Picking up where we left off, New York socializes with the guys downstairs, lamenting the fact that she's been hanging out with them every night and they're still complaining. Shockingly, It is the whiniest of the bunch. Who knew It could grate on someone's nerves? He's such a charmer! While he motorboats her tits, Tailor Made does the sad Charlie Brown Christmas walk around the house. Since his roommates evicted him in the last episode, dude is pretty much screwed when it comes to sleeping. He winds up crashing on a lounge chair in the backyard, which doesn't seem bad until the other guys come outside to find him. Oh Tailor Made, hard times are about to befall you, my friend.

As he snoozes, The Entertainer comes up behind him and screams that he loves New York, scaring the living shit out of Tailor Made. He reacts like a little girl, which is appropriate since his dressing gown makes him look like one.

Like any good woman, Tailor Made assumes the position.

Somehow he makes it through the night, and when morning comes, the butler delivers a note. New York says she's their goddess (yeah, okay) and demands they bring her their most valuable item. The guy who most impresses her will get to spend some extra time with her. Okay, I know the point of this show is to land New York, but shit - what kind of lady insists on taking the most important item a guy can offer? I'd love to see someone bring their grandmother's ashes and be like, "Here, bitch, what are you gonna do with these?" As soon as I wrote that sentence, Midget Mac was like, "Recently I had a major tragedy in my family," and holy shit, I would marry him right this second if he did what I'm hoping for. Fingers crossed!

The guys collect their things and meet New York in what she calls "The Great Hall," but that's really giving this house more credit than it deserves. I sort of suspect everyone shares the same bathroom. The room is decorated with a bunch of skulls and all kinds of pirate memorabilia, plus a creepy old woman. Midget Mac refers to all of this as "polterjiest," and yes, I know what he was trying to say but when you sound that silly on television, you deserve to be mocked.

New York tells the guys that she's dated men who weren't willing to make sacrifices for her. Obviously this means the contestants should have to sacrifice their most beloved object. Duh! One by one, they'll have to place their item on the table in front of her and explain its significance. She believes the man who's truly there for her will offer up his most sentimental item to truly please his goddess. Then the guys will have to sign a blood oath to profess their love for her. I know that sounds like something I would make up, but she actually said all of these things. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with her? She just spouts all this nonsense and then nods like it's a normal request. Girl has lost her damn mind.

The creepy old lady in the room is New York's spiritual advisor, Lori. She has a bunch of moles all across her face, and I swear, the first time they showed her on camera, I thought they were fake spiders just for decoration. Ultimately they're real and just as terrifying. Lori is there to channel the spirits and find out who's going to be true to New York. She tries to threaten the guys by saying they'd better be darn sure they're telling the truth when they sign the oath, because she and her pendulum will know if they're lying. Really? I'm sure that's totally true, and Lori isn't senile or suffering from Alzheimer's at all. Everyone completely buys it though, and The Entertainer wipes his brow worriedly. Better watch out for that pendulum, dude!

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Posted in I Love New York by Bailey Quarters at 7:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)
Last Comment: blahblah on Nov 20, 2007 05:46 PM.