At breakfast, a note arrives from Miss New York. Buddha reads aloud and the note starts with, "Y'all know your girl New York loves to eat." I didn't know that so much, I just knew she loved meat in her mouth. Their challenge today is to prepare a meal for her, so they have to meet the butler with a grocery list in 30 minutes. Immediately The Entertainer takes off running across the house, heading for the phone to ask his mom for a recipe. I kind of love this. I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" While he's talking, the other guys discuss marinating meat in wine to make it turn to mush, which sounds super duper appealing. Then The Entertainer's mom tells him to add two jiggers of vodka to his recipe, and automatically you know he's going to win. Alcohol saves the day!
Tailor Made says his idea of cooking is picking up the phone and ordering takeout, so he decides to make a salad. Yes, I'm sure that will impress her! Wolf's idea is chicken fajitas, something that popped into his head when a little light bulb came on.
Hats off to Wolf!
After turning in their recipes, the guys go to an industrial kitchen to meet New York. She promptly introduces Master Chef Mr. Boston, who you may remember from last season as the guy who ate things from his nose. Seriously, what the fuck is he doing here? I always thought he was retarded, so it's weird that he's back and being taken seriously. She says he's here to teach the boys how to please her mouth, which I'm sure is terribly hard to do. He reveals the secret ingredient for the day, and it's ranch dressing, New York's favorite food. Ranch dressing is sent from the gods, believe me, but Mr. Boston has it flowing from one of those chocolate fountains. That is not delicious. He says each contestant must use one cup of ranch in his recipe, and Tailor Made gulps dramatically. Woe is he, it's so hard to include ranch dressing in...a salad.
Mr. Boston says New York and Sister Patterson will pick two winners to go on solo dates with New York. Tailor Made is determined to win since he needs more alone time with her now that Buddha's back. That seems a little silly, since we know he'll wind up cornering her about something in her bedroom as always, but more power to him! The guys have 30 minutes to make their meal, so everyone gets to work, with Boston encouraging them to use lots of ranch.
Immediately, Mr. Wise says he knows what he's going to cook: hot dogs and French fries with ketchup, mustard, and a side of ranch dressing. Okay, I'm simple as hell but even I am like: ew. I'm glad he's not slathering the dogs in salad dressing, but there's a time and a place for hot dogs. The Entertainer is not as industrious, so he asks Boston for help with his pasta. Boston gives some great advice, which is to throw the ranch dressing over the penne. This seriously makes me want to die, but an adorable caption comes up as Boston speaks to Wolf, and that makes everything better.
The more you know!
Tailor Made grills up some salmon for his salad, and Boston recommends more ranch on everything. "If it's undercooked, you put some ranch in. She got no fucking clue," he says. This guy is retarded! He is literally mentally challenged! How come no one is mentioning this to him? Luckily Buddha is not a moron and realizes he shouldn't douse all his food in ranch, no matter how many times the dude with extra chromosomes tells him he should.
Finally all the dishes are complete, and New York and her breasts flounce in for a taste test. She's all like, "These guys have spent all day cooking for me!" but uh, she already established they had a half-hour to prepare their meal. Editing, you always make me giggle. New York says her mom will pick her favorite dish, and that chef will win a date with New York tonight. Whomever's dish drives New York wild will win a date with her tomorrow. On with the eating!
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Comments (19)
From the recap: I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" *****
Don't the timezones work the other way around? :P
Great recap.. much better than the boringass ep. this week. I can't say that I like Buddha AT ALL though. I want to whipe the smug off his face.
1 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:26 PM
I loved this episode! NY really outdid herself, from puking in a bucket rather than just swallowing one bite (are you really telling me NY can swallow Flava Flav yet pukes after tasting a salmon salad??), to straight up oogling over future sex with Buddha, to the "glad I wore panties" line, and finally to her enormously large tatters (although tatters might not work since her boobs seem incapable of movement - miss you Flasher :)
But this recap was equally awesome (I promise this is a compliment) as every single line from the show that made me laugh out loud you mentioned, especially the "appalled - that don't mean something good - do it?" that I just flat-out lost my shit over that!
(also loved tailormade for worrying how he would encorporate ranch dressing in his SALAD dish - you dumb motherFer!)
Oh! One more thing - this is what makes my shitty ass day at work bearable: "God only knows what wonders are hidden underneath her clothes, but there's like a 65% chance there's not a penis."
THANK YOU!
2 of 19 | Posted by Carmelicious | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:55 PM
Haha wow, shia, I am dumb as rocks! Pretend that whole time zone paragraph isn't in there. Clearly I should never make fun of It or Wolf when I can't even tell time. Thank you for liking the recap despite that!
Carmelicious, so glad you enjoyed it!! I'm also completely delighted that you used the word tatters. Your comment made my day!
