Ryan tells New York he's a huge fan of her show, so he wrote this episode specifically to have her appear. Good times! I don't have the stomach for Nip/Tuck's gorey gore, but the show's fans probably have the same reaction to New York, so I feel like we're all living equally here. The producer kind of queens out and starts asking Wolf for gossip about the show, and Wolf's answers to the questions are like, "Huh?" He is hung but dumb. The producer says New York should just marry him instead, but bro, you are gay. God only knows what wonders are hidden underneath her clothes, but there's like a 65% chance there's not a penis.
New York and Wolf make their way to her trailer to have lunch, and he is so freaking stupid. I feel like I say this about someone every week, but oh my God, they're morons. He sniffs a ball of mozzarella cheese and asks if it's meat. Watching them dine together is like watching New York babysit a little boy. He refuses to try his tuna because he won't like it, but when he finally gives in and takes a taste, he complains it's not tuna out of a can. Dude, you're like 30. Please stop with your stupidity. Even though he's a bumpkin, New York thinks he looks great on her arm and that's enough reason to keep him around for now. So glad she's not shallow!
The two of them sit down to run lines together, and it's a testament to her memorization skills that she can recite anything back to him. She certainly can't understand any cues from him because y'all, the boy can't speak. He mumbles that he wanted to kiss her, but he's so good at it that she'd forget all her lines. Mmhmm, I'm so sure. Instead of working more on the script or even getting laid, the two of them then fall asleep, all while candles burn on their lunch table. Delightful! Judging by the editing, they sleep for like two hours, and then all of a sudden it happens: Wolf fucking farts while her head is resting right next to his hip. Oh, Wolf, you gassy man. You are going home. The stink wakes New York and causes her to walk away from him, and Wolf is all like, "Yeah, that was me. Jealous?" Totally, dude, totally.
Then it's time to shoot her scene. Everyone applauds for her as she walks onto the set, and she seems pretty genuinely happy to have a chance to act, although I don't know if this really counts as an official acting job. I'm sure Nip/Tuck is great, but is it really acting if you're playing yourself? Her scenes are with the truly hideous Leslie Grossman and the very sexy Julian McMahon. I think they're scenes, anyway. She starts dropping the f-bomb and giggling, which I can't imagine was in the script, but stranger things have happened! Julian and New York wind up kissing on the mouth, and again, I don't know if this is a scene or just them hanging out. The executive producer sums it up by saying, "She came, she saw, she acted, and she smoked." He seems hilariously unimpressed, and not gonna lie, that makes me happy.
After leaving the set, New York asks a stagehand if that was all rehearsal or if they actually filmed anything. She's then informed that they just shot her whole episode, and New York is like, "Really? I can hardly walk!" Methinks someone cracked open that Dom Per-ig-non.
She and Wolf head back to the mansion via their designated driver, and she decides to talk to the guys before elimination. She meets Punk first and they take up residence in the backyard for a pow-wow. He says when he doesn't see her for a day, he feels pretty down, but then he gets so excited when she walks in. She says, "Yeah!" all eagerly, like she totally knows what he means - she feels the same way about herself too! He reveals he's starting to fall in love with her, and she says to let his emotions run. Out of nowhere, Buddha appears before them and is like, "Speaking of running, let me take you out of here right quick" and drags New York away. I'm not making any of that up, this ridiculous scene seriously just played out on national television. Punk goes, "Oh, Buddha!" and just kind of shrugs at the camera. Foiled again!
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Comments (19)
From the recap: I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" *****
Don't the timezones work the other way around? :P
Great recap.. much better than the boringass ep. this week. I can't say that I like Buddha AT ALL though. I want to whipe the smug off his face.
1 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:26 PM
I loved this episode! NY really outdid herself, from puking in a bucket rather than just swallowing one bite (are you really telling me NY can swallow Flava Flav yet pukes after tasting a salmon salad??), to straight up oogling over future sex with Buddha, to the "glad I wore panties" line, and finally to her enormously large tatters (although tatters might not work since her boobs seem incapable of movement - miss you Flasher :)
But this recap was equally awesome (I promise this is a compliment) as every single line from the show that made me laugh out loud you mentioned, especially the "appalled - that don't mean something good - do it?" that I just flat-out lost my shit over that!
(also loved tailormade for worrying how he would encorporate ranch dressing in his SALAD dish - you dumb motherFer!)
Oh! One more thing - this is what makes my shitty ass day at work bearable: "God only knows what wonders are hidden underneath her clothes, but there's like a 65% chance there's not a penis."
THANK YOU!
2 of 19 | Posted by Carmelicious | Posted on November 19, 2007 1:55 PM
Haha wow, shia, I am dumb as rocks! Pretend that whole time zone paragraph isn't in there. Clearly I should never make fun of It or Wolf when I can't even tell time. Thank you for liking the recap despite that!
Carmelicious, so glad you enjoyed it!! I'm also completely delighted that you used the word tatters. Your comment made my day!
3 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 19, 2007 2:54 PM
Enjoyed your recap even more than the show!
