Although my recap has definitely been this late before, this week it disappeared halfway through and I had a whole lot of rewriting to do. Sorry for the delay, but I can assure you this week's I Love New York 2 is worth the wait! Although considering what show we're talking about, well...maybe you shouldn't hold me too accountable.
Now that Midget Mac is gone, I mostly expected the show to just stop. Obviously it can't compare to previous weeks, but somehow there's another episode for us! We start off with a look back at last week, where New York invites Buddha back to the competition. He walks in with a bouquet of flowers, and Tailor Made is in shock. Even though he can be a douchenozzle, he's got a point. Buddha slapped in the face and made him cry like a baby, but New York wants him back around? That seems like a pretty terrible idea. Still, I can't dislike Buddha. In confessional he says, "When I first walked out and I saw Tailor Made, I think he pissed in his clothes," and the phrasing of that made me do the very same thing. Oh Buddha, I love you. New York slurs that she wanted to bring him back because she's definitely interested in him, and then she says some more things that alcoholics say when they've had a few. You know the drill.
She tells the guys that before Buddha can come back to the house, she needs them to do something. If they all have to apologize to him individually, I will die. Unfortunately they don't, but it's something similarly ridiculous. They all must sign a contract saying they're ready for Buddha to rejoin them, and if they have love for New York, then of course they'll do it. If they don't have love for her, then they're just losers! Wonderfully succinct. On cue, Tailor Made tinkles. She asks Wolf to sign first, and he does so happily since he's friends with Buddha. As long as his ass isn't getting kicked, Wolf doesn't care what goes down!
The Entertainer agrees to sign, followed by Punk, Pretty and Mr. Wise. Of course it all comes down to Tailor Made. New York calls his name like 16 times before he finally agrees to sign it. She says she knows Tailor Made is afraid he'll get "yolked up again," but that's none of her concern. After all, she didn't start the fight! That's a sympathetic gal right there. After signing, Tailor Made says the last thing he'll do is give Buddha the satisfaction of looking him in the eye, which means Tailor Made is a puss-puss.
New York welcomes Buddha back to the house with an open vagina, happily giving him a chain. This will come as a surprise, but Sister Patterson is displeased. I was shocked since she's normally such a happy-go-lucky kinda gal. She knows Buddha is physically beautiful, but he has a dark side she hopes he can control. You know what I hope she can control? Her goddamn bra.
Put the mouse back in the house.
The butler brings in glasses of champagne, and Buddha gets to lead the toast since he's the special guest. He toasts to love, respect, honor, and New York. Everyone drinks to his fine words, but as soon as that's over with, Tailor Made hightails it outta there. The Entertainer gleefully says Tailor Made is scared shitless, and then he welcomes Buddha back again. It's a wonder he doesn't add on, "And by the way, can you make Tailor Made cry again? We like that!" I mean, everyone's pretty much thinking it.
The next day, Buddha works out in the gym, which oddly looks like a prison. I've never noticed that before, but maybe the spirits rearranged things in the last episode. On the other side of the room, Tailor Made exercises with some dainty 25-pound weights. I know that's probably impressive or something, but since Buddha's pumping the 40-pounders, I'm finding it hard to care. Tailor Made says he needs to show New York there's no other person in the world that can make her as happy as he can, and then he blows his nose enormously. That's not the kind of gold she's digging for, bro.
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Comments (19)
From the recap: I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" *****
Don't the timezones work the other way around? :P
Great recap.. much better than the boringass ep. this week. I can't say that I like Buddha AT ALL though. I want to whipe the smug off his face.
1 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:26 PM
I loved this episode! NY really outdid herself, from puking in a bucket rather than just swallowing one bite (are you really telling me NY can swallow Flava Flav yet pukes after tasting a salmon salad??), to straight up oogling over future sex with Buddha, to the "glad I wore panties" line, and finally to her enormously large tatters (although tatters might not work since her boobs seem incapable of movement - miss you Flasher :)
But this recap was equally awesome (I promise this is a compliment) as every single line from the show that made me laugh out loud you mentioned, especially the "appalled - that don't mean something good - do it?" that I just flat-out lost my shit over that!
(also loved tailormade for worrying how he would encorporate ranch dressing in his SALAD dish - you dumb motherFer!)
Oh! One more thing - this is what makes my shitty ass day at work bearable: "God only knows what wonders are hidden underneath her clothes, but there's like a 65% chance there's not a penis."
THANK YOU!
2 of 19 | Posted by Carmelicious | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:55 PM
Haha wow, shia, I am dumb as rocks! Pretend that whole time zone paragraph isn't in there. Clearly I should never make fun of It or Wolf when I can't even tell time. Thank you for liking the recap despite that!
Carmelicious, so glad you enjoyed it!! I'm also completely delighted that you used the word tatters. Your comment made my day!
