This week on I Love New York 2, the entire episode is one big awkward moment. It may not be for the faint of heart, but it's definitely for anyone whose heart is as cold and black as mine. Yay!
We open to Sister Patterson and New York waltzing downstairs to greet the guys, which is strange. Usually the portly butler delivers her daily letter, so I can only assume he's in a diabetic coma. No matter, New York has some guests who will make the guys' hearts sink. She doesn't pussyfoot around, either -- their exes are there! The Entertainer immediately looks like he wants to die. He says he'll feel so much better when this day is over, which means he must have some deliciously awful ex stories. You'll remember he's never broken up with a girl before, so some chick will come in with a detailed list of why he was too revolting to date. Yay!
New York says, "You can always tell a man where he's going from where he's been." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but the way I see it, if he's dated sluts in the past then he's going to wind up with New York, right? It just all fits together! She brings the ladies out right away, starting with Punk's ex, Chrystal. He's shocked she's there but they share a friendly hug, so that probably means he's not too much of a dick in relationships. For Buddha, New York presents...his sister. What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck. She says Buddha's ex couldn't be here because she's crazy, but I kind of assume Buddha has more than one ex to bring. It doesn't seem fair that his sister is there to talk him up. It also feels sort of squicky because you know I assumed they had a little somethin' somethin' going on when she came out. Let's be honest, I'm still assuming it.
Megan, The Entertainer's ex, is introduced next. New York immediately starts laughing when she sees her, since Megan's sort of large and has hilarious boobs. New York can't really judge, but okay. In confessional, The Entertainer shares that having Megan here could hurt his chances with New York, and it surely seems like that's the case. New York says it looks like his ex likes to eat in her spare time, which is totally mean and I kind of love it.
New York calls for Mr. Wise's ex, Kia, to come forth. She's black so of course New York immediately shows some interest. That can help break the ice when they start talking shit about Mr. Wise. He's nervous to have Kia around since she knows a lot about him, and naturally New York will try to dig into that. The next guest is Pretty's sister, Lashonda. Surprisingly, instead of being excited about meeting the family and all, New York says it's not a good thing for Buddha and Pretty's sisters to be there over their exes. She says it makes them seem like they have something to hide, and I'm actually impressed with that kind of thinking! Someone must've written that up for New York because that's usually not her jam.
The last girl to join the party is Tailor Made's wife, Nancy. I actually gasped when New York said that, even though they've totally been through this before. Just like I forgot how to tell time last week, apparently I also forgot everything I've ever written about. Tailor Made is nervous, but no more so than Sister Patterson whose weave flies off in shock. The whole thing makes Nancy snort with laughter, which I think is hilarious and endearing on anyone. New York disagrees. She was expecting Tailor Made's ex to be someone like Ciara or Beyonce, though I have absolutely no idea why, but she says she got Aunt Esther or Wesley Snipes in To Wong Foo. What I love about that isn't just that it's mean, it's that it's so carefully planned out.
New York tells the guys to take their ladies to the backyard for drinks, and she'll call for couples to chat with her and her mom. Her mom's elegant opinion of the exes is that they all look like boys, so whoever winds up with New York will really be getting an upgrade. Really? Huh. Wouldn't have been my guess, but sure.
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Comments (13)
First off, if I haven't said it before, I love your WKRP reference, BQ! It proves to me that you were probably born around the same time as me (sidebar: my Dad used to have a fu-manchu mustache, navy pea coat and knit cap that made him look exactly like Johnny Fever).
Holy Cow Andy (Travis- hah!)! What a crazy episode. To se NY mildly humbled and embarassed by her own slaggy behavior proves there's hope for makind in general. And she's 25? Yeah, right. If she really is, she should be ashamed that she looks at least 35. I've noticed, too, that she has to keep putting herself in corset-like outifts, since her quack surgeon inserted those towers of teflon waaaay too low. Just get them redone,babe...about 2 cups sizes smaller, please.
Isn't it funny how on every show she's been on, NY keeps talking about how much class she has? This coming from a woman who claims her favorite food is "ranch dressing". I won't even get into the topic of food verses condiments, here, but my oh my! I guess that's the stuff of beautiful recaps, BQ, so I won't complain. I love how your recaps are at leasst 7-8 pages long, so we know we're not missing anything. Keep it up!
1 of 13 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShz | Posted on November 26, 2007 6:51 AM
Great recap! Been waiting for it since last monday. It was weird seeing new york being humble, not sure if i like it much LOL. Im really surprised that she didnt bring chance back though cuz they had more chemistry than anybody.
I miss Chamo by the way.
Oh, and did anyone else see the other clips from vh1 where they showed pretty and new york and pretty's sister going at it? It was hilarious, but the way Pretty was fighting and yelling pretty much cements his gayness.
