Then the footage cuts away to Tailor Made whining his way through the house, and the timing of that is delicious. I hope Tailor Made can vouch that Buddha has a big old cock. While he paces at the foot of the stairs, New York confides in Buddha that she has trust issues. He's actually so precious in response. He says it's incredibly big of her to recognize that, and then they start to have a deep conversation about trust and love. It feels sort of wrong to write about it. Sure, it's probably crap, but it seems real! She tells him he feels like the real thing, so that's their cue to start feelin' on each other. After a long period of Frenching, she says he tastes like Valentine's Day chocolates, the kind in the red heart. I love this more than anything. She's not like, "You taste like Godiva" or something; instead she's like, "You taste like a box of candy I can get for $3.99 at the nearest Food Lion."
After the date, which sadly doesn't end with a good romp in the sack, New York goes downstairs to check on the other guys. She enjoys her usual ritual of flirting, and when she's all finished, Tailor Made trails her up to her room. Surprise! She tells him she thought he was ready to leave the competition, and just as he starts to explain why she should pick him, Punk walks over to join the fun. New York's reaction to this is ridiculous. I like Punk, sure, but New York screams and leaps into his arms.
Awkward silence.
Tailor Made boo-hoos and then gets on the phone. He says he needs to re-establish his close connection with New York, and man, he's starting to seem more and more like a serial killer. He orders some sort of gift over the phone, which comes to $855.36. She'll be flattered he wanted to drop so much cash on her, but I bet this will be an expensive ceramic cow or something. He should've just handed her the money for her, ahem, services.
The next day, it's time for Wolf and New York to go on their date. We haven't seen too terribly much of Wolf, but now we get to find out he speaks like he has a mouthful of marbles, so that's good to know. He and Buddha have a conversation that I honestly can't understand even with subtitles, but it ends with Buddha saying Wolf should've been nicknamed Flatulence since he farts so often. I would seriously pay so much money to see Wolf fart during his date with New York, I swear to God. Please keep your fingers crossed with me. Let's work on this together.
New York has a special surprise for Wolf. He'll be going with her to a place that's really important to her career, and she just wants him to be a part of this for her. In reality, she probably made the date and then realized she already had plans that day. Oh well, they can all threeway! She reveals the date will be to her appearance on Nip/Tuck. I wonder why they cast her on that show. It's not like she's had any visible plastic surgery.... New York says she's sure Wolf won't embarrass her at all on set because he's great to look at. Certainly that's all that matters.
In their limo, New York says this is the perfect date for the two of them. They're just getting to know each other, so it's great that this date will last all day and into the night. She's busy laughing about it, and it's awesome because Wolf's big grin fades into this really uncomfortable smile. It's like all of a sudden he realizes, "Oh crap! I have to spend the entire day with her!"
He's made a huge mistake.
They arrive at the set and New York meets the executive producer of Nip/Tuck, Ryan Murphy. He says they're doing a reality TV episode, so he wanted to have the biggest reality TV star for it. Since Johnny Fairplay was unavailable, they settled for New York. No, just kidding! He wanted her all along, which is great because at least they're not legitimately considering her an actress. She's just playing herself. Proving that, when presented with a bottle of Dom Perignon to drink between takes, she squeals and pronounces it as spelled. Dom Per-ig-non! Yay!
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Comments (19)
From the recap: I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" *****
Don't the timezones work the other way around? :P
Great recap.. much better than the boringass ep. this week. I can't say that I like Buddha AT ALL though. I want to whipe the smug off his face.
1 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:26 PM
I loved this episode! NY really outdid herself, from puking in a bucket rather than just swallowing one bite (are you really telling me NY can swallow Flava Flav yet pukes after tasting a salmon salad??), to straight up oogling over future sex with Buddha, to the "glad I wore panties" line, and finally to her enormously large tatters (although tatters might not work since her boobs seem incapable of movement - miss you Flasher :)
But this recap was equally awesome (I promise this is a compliment) as every single line from the show that made me laugh out loud you mentioned, especially the "appalled - that don't mean something good - do it?" that I just flat-out lost my shit over that!
(also loved tailormade for worrying how he would encorporate ranch dressing in his SALAD dish - you dumb motherFer!)
Oh! One more thing - this is what makes my shitty ass day at work bearable: "God only knows what wonders are hidden underneath her clothes, but there's like a 65% chance there's not a penis."
THANK YOU!
2 of 19 | Posted by Carmelicious | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:55 PM
Haha wow, shia, I am dumb as rocks! Pretend that whole time zone paragraph isn't in there. Clearly I should never make fun of It or Wolf when I can't even tell time. Thank you for liking the recap despite that!
Carmelicious, so glad you enjoyed it!! I'm also completely delighted that you used the word tatters. Your comment made my day!
