day. Don't think I'm lame (you already know that in your heart), but any world in which I can watch this show all the livelong day is a world that's all right by me. Come along with me, take the I Love New York journey.
We open to Midget Mac in the weight room, explaining that he's going to start with something light. Really? It baffles me that this tiny little man isn't benching 300 pounds straight off the bat. He eventually gets so into it that he practically strips down, shirt off and underpants showing while he gets into his handsome workout routine. You know what's sexier than a regular hum-drum midget? A buff midget, with his rippling biceps on his bulging 4-foot frame.
New York's bodyguard greets the gentlemen and passes along a note from their lovely lady, which tells them to grab their swimsuits and a gift for her. That's not ballsy at all! Yours is excited about this, since he's the man and that's the thang men do, but Midget Mac is worried. He can't swim, so putting him in a lake is like tossing in a big flailing brick.
Unsure and Cheezy are rooming together, which is fitting since they're the geeky white dudes better suited for Beauty and the Geek. (For the record, this situation is not the same, since New York really isn't a beauty.) Unsure decides to present New York with a gift he originally bought for another girl, and I gotta say, that's a decision he should be unsure about. Yeah, no, I know that line was a little too much. Cheezy thinks the gift is a bad idea, but don't worry, Unsure didn't pay for the gift in the first place! Nothing's sweeter than a gift you stole for another chick, take my word for it.
The guys pile into a van and head to the lake to meet New York, who's planted on the opposite side of the water. Each guy has 15 minutes to get himself across the lake and present his gift. Except for the midget, this challenge seems kind of retardedly easy. That said, this challenge could potentially take like three hours, ugh. The three guys with the best gift and the best game get a date with their dream gal.
Yours is up first, so he wisely puts his gift on top of a pool float and sets off in motion. He's more worried about getting his hair wet than the gift, but he finally makes it to New York's little island, where she immediately demands the present. It's going to be like old dryer sheets from his laundry, so she's both rude and misguided. Sure enough, he pops the present out and it's a caricature he drew of her. He's fairly talented, yeah, but unfortunately he made her just a tad on the portly side.
A lil junk in the trunk, and the hood, and the wheels.
Yours is proud of the gift, so New York immediately chastises him since she's sexy and slender. She's barely the latter, certainly not the former, but it doesn't stop her from pitching the gift straight into the lake. She's just keeping it real, y'all! Also, she's a bitch. The next fellow is It, who climbs on top of a pool raft and tries his best to paddle on down the river. Sadly, he gets turned around, but he finally makes it out there with minimal success. His gift is a t-shirt he crafted, featuring golden handprints right over the spots where her enormous tatters would rest. He says it's just so she can always be thinking about him, but really, how can he deny that he was thinking about her breasts while making this? They're like swollen water balloons, you can't miss that shit. Regretfully, New York doesn't dig the shirt, even though he then acknowledges her milk storages. I wish that was my phrasing but It is far more creative than lowly little me.
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Comments (9)
Please keep recapping this show. You're hilarious.
I hated how Tailor Made waited til the last minute to call It out. If he knew, he should have said it right then and there or pulled New York aside. But, either way, It is weird and stupid and annoying. Why is he still there? But then again, New York does like really weird guys. Look at how much she liked Flav.
1 of 9 | Posted by hollabackboy | Posted on October 21, 2007 6:13 PM
I literally LOL'd to this recap, so I'm happy. This show is addictive. Tiny Tila Tequila or whatever her name is has nothing on New York. No matter what you say about her, she knows how to entertain!
One thing I don't agree with is your insinuation that New York is barely slender. Minus her new boobs, New York is actually a very slender woman. Remember, TV adds 10 lbs. and fake DDD's add 10 more. :)
2 of 9 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 22, 2007 12:12 AM
Great Recap!
IT is so damn weird and I love it! I don't know what his deal is, but I hope he sticks around.
Oh yeah.. "Pinto bean with eyes"... Seriously, I love New York.. where the hell did she come up with that!
3 of 9 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on October 22, 2007 12:54 AM
Great recap! I too love It - believe it or not, he's a very talented freestyle rapper. Also on VH1.com, it showed he really did have one of his friends order a dozen roses, whereas Tailor Made ordered 3 dozen PINK roses - which was why he said the poem at the end. I hope New York keeps him around so she can see his sexy side!
4 of 9 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on October 22, 2007 10:54 AM
This recap was hilarious, although I truly hate the word faggot.
I can't help it but I really like Tailor Made. Midget Mac is of course great, but I think we all know she's not going to pick him. Buddah needs to find some new tank tops because the ones that he wears look very feminine.
5 of 9 | Posted by dmbislove | Posted on October 23, 2007 1:29 PM
This was a seriously awesome recap. Please find something else to recap because you are awesome. I would also like to point out that while New York is by no means fat, she could go a long way to looking better if she didn't wear everything that was incredibly tight.
6 of 9 | Posted by Treadingonme | Posted on October 23, 2007 2:30 PM
She got her boobs enlarged but she forgot to get her tops enlarged
7 of 9 | Posted by Dawn | Posted on October 24, 2007 9:03 AM
I loved the recap and the "Make a Wish" screencap!
Everything that comes out of New York's mouth is pure hilarity. She'd score a 100 if Bill Simmons decides to update his Unintentional Comedy Scale (google it, the comments won't let me post a URL for some reason)
Tailor Made is god-awful.
Finally, did anyone get the impression that the roses were hijacked by some production assistant so that they could purposely be delivered while Tailor was out? Just the mannerisms and the way the girl that delivered them was acting...seemed set up. Not that I'm complaining.
8 of 9 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on October 24, 2007 9:19 AM
Thanks for the awesome comments, guys!! Over the summer I recapped Shaq's Big Challenge, so now it delights me that I'm doing a show that other people can stand to watch (sort of).
Sometimes it's hard to remember New York isn't fat when her cups floweth over so much, but y'all are right, she definitely isn't a porker. I feel sort of bad for her chest though! It's all squinched in, you know one day a nip is going to break free.
I'm really not sure who I'm rooting for yet, but I know it can't be The Entertainer since he put HER FEET in HIS MOUTH. I think I might be on Buddha's side -- and It, too, of course. I always have to give love to the escaped mental patient.
Also, dmbislove, I apologize for dropping the f-word! A roommate of mine always used it really freely and it made me giggle at how offensive she was, and then I just got used to it. In the future, I won't ass it up as much. With that word, at least. :)
9 of 9 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on October 24, 2007 11:55 PM