The next episode - with the ex's - looks like a good one!
4 of 19 | Posted by Fire@will | Posted on November 19, 2007 5:12 PM
Loved the recap! Also, in the previews did it look like Pretty yelled at NY to go buy a weave or something like that or was it just me?
5 of 19 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on November 19, 2007 9:21 PM
just an FYI: La Perla has AMAZING lingerie, which is obviously expensive. I spend much time perusing, but never buying, in the Michigan Ave store
6 of 19 | Posted by lalia | Posted on November 19, 2007 10:47 PM
So, do you suppose expensive lingerie looks cheap on TV... or just cheap on New York?
7 of 19 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 20, 2007 10:48 AM
Oh, one more thing -
I cannot believe New York is 25!! She looks like she is pushing 40!
8 of 19 | Posted by carmelicious | Posted on November 20, 2007 11:11 AM
I gotta say it looks cheap on New York! I think it's the enormous tattooed boobs, and I know I mention them a lot but seriously, they're about to shoot through the screen at us. I'm glad to hear Tailor Made didn't get ripped off though! If he had, you know New York would've found out and ripped him a new one. On second thought, maybe that would've been better.
9 of 19 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:45 PM
"I also love that it was probably early in LA when they shot this scene, so I hope his mom was in New York or something and reacted like, "What the fuck you callin' so early for?" "
Great recaps! Only one problem for ya....if it was early in LA, won't it be later in NY? So his mom would already be up, right? :)
10 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:49 PM
erm...and how I missed that shia0bundan already said that....sorry! :)
11 of 19 | Posted by Pappy | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:52 PM
BaileyQuarters, anything would look cheap on our girl New York, dontcha think? I love her, but wow, what a hot mess. And you're totally right -- she is working the worst case of boob bulge I've ever seen. Love the recap, as always. I'm going to miss Wolf. "He sniffs a ball of mozzarella cheese and asks if it's meat." You don't find that kind of man every day.
And Lalia -- I live right by that store and walk by it at least once/day. I love how so many suburbanites and tourists stop and gawk at the whorish mannequins in the window, all scandalized. Cracks my shit up.
12 of 19 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on November 20, 2007 12:59 PM
Yay, you're back!!
Oh, where do I begin??
Here: "In his interview, Wolf says if he goes home tonight, he'll be appalled. Then he adds onto that by saying, "Is that a bad word? Like, it don't mean something good, do it?" God, please do a double eviction."
This literally made me LOL. Why is it taking New York so long to narrow down 25 suitors when the Bachelor got through his 25 women in less than 2 months? Oh, vh1.
Fun fact:
Remember when we found out Mr. Boston was "dating" Pumkin? Yeah..that should get him a forever ban from any of New York's shows. I'm smelling fakery.
"And..I'mgonapoovit"
It's official: I Love New York has the best reality TV editors ever! Bailey, you're screencap is priceless.
New York is suffering from a serious case of UniBoob and it deserves to be mentioned in EVERY RECAP...IN EVERY PARAGRAPH.
Sister Patterson is getting increasingly bitter. Didn't she get some goodness from one of New York's castoffs awhile back? That should've put a smile on ol' girl's face for at least ONE episode.
What's the over/under on how long it will take for New York and Buddha to get better acquainted, if you know what I mean (chicka chicka bow wow)?
13 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 20, 2007 6:20 PM
Alright, so I'm not too up to date on my New York bio so I have a couple questions maybe some of you can answer?
* What exactly does that tit tattoo say?
* Is Sister Patterson still married?
BTW, this show is too easy to recap; it just makes fun of itself. Wait...or does that mean it would make it harder?
14 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 20, 2007 7:11 PM
I think the tit tatto says Princess. I might be wrong.
And Sis. Patterson and NY's dad were never married. Odd for such a "Christian" woman.
15 of 19 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 21, 2007 12:04 AM
After she got the boob job she shoulda bought NEW tops that fit the new boobs in 'em.
16 of 19 | Posted by Dawn | Posted on November 22, 2007 9:23 AM
Amen, Dawn. It's more than a little disturbing to see New York's booblastics smushed into those tiny tops. I like how she wears bras with demure clear straps, yet the actual bra is always showing. Classy.
17 of 19 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 22, 2007 6:34 PM
I was just watching a rerun and I was reminded of how many times I've seen those clear bra straps. IMO they are far skankier than the actual colored bra straps. Those things aren't fooling anybody. Besides, I thought that breast implants make it so your breasts sit like apples (basketballs in this case) on your chest, why would she even need to wear a bra? And a push up bra no less.
18 of 19 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 23, 2007 2:14 PM
OK, I know that men like big tatters but I am thinking the other Rock of Love term "clown tits" applies here. What drives me nuts is when one boob fits into the outfit just fine but the other boob looks like it's practically being cut in half by the top seam of whatever corset-type thingy she is wearing. I mean, good lord, doesn't that hurt? Well, maybe not since vital nerves are often cut during the augmentation.
19 of 19 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on November 25, 2007 9:08 AM