3 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 19, 2007 2:54 PM
Enjoyed your recap even more than the show!
The next episode - with the ex's - looks like a good one!
4 of 19 | Posted by Fire@will | Posted on November 19, 2007 5:12 PM
Loved the recap! Also, in the previews did it look like Pretty yelled at NY to go buy a weave or something like that or was it just me?
5 of 19 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on November 19, 2007 9:21 PM
just an FYI: La Perla has AMAZING lingerie, which is obviously expensive. I spend much time perusing, but never buying, in the Michigan Ave store
6 of 19 | Posted by lalia | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:47 PM
So, do you suppose expensive lingerie looks cheap on TV... or just cheap on New York?
7 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 20, 2007 10:48 AM
Oh, one more thing -
I cannot believe New York is 25!! She looks like she is pushing 40!
8 of 19 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 20, 2007 11:11 AM
I gotta say it looks cheap on New York! I think it's the enormous tattooed boobs, and I know I mention them a lot but seriously, they're about to shoot through the screen at us. I'm glad to hear Tailor Made didn't get ripped off though! If he had, you know New York would've found out and ripped him a new one. On second thought, maybe that would've been better.
9 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:45 PM
"I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" "
Great recaps! Only one problem for ya....if it was early in LA, won't it be later in NY? So his mom would already be up, right? :)
10 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:49 PM
erm...and how I missed that shia0bundan already said that....sorry! :)
11 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:52 PM
BaileyQuarters, anything would look cheap on our girl New York, dontcha think? I love her, but wow, what a hot mess. And you're totally right -- she is working the worst case of boob bulge I've ever seen. Love the recap, as always. I'm going to miss Wolf. "He sniffs a ball of mozzarella cheese and asks if it's meat." You don't find that kind of man every day.
And Lalia -- I live right by that store and walk by it at least once/day. I love how so many suburbanites and tourists stop and gawk at the whorish mannequins in the window, all scandalized. Cracks my shit up.
12 of 19 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:59 PM
Yay, you're back!!
Oh, where do I begin??
Here: "In his interview, Wolf says if he goes home tonight, he'll be appalled. Then he adds onto that by saying, "Is that a bad word? Like, it don't mean something good, do it?" God, please do a double eviction."
This literally made me LOL. Why is it taking New York so long to narrow down 25 suitors when the Bachelor got through his 25 women in less than 2 months? Oh, vh1.
Fun fact:
Remember when we found out Mr. Boston was "dating" Pumkin? Yeah..that should get him a forever ban from any of New York's shows. I'm smelling fakery.
"And..I'mgonapoovit"
It's official: I Love New York has the best reality TV editors ever! Bailey, you're screencap is priceless.
New York is suffering from a serious case of UniBoob and it deserves to be mentioned in EVERY RECAP...IN EVERY PARAGRAPH.
Sister Patterson is getting increasingly bitter. Didn't she get some goodness from one of New York's castoffs awhile back? That should've put a smile on ol' girl's face for at least ONE episode.
What's the over/under on how long it will take for New York and Buddha to get better acquainted, if you know what I mean (chicka chicka bow wow)?
13 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 20, 2007 6:20 PM
Alright, so I'm not too up to date on my New York bio so I have a couple questions maybe some of you can answer?
* What exactly does that tit tattoo say?
* Is Sister Patterson still married?
BTW, this show is too easy to recap; it just makes fun of itself. Wait...or does that mean it would make it harder?
14 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 20, 2007 7:11 PM
I think the tit tatto says Princess. I might be wrong.
And Sis. Patterson and NY's dad were never married. Odd for such a "Christian" woman.
15 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 21, 2007 12:04 AM
After she got the boob job she shoulda bought NEW tops that fit the new boobs in 'em.
16 of 19 | Posted by Dawn | Posted on November 22, 2007 9:23 AM
Amen, Dawn. It's more than a little disturbing to see New York's booblastics smushed into those tiny tops. I like how she wears bras with demure clear straps, yet the actual bra is always showing. Classy.
17 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 22, 2007 6:34 PM
I was just watching a rerun and I was reminded of how many times I've seen those clear bra straps. IMO they are far skankier than the actual colored bra straps. Those things aren't fooling anybody. Besides, I thought that breast implants make it so your breasts sit like apples (basketballs in this case) on your chest, why would she even need to wear a bra? And a push up bra no less.
18 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 23, 2007 2:14 PM
OK, I know that men like big tatters but I am thinking the other Rock of Love term "clown tits" applies here. What drives me nuts is when one boob fits into the outfit just fine but the other boob looks like it's practically being cut in half by the top seam of whatever corset-type thingy she is wearing. I mean, good lord, doesn't that hurt? Well, maybe not since vital nerves are often cut during the augmentation.
19 of 19 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on November 25, 2007 9:08 AM