Megan breaks the news that The Entertainer still lives in his parents' basement, which is especially sad considering he's like 40. Apparently UPS doesn't pay the big bucks. She talks about how awkward it was to spend the night there, and New York says he'll have to move out if he wants to be with her. She won't be sneaking into his parents' basement at age 25! If she's 25, then let's have a moment of silence for her freaking face. Time really keeps on ticking for our dear friend Tiffany. Back in the interrogation room, I have absolutely no clue what's going on. Whenever Chance takes over the questions, it's just a mix of swear words and him being like, "Whahurhur ha, son?" Beats the hell out of me, but whatever he asks prompts The Entertainer to make the following face.
His love for New York turns him into a funhouse clown.
Punk is the next victim. Real asks how long he was with Chrystal, to which he answers about four months. They both confirm they weren't in love, although she still seems pretty into him from her conversation with New York. She's practically about to burst into tears, but when you consider the people she's sitting in front of, she might just be frightened. Downstairs, Real asks Punk's reasons for breaking up with Denise. Who the fuck is Denise? I guess from context clues we can assume she's a previous ex, but I'd like for them to graph out some charts and maps for everyone's relationships, please and thanks. Punk didn't want his relationship with Denise to go any further, so he told her they'd be better off as friends. They must not be very good friends if she wouldn't come on the show, aw snap!
Chance asks Punk how Sister Patterson feels about him, so Punk explains the whole Mama's Boys thing. Just as Chance says Sister Patterson loved him too, Punk blurts out, "That's more than I can say for you, buddy." Suddenly, things do not look good. Punk tells Chance he's not going to come in here and muscle him, and after a long tirade of swearing on both ends, Chance throws his chair against the wall. Not to be outdone, Punk turns the whole fucking table over. Love it!
Punk says he'll kick both Chance and Real's ass, so Chance responds by breaking the overhead light. You know, like ya do. It's kind of awesome that Punk sticks up for himself, even if it's a little random, and I guess Chance and Real finally decide that too because they all settle down and get back to the questioning. This show is hilarious because fights come and go just like that - like, I was furious and threatening to kill you, but now it's no big deal!
Next, New York and Sister P meet up with Kia. New York asks how Kia met her ex, and she says they used to work together. They also dated off and on for four years. Mr. Wise sort of contradicts everything she says, but only by a little bit so you can't really tell who's lying. He says they dated for three years and spoke two weeks ago, while she says it's been a month or two. Kia reveals he's been calling her though, and that sets New York off. She responds, "If you want to talk to her that badly, why you livin' in my house, eatin' my food, stinkin' up my bathrooms, and bein' in my face?" In other news, New York and I just got married.
Buddha's sister, Thais, is the next victim. She shares that Buddha's last relationship was five years ago, and he broke up with her because she was a crazy-ass stalker. Sounds like a good reason! Luckily it doesn't have to do with him being a nut or anything -- don't get me wrong, he's totally beaten the crap out of men before, but never a woman. Yay! Unfortch, Sister Patterson doesn't buy it. She believes tons of women have restraining orders out against Buddha, instead of the other way around. That's New York's cue to tell Thais about Buddha's showdown with Tailor Made, and Thais just nods like that's normal and also entertaining. She says he's got a bad temper but he knows he needs to work on it, so I guess that makes it okay. Sister Patterson thinks it's a red flag that his sister is warning them about all this. I hate to say it, but for once Mama might actually be right.
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Comments (13)
First off, if I haven't said it before, I love your WKRP reference, BQ! It proves to me that you were probably born around the same time as me (sidebar: my Dad used to have a fu-manchu mustache, navy pea coat and knit cap that made him look exactly like Johnny Fever).
Holy Cow Andy (Travis- hah!)! What a crazy episode. To se NY mildly humbled and embarassed by her own slaggy behavior proves there's hope for makind in general. And she's 25? Yeah, right. If she really is, she should be ashamed that she looks at least 35. I've noticed, too, that she has to keep putting herself in corset-like outifts, since her quack surgeon inserted those towers of teflon waaaay too low. Just get them redone,babe...about 2 cups sizes smaller, please.
Isn't it funny how on every show she's been on, NY keeps talking about how much class she has? This coming from a woman who claims her favorite food is "ranch dressing". I won't even get into the topic of food verses condiments, here, but my oh my! I guess that's the stuff of beautiful recaps, BQ, so I won't complain. I love how your recaps are at leasst 7-8 pages long, so we know we're not missing anything. Keep it up!
1 of 13 | Posted by TheGreatAndPowerfulShz | Posted on November 26, 2007 6:51 AM
Great recap! Been waiting for it since last monday. It was weird seeing new york being humble, not sure if i like it much LOL. Im really surprised that she didnt bring chance back though cuz they had more chemistry than anybody.
I miss Chamo by the way.
Oh, and did anyone else see the other clips from vh1 where they showed pretty and new york and pretty's sister going at it? It was hilarious, but the way Pretty was fighting and yelling pretty much cements his gayness.
