Testimonials

He makes a pretty good point, saying that he's been there for a week so he's not ready to commit to her for his entire life. Even though he's an utter moron, he's using common sense for once. New York's boobs spew saline from all her rage, and she tells It that if he's afraid of the spirits in the room, just wait until she's on his ass. That would frighten anyone, really.

She calls Midget Mac up next, and I bet he'll make her feel better. He should perform a song and dance. In confessional, he says he's had a lot to get off his chest and knows this is the time to do it. He gives her pictures of his two daughters, which is sweet but also just fabulously disturbing. I can't get over the idea of a midget having a kid, and I know that makes me mean and all, but oh my God - he uses his midget penis. The reason he's giving the pictures is because their mother, his fiancée, passed away in March. That is seriously devastating, but it's also the kind of thing New York will use against him when she eliminates him. You know, she won't be eliminating him because he's small or anything. It's just because he's not quite over his former fiancée. Sure enough, she says that very thing right away. I recap the show as I watch it for the first time, so y'all, I've got the ESP in me.

After the Macster, Tailor Made gets to approach his gal. His offering is also a picture of his daughter, whom he credits for all his accomplishments. He goes on and on, and New York is all like, "That shit sounds like a fucking Hallmark card." Unfortunately, that's not a good thing. He reads his oath, which includes swearing he's not a snitch, and that makes dear old Lori shake her head. It's all because of the pendulum, natch - it has nothing to do with all the other contestants laughing and rolling their eyes. Oh Lori, ye art so wise! She tells him to think twice about signing the oath, and The Entertainer wonders if Tailor Made will be cursed. Yeah, I'm sure this crazy old woman has the power to do that. Then The Entertainer soils his pants when Tailor Made signs in blood. Lori warns the guys that the spirits in the house are very unhappy with the gentlemen who lied. She says the spirits want to cough up some of the oaths and get rid of them, but instead she's just going to walk out with New York. Clears all that up!

We cut away to the guys getting ready, and New York explains that the whole day was pretty deep. When things get heavy for her, she alleviates that by eating a lot, essentially making herself heavier to compensate. Yay! That logic is actually pretty adorable. Everyone sits down at a steakhouse, and she tells Punk that he touched her the most with his offering, so he wins the date. Tailor Made gets majorly pouty since the attention isn't on him, so that's his cue to stand up and make a toast in an attempt to repair his image. If nothing else, maybe it'll earn him the right to sleep on the couch inside the house. He toasts to New York gracing them with her presence, to new beginnings, and to having love for Tiffany. Mr. Wise calls it bullshit, which it is, but New York eats that shit right up and calls it lovely. Hoorah! Let us all clink our glasses.

New York announces she received something in the mail today, which is 100% true. Everyone had their mail redirected to this house, dontcha know. She asks Punk to do the honors of reading the letter, and it starts out with the author saying he feels cheated at the prospect of them not being together. Some basic context clues reveal the author to be Buddha, and he calls Tailor Made the physical manifestation and representation of everything he hates in this world. Fucking love it! It doesn't get any better than someone officially being like, "I despise you." In confessional, Tailor Made says he realizes the note is from someone who definitely hates him. The beginning of the letter talked about their big showdown in the house, so Tailor Made is sort of blissfully moronic if he can't put the pieces together. This man's a father, ladies and gents. He and his kid can share flash cards.

Future Step-Mother of the Year.

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Posted in I Love New York by Bailey Quarters at 7:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)
Last Comment: blahblah on Nov 20, 2007 05:46 PM.