3 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 19, 2007 2:54 PM
Enjoyed your recap even more than the show!
The next episode - with the ex's - looks like a good one!
4 of 19 | Posted by Fire@will | Posted on November 19, 2007 5:12 PM
Loved the recap! Also, in the previews did it look like Pretty yelled at NY to go buy a weave or something like that or was it just me?
5 of 19 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on November 19, 2007 9:21 PM
just an FYI: La Perla has AMAZING lingerie, which is obviously expensive. I spend much time perusing, but never buying, in the Michigan Ave store
6 of 19 | Posted by lalia | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:47 PM
So, do you suppose expensive lingerie looks cheap on TV... or just cheap on New York?
7 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 20, 2007 10:48 AM
Oh, one more thing -
I cannot believe New York is 25!! She looks like she is pushing 40!
8 of 19 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 20, 2007 11:11 AM
I gotta say it looks cheap on New York! I think it's the enormous tattooed boobs, and I know I mention them a lot but seriously, they're about to shoot through the screen at us. I'm glad to hear Tailor Made didn't get ripped off though! If he had, you know New York would've found out and ripped him a new one. On second thought, maybe that would've been better.
9 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:45 PM
"I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" "
Great recaps! Only one problem for ya....if it was early in LA, won't it be later in NY? So his mom would already be up, right? :)
10 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:49 PM
erm...and how I missed that shia0bundan already said that....sorry! :)
11 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:52 PM
BaileyQuarters, anything would look cheap on our girl New York, dontcha think? I love her, but wow, what a hot mess. And you're totally right -- she is working the worst case of boob bulge I've ever seen. Love the recap, as always. I'm going to miss Wolf. "He sniffs a ball of mozzarella cheese and asks if it's meat." You don't find that kind of man every day.
And Lalia -- I live right by that store and walk by it at least once/day. I love how so many suburbanites and tourists stop and gawk at the whorish mannequins in the window, all scandalized. Cracks my shit up.
12 of 19 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:59 PM
Yay, you're back!!
Oh, where do I begin??
Here: "In his interview, Wolf says if he goes home tonight, he'll be appalled. Then he adds onto that by saying, "Is that a bad word? Like, it don't mean something good, do it?" God, please do a double eviction."
This literally made me LOL. Why is it taking New York so long to narrow down 25 suitors when the Bachelor got through his 25 women in less than 2 months? Oh, vh1.
Fun fact:
Remember when we found out Mr. Boston was "dating" Pumkin? Yeah..that should get him a forever ban from any of New York's shows. I'm smelling fakery.
"And..I'mgonapoovit"
It's official: I Love New York has the best reality TV editors ever! Bailey, you're screencap is priceless.
New York is suffering from a serious case of UniBoob and it deserves to be mentioned in EVERY RECAP...IN EVERY PARAGRAPH.
Sister Patterson is getting increasingly bitter. Didn't she get some goodness from one of New York's castoffs awhile back? That should've put a smile on ol' girl's face for at least ONE episode.
What's the over/under on how long it will take for New York and Buddha to get better acquainted, if you know what I mean (chicka chicka bow wow)?
13 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 20, 2007 6:20 PM
Alright, so I'm not too up to date on my New York bio so I have a couple questions maybe some of you can answer?
* What exactly does that tit tattoo say?
* Is Sister Patterson still married?
BTW, this show is too easy to recap; it just makes fun of itself. Wait...or does that mean it would make it harder?
14 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 20, 2007 7:11 PM
I think the tit tatto says Princess. I might be wrong.
And Sis. Patterson and NY's dad were never married. Odd for such a "Christian" woman.
15 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 21, 2007 12:04 AM
After she got the boob job she shoulda bought NEW tops that fit the new boobs in 'em.
16 of 19 | Posted by Dawn | Posted on November 22, 2007 9:23 AM
Amen, Dawn. It's more than a little disturbing to see New York's booblastics smushed into those tiny tops. I like how she wears bras with demure clear straps, yet the actual bra is always showing. Classy.
17 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 22, 2007 6:34 PM
I was just watching a rerun and I was reminded of how many times I've seen those clear bra straps. IMO they are far skankier than the actual colored bra straps. Those things aren't fooling anybody. Besides, I thought that breast implants make it so your breasts sit like apples (basketballs in this case) on your chest, why would she even need to wear a bra? And a push up bra no less.
18 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 23, 2007 2:14 PM
OK, I know that men like big tatters but I am thinking the other Rock of Love term "clown tits" applies here. What drives me nuts is when one boob fits into the outfit just fine but the other boob looks like it's practically being cut in half by the top seam of whatever corset-type thingy she is wearing. I mean, good lord, doesn't that hurt? Well, maybe not since vital nerves are often cut during the augmentation.
19 of 19 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on November 25, 2007 9:08 AM