3 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 19, 2007 2:54 PM
Enjoyed your recap even more than the show!
The next episode - with the ex's - looks like a good one!
4 of 19 | Posted by Fire@will | Posted on November 19, 2007 5:12 PM
Loved the recap! Also, in the previews did it look like Pretty yelled at NY to go buy a weave or something like that or was it just me?
5 of 19 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on November 19, 2007 9:21 PM
just an FYI: La Perla has AMAZING lingerie, which is obviously expensive. I spend much time perusing, but never buying, in the Michigan Ave store
6 of 19 | Posted by lalia | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:47 PM
So, do you suppose expensive lingerie looks cheap on TV... or just cheap on New York?
7 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 20, 2007 10:48 AM
Oh, one more thing -
I cannot believe New York is 25!! She looks like she is pushing 40!
8 of 19 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 20, 2007 11:11 AM
I gotta say it looks cheap on New York! I think it's the enormous tattooed boobs, and I know I mention them a lot but seriously, they're about to shoot through the screen at us. I'm glad to hear Tailor Made didn't get ripped off though! If he had, you know New York would've found out and ripped him a new one. On second thought, maybe that would've been better.
9 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:45 PM
"I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" "
Great recaps! Only one problem for ya....if it was early in LA, won't it be later in NY? So his mom would already be up, right? :)
10 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:49 PM
erm...and how I missed that shia0bundan already said that....sorry! :)
11 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:52 PM
BaileyQuarters, anything would look cheap on our girl New York, dontcha think? I love her, but wow, what a hot mess. And you're totally right -- she is working the worst case of boob bulge I've ever seen. Love the recap, as always. I'm going to miss Wolf. "He sniffs a ball of mozzarella cheese and asks if it's meat." You don't find that kind of man every day.
And Lalia -- I live right by that store and walk by it at least once/day. I love how so many suburbanites and tourists stop and gawk at the whorish mannequins in the window, all scandalized. Cracks my shit up.
12 of 19 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:59 PM
Yay, you're back!!
Oh, where do I begin??
Here: "In his interview, Wolf says if he goes home tonight, he'll be appalled. Then he adds onto that by saying, "Is that a bad word? Like, it don't mean something good, do it?" God, please do a double eviction."
This literally made me LOL. Why is it taking New York so long to narrow down 25 suitors when the Bachelor got through his 25 women in less than 2 months? Oh, vh1.
Fun fact:
Remember when we found out Mr. Boston was "dating" Pumkin? Yeah..that should get him a forever ban from any of New York's shows. I'm smelling fakery.
"And..I'mgonapoovit"
It's official: I Love New York has the best reality TV editors ever! Bailey, you're screencap is priceless.
New York is suffering from a serious case of UniBoob and it deserves to be mentioned in EVERY RECAP...IN EVERY PARAGRAPH.
Sister Patterson is getting increasingly bitter. Didn't she get some goodness from one of New York's castoffs awhile back? That should've put a smile on ol' girl's face for at least ONE episode.
What's the over/under on how long it will take for New York and Buddha to get better acquainted, if you know what I mean (chicka chicka bow wow)?
13 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 20, 2007 6:20 PM
Alright, so I'm not too up to date on my New York bio so I have a couple questions maybe some of you can answer?
* What exactly does that tit tattoo say?
* Is Sister Patterson still married?
BTW, this show is too easy to recap; it just makes fun of itself. Wait...or does that mean it would make it harder?
14 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 20, 2007 7:11 PM
I think the tit tatto says Princess. I might be wrong.
And Sis. Patterson and NY's dad were never married. Odd for such a "Christian" woman.
15 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 21, 2007 12:04 AM
After she got the boob job she shoulda bought NEW tops that fit the new boobs in 'em.
16 of 19 | Posted by Dawn | Posted on November 22, 2007 9:23 AM
Amen, Dawn. It's more than a little disturbing to see New York's booblastics smushed into those tiny tops. I like how she wears bras with demure clear straps, yet the actual bra is always showing. Classy.
17 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 22, 2007 6:34 PM
I was just watching a rerun and I was reminded of how many times I've seen those clear bra straps. IMO they are far skankier than the actual colored bra straps. Those things aren't fooling anybody. Besides, I thought that breast implants make it so your breasts sit like apples (basketballs in this case) on your chest, why would she even need to wear a bra? And a push up bra no less.
18 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 23, 2007 2:14 PM
OK, I know that men like big tatters but I am thinking the other Rock of Love term "clown tits" applies here. What drives me nuts is when one boob fits into the outfit just fine but the other boob looks like it's practically being cut in half by the top seam of whatever corset-type thingy she is wearing. I mean, good lord, doesn't that hurt? Well, maybe not since vital nerves are often cut during the augmentation.
19 of 19 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on November 25, 2007 9:08 AM