Punk says he was able to come see her because he's very fortunate. He can take time off to pursue things he's deeply interested in, and all that sounds nice, but he doesn't specifically say he wants her poonani. Needless to say, she loses interest quickly. She says he's basically a boring guy with a great body, and to prove it, she asks what they'd do on a typical Saturday night together. His answer is renting movies and making popcorn, which is so freaking precious. New York falls asleep at the thought, smashes her head through the table, and the date comes to an end. Not really, but it would rock.
Punk realizes New York is hung up on finding a man who can handle her. Since she's clearly getting bored, he decides to pull out all the stops, starting with asking her to hold still and then giving her a slow kiss. Too bad she hadn't exhaled from her cigarette yet, so she's trying to kiss while holding in smoke. Just a guess, but I'm betting that kills the mood a little. Punk is not deterred though, and soon New York shares that she felt the kiss in other places too. Don't worry, that's not an overshare - at least not compared to what she says 30 seconds later, which is that he's a straight-laced guy but he'd make a hell of a lay, so she'll keep him around a little longer. What an elegant woman we have on our hands! Reigning queen of the debutante ball.
Back at the mansion, están en la fiesta! Everyone starts frolicking pretty quickly. Midget Mac gets drunk as a skunk, several dudes start playing with pool floaties, and in general things are going great. That is, until Sister Patterson shows up. If you missed the episode, you should be grateful because no one in the world needs to see Sister P's fat ass in a bathing suit. No sir.
She sits down to chat and asks everyone how they're getting along with her baby, Tailor Made. Shockingly, everyone kind of hates him. He admits his behavior was despicable for the first few days, and while she agrees, she also defends him right away. Obviously it's okay that he's antagonizing everyone - he's fighting for New York's heart! That makes it all better. Once that's all blown over, she wheels around and asks The Entertainer what he's doing there. He says he's there to win Tiffany's heart, and by the way, he's not a pervert. Apparently the moment where Sister Patterson called him a freak was one of the most uncomfortable in his life, but as I recall, he totally admitted to being one. Confusing! Then he starts saying, "When you called me a child molesting pervert--" and Sister Patterson starts shouting about how she never called him a child molester. He flails for words in response, but I sort of remember her doing that, to be honest. Of course I went to check it in my old recaps and got tired in 45 seconds. The world shall never know the truth!
Tailor Made delights in The Entertainer's mistakes. He's clearly just putting his foot in his mouth, so everyone else is free to sit back and watch with pleasure. After a good amount of berating, The Entertainer leaves to smoke a cigarette and Sister Patterson tells him not to come back. He mumbles some junk, who knows what, and it's irritating enough that Sister Patterson throws her drink all over him. I feel like she's the kind of lady who doesn't give up a drink very easily, so this is probably a huge step. Even if it isn't, just watching it made me want to sock her in the face.
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Comments (16)
This is the best recap I've read since...your last one.
1 of 16 | Posted by User Name | Posted on November 11, 2007 11:40 AM
User Name, I adore you!
2 of 16 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 11, 2007 3:37 PM
haha, "User Name"...I logged in, I don't know how that happened.
3 of 16 | Posted by yummy | Posted on November 11, 2007 7:33 PM
Is it wrong that I'm happy about Buddha being back? He's better looking than any of them. I knew it would happen. I had him pegged to win in the first place.
Again, your recaps are better than the actual show. I don't even watch anymore.
4 of 16 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on November 11, 2007 7:48 PM
Nooooooooo!!!! Whyyyy whyyyyy whyyyyyyyy!!!
In memory...
"I called my man and I said yo son son son son son and he said aight son son son son son. Then I said aight. Then they said boom boom boom boom boom. I said boom boom boom boom. Then I said do you want a lemon? She said nah." --It
5 of 16 | Posted by Shia0bundan | Posted on November 11, 2007 10:01 PM
"New York is a true cunt if she keeps this stuff."
Best line ever. Losers over at the KID NATION recap got all bent out of shape because I called Taylor a mini-c*nt. Guess what? She is.
6 of 16 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on November 11, 2007 10:37 PM
Your recaps are so much better than the actual show!
All of my housemates are now convinced I'm insane as I just read all your recaps of this show and spent the last 2 hours laughing really loudly.
"It doesn't alarm him that the full-sized men are frightened. His Midgetzu will get him through!"
Considering who these full-sized men are...
7 of 16 | Posted by Fomhoire | Posted on November 11, 2007 11:00 PM
Your recaps are so much better than the actual show!
All of my housemates are now convinced I'm insane as I just read all your recaps of this show and spent the last 2 hours laughing really loudly.
"It doesn't alarm him that the full-sized men are frightened. His Midgetzu will get him through!"
Considering who these full-sized men are...
8 of 16 | Posted by Fomhoire | Posted on November 11, 2007 11:03 PM
And Reese is right- Taylor is a fucking snot. I know it's wrong to want to punch a kid, but I mean...I just KNOW who she is going to be later in life. So I can wait to punch. If I must.
9 of 16 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on November 11, 2007 11:59 PM
Is it wrong that I'm routing for Tailor Made? Probably. I don't care.
I feel dirty.
10 of 16 | Posted by Pegster | Posted on November 12, 2007 5:28 AM
Oh my, It is gone. I may just have to stop watching the show.
Ummmm, nah.
Love the recap, BaileyQuarters!
11 of 16 | Posted by lexxi1129 | Posted on November 12, 2007 9:36 AM
i am sad! no one is going to love It the way he truly loves...himself...
my favorite It moment:
It presents the roses to New York as Tailor-Made looks on in despair. poor Tailor-Made - what a douche.
12 of 16 | Posted by escape(ism)artist | Posted on November 13, 2007 4:47 PM
Great recap! I immediately flashbacked to the same show with the enormous crazy lady screaming about gargoyles, demons and what-not. "All of you, get out of my house! If you love Jesus, you can stay." That's hilarious, even smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt.
I won't lie though, as funny as it was, I did get a little spooked watching it after my boyfriend had gone to bed. I fell asleep singing, "God is bigger than the boogie man" from Veggie Tales.
Goodbye, It. Your nonsensical rants will live forever in reality t.v., as well as my heart. I would love a lemon.
13 of 16 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on November 14, 2007 11:28 AM
Being so late replying to these, I don't know if any of you will see it, but these comments are the best things ever and I want to marry you all.
14 of 16 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:17 AM
Bailey, I have failed you. It's taken me awhile to read this recap, so you've probably moved on to bigger and better and newer recaps, but I'll press on anyway.
(I accidentally erased my comment, so here it goes again.)
Aw, thanks for the shout-out. :)
I thought of you as soon as I heard New York say "tooken". ("I KNOW Bailey heard that!")
It's terrifying me more than a little bit that we're having the same reactions to the goings-on in "New York's mansion":
Buddha's hilarious, yet long-winded "I hate you" letter to Tailor-Made (can we all co-sign on that letter?).
My favoritest (what? that's totally a word!) quotes from the recap:
"New York's boobs spew saline from all her rage..."
"Hell yes, midgets are hilarious." (Midget Mac should be the King of All Midgets!)
"Today's his date, so it's time to pump some iron and prepare, rah!" (Thank you! So I'm not the only one who thinks Punk looks like an over-inflated Michellin Man.)
To be continued...
15 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 20, 2007 5:42 PM
And HAHAHAHA to all of the comments!
R.I.P. IT
16 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 20, 2007 5:46 PM