2 of 13 | Posted by amarie_luvsTV | Posted on November 26, 2007 7:46 AM
Heh Amarie,
The way Pretty was flailing his hands (limp wrists, limp wrists!) when he was complaining after the interrogation was VERY gay-like.
Anyways from previewing next episode (on Vh1.com) all I can say is Buddha is a bitch! He's a whiny, preachy, not to mention UGLY, bitch who resorts to junior high games to get New York. Basically, he is still sulking over the Chance thing in the next episode. I SO hope its his last!
3 of 13 | Posted by shia0bundan | Posted on November 26, 2007 8:04 AM
i dont care what the rest of you think, i love chance!!! i may be about as suburban-white-girl as they come, but he gets me going. he isnt even that attractive really, but his attitude and ridiculous comments just crack me up. i want him. so new york can dump him, ill happily pick him back up!!! hahahhahahaha
4 of 13 | Posted by aman | Posted on November 26, 2007 8:30 AM
Ugh, I am so over Buddha. You know what I hate the most about him? That RIDICULOUS sweater-tank thing he wears in his confessionals. He clearly purchased it from the big gal section at JC Penney.
I'm pretty sure he would crush NY's bones to make his bread, but she likes that kind of thing, so I'm envisioning a Buddha/Tailor Made finale with Buddha taking it on home. The thought of that grosses me out, but no more than the show does on a normal day, so evs.
5 of 13 | Posted by die_media_whores | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:37 AM
I picked Buddha as the person I wanted to win while watching the first few episodes but in my opinion he's turned out to be the worst of the bunch. He's faker than any of them. WTF was that bullshit about "keep my chain"..."a season full of real people"...okay.
I declared my hate for Tailor Made a while back and would like to retract that now. He has totally grown on me and he cracks me up. This has happened to me with other reality show people I hate in the beginning and wind up loving. It should be called the Santino Phenomenon or something. LOVE him now!
Finally, NY outdid herself with the "To Wong Foo" comment. I almost died. And as for you BQ, you outdid yourself with that Raven screencap. Hilarious
6 of 13 | Posted by msu11y28 | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:56 AM
Lots of interesting things happening in this one.
Great recap - and I agree that, in your case, never too long.
I am shocked - shocked I say - to find out that some of the people on this show may not have been completely honest.
The people on Jerry Springer have a lot more credibility (but usually less teeth).
7 of 13 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:29 PM
I love Chance too! I'm not attracted to him, but I think he's hilarious. He cracks me up.....and it's funny to see him and New York together...they're so funny and kinda cute too.
I'm pretty sure the producers were planning to bring Chance back, but after seeing how any one of those guys were about to pound him.....they pretty much thought it was safe to get him out of there. Too bad too......I would like to see more Chance around.
8 of 13 | Posted by jozeyg | Posted on November 26, 2007 12:55 PM
I completely agree with TheGreatAndPowerfulShz's comment regarding NY's declarations of being "classy" ... who invites guests (the ex's) to their "home" and then makes them feel so unwelcome? The ex's were giving NY helpful info, so why be so rude? Well, then again, I'd probably not have tuned in! So there you go :)
Great recap!
9 of 13 | Posted by chelle | Posted on November 26, 2007 3:24 PM
I have always said that about Buddha. He's such a bitch. When he throttled Tailor Made he was mad about something TM did to someone else. Buddha is annoying and I want to see his ass gone.
I hate Chance, too. Someone should douse him with gasoline, too. I hate that ignorant f*ck.
10 of 13 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:38 PM
New York's lisp and careful inunciation of every single word is grating. She really feels she's a classy cultured bitch. HA!
Buddha is also getting on my nerves.
Does anyone notice that when Punk wears turtlenecks it looks like someone cut the head off of a "normal" guy and pasted it on one of those bulked up action figures? It looks so funny cause it looks like a headless weight lifter was rushing out of the house and grabbed the wrong head.
Sister Patterson is such a damn enabler. NY was a complete slut and had absolutely no excuse. She deserved whatever was said to her, but Sister Patterson decided that her baby-skank's "sah-wee" words just cured the herpes right outta her mouth.
11 of 13 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on November 26, 2007 9:46 PM
"Does anyone notice that when Punk wears turtlenecks it looks like someone cut the head off of a "normal" guy and pasted it on one of those bulked up action figures? It looks so funny cause it looks like a headless weight lifter was rushing out of the house and grabbed the wrong head."
What the hell? Where in the hell did that idea come from? I like it and I am laughing my ass off, but it's very strange. Grabbed the wrong head??? Funny sh*t.
12 of 13 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on November 26, 2007 11:02 PM
As always, hilarious recap.
"Soon New York announces she'll be having dinner with Real and Chance to get all the dirt from the day. While there, she will also probably get herpes."
C'mon now, Bailey. You know New York already has the herpes.
"Catch up with" is