Testimonials

Tailor Made isn't sure he believes this story, but of course he scampers up to tell New York, because that trick isn't getting old at all. That would annoy the piss out of me, but New York is flattered he wants to look out for her. He shares that Pretty might be gay, and New York says she likes him so she hopes he's not. Then we cut away to a clip of Pretty coloring with a glitter marker during last week's challenge, and New York confirms that he totally could be gay. She's probably the type of girl to say someone's gay just because they don't love her, but she has a point: dude might be swingin' on another vine.

How could he not want this perfect package?

New York asks Tailor Made if he's only telling her these things because he can't stand seeing her with other people. That is indeed the situation, but he says he's just maintaining his position and caring about her, yadda yadda. They start making out and it sounds like a cow chewing cud. He actually drools all over her fucking face, leaving her to wipe up his spit, and she says that's perfect. New York's taste is so refined, seriously. Drool on her face and lick her toe lint, and that bitch is yours for life.

After she dries her face off, she leaves for her date with 20 Pack and Mr. Wise, two guys she's barely spoken to since they moved in. They drive to a spa and enter something called Club Mud, which doesn't sound sexy at all. A staff member says they'll enter a pool of red clay mud and completely cover themselves in it, and New York is all like, "Oh hell no!" You'd think she would've known about that, since she supposedly planned this date, but nah. She refuses because she can't risk damaging her weave or knock-off jewelry, so she and the guys sit down for a meal. The table is oddly positioned in the middle of a pool, so if things go our way, someone will drown by the end of lunch.

New York tells them she didn't think it was cool that Tailor Made said Pretty was gay. She liked it a few minutes ago, but now it's offensive, of course. 20 Pack says he's tired of Tailor Made's game, where he makes up things about the other guys just to make himself look better to New York. She asks if he means being nasty, vicious, and conniving, and then she bursts into laughter with her mouth full of food. She thinks that's a brilliant plan, naturally! Since that's essentially how she lives her life, of course she's going to think it's the cat's meow.

She asks Mr. Wise how he's enjoying being a Mama's Boy, and he reveals that the title was ripped away from him, which is so sad panda. He couldn't tattletale on the guys like Sister Patterson wanted him to do, and New York responds, "But this was something for me and my mom." Like that makes it better, you know? It's okay to be a rat as long as you're doing it for New York! Mr. Wise says he interpreted her request the wrong way, since he thought she wanted him to be "shiesty," in his own words. I don't know what that means, but let's face it, that's probably what she wanted him to do. New York asks if he's willing to go home in favor of sticking to his morals, and he sputters something about how "it is what it is." New York says that means, "Whatever, bitch," so she sends him packing and opts to spend some private time with 20 Pack. Yay, 20 Pack! Don't fuck up!

She asks if 20 Pack thinks they're growing into really good friends, and what's awesome is Mr. Wise is just standing a little ways behind them, drinking straight out of a liquor bottle. Oh, classy classy. 20 Pack says they're taking progressive baby steps, so she asks him to kiss her to speed things along. Mama wants to get laid, yo. Hilariously, he stops just shy of her lips and is like, "You sure?" No, she was just foolin'. What the fuck? Understandably, she's kind of offended, and he says a kiss is a big step for him. Maybe 20 Pack is actually the dude who's not into ladies. I mean, I know she's gross, but hell I'd kiss her if she asked me. She'd probably pay me for it.

You are so beautiful to meeeee.

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Posted in I Love New York by Bailey Quarters at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Last Comment: blahblah on Nov 20, 2007 05:17 PM.