2 of 13 | Posted by amarie_luvsTV | Posted on November 26, 2007 7:46 AM
Heh Amarie,
The way Pretty was flailing his hands (limp wrists, limp wrists!) when he was complaining after the interrogation was VERY gay-like.
Anyways from previewing next episode (on Vh1.com) all I can say is Buddha is a bitch! He's a whiny, preachy, not to mention UGLY, bitch who resorts to junior high games to get New York. Basically, he is still sulking over the Chance thing in the next episode. I SO hope its his last!
3 of 13 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 26, 2007 8:04 AM
i dont care what the rest of you think, i love chance!!! i may be about as suburban-white-girl as they come, but he gets me going. he isnt even that attractive really, but his attitude and ridiculous comments just crack me up. i want him. so new york can dump him, ill happily pick him back up!!! hahahhahahaha
4 of 13 | Posted by aman | Posted on November 26, 2007 8:30 AM
Ugh, I am so over Buddha. You know what I hate the most about him? That RIDICULOUS sweater-tank thing he wears in his confessionals. He clearly purchased it from the big gal section at JC Penney.
I'm pretty sure he would crush NY's bones to make his bread, but she likes that kind of thing, so I'm envisioning a Buddha/Tailor Made finale with Buddha taking it on home. The thought of that grosses me out, but no more than the show does on a normal day, so evs.
5 of 13 | Posted by die_media_whores | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:37 AM
I picked Buddha as the person I wanted to win while watching the first few episodes but in my opinion he's turned out to be the worst of the bunch. He's faker than any of them. WTF was that bullshit about "keep my chain"..."a season full of real people"...okay.
I declared my hate for Tailor Made a while back and would like to retract that now. He has totally grown on me and he cracks me up. This has happened to me with other reality show people I hate in the beginning and wind up loving. It should be called the Santino Phenomenon or something. LOVE him now!
Finally, NY outdid herself with the "To Wong Foo" comment. I almost died. And as for you BQ, you outdid yourself with that Raven screencap. Hilarious
6 of 13 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:56 AM
Lots of interesting things happening in this one.
Great recap - and I agree that, in your case, never too long.
I am shocked - shocked I say - to find out that some of the people on this show may not have been completely honest.
The people on Jerry Springer have a lot more credibility (but usually less teeth).
7 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:29 PM
I love Chance too! I'm not attracted to him, but I think he's hilarious. He cracks me up.....and it's funny to see him and New York together...they're so funny and kinda cute too.
I'm pretty sure the producers were planning to bring Chance back, but after seeing how any one of those guys were about to pound him.....they pretty much thought it was safe to get him out of there. Too bad too......I would like to see more Chance around.
8 of 13 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:55 PM
I completely agree with TheGreatAndPowerfulShz's comment regarding NY's declarations of being "classy" ... who invites guests (the ex's) to their "home" and then makes them feel so unwelcome? The ex's were giving NY helpful info, so why be so rude? Well, then again, I'd probably not have tuned in! So there you go :)
Great recap!
9 of 13 | Posted by chelle | Posted on November 26, 2007 3:24 PM
I have always said that about Buddha. He's such a bitch. When he throttled Tailor Made he was mad about something TM did to someone else. Buddha is annoying and I want to see his ass gone.
I hate Chance, too. Someone should douse him with gasoline, too. I hate that ignorant f*ck.
10 of 13 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:38 PM
New York's lisp and careful inunciation of every single word is grating. She really feels she's a classy cultured bitch. HA!
Buddha is also getting on my nerves.
Does anyone notice that when Punk wears turtlenecks it looks like someone cut the head off of a "normal" guy and pasted it on one of those bulked up action figures? It looks so funny cause it looks like a headless weight lifter was rushing out of the house and grabbed the wrong head.
Sister Patterson is such a damn enabler. NY was a complete slut and had absolutely no excuse. She deserved whatever was said to her, but Sister Patterson decided that her baby-skank's "sah-wee" words just cured the herpes right outta her mouth.
11 of 13 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:46 PM
"Does anyone notice that when Punk wears turtlenecks it looks like someone cut the head off of a "normal" guy and pasted it on one of those bulked up action figures? It looks so funny cause it looks like a headless weight lifter was rushing out of the house and grabbed the wrong head."
What the hell? Where in the hell did that idea come from? I like it and I am laughing my ass off, but it's very strange. Grabbed the wrong head??? Funny sh*t.
12 of 13 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on November 26, 2007 11:02 PM
As always, hilarious recap.
"Soon New York announces she'll be having dinner with Real and Chance to get all the dirt from the day. While there, she will also probably get herpes."
C'mon now, Bailey. You know New York already has the herpes.
"Catch up with" is slang for "give head to."
I see someone's been reading her Reality Show Dictionary. ;)
I can't tell whether Chance really likes New York or is a pawn in Real's marketing game. Also, Chance reminds me of a cartoon character, but I can't remember the name right now...
13 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on December 5, 2007 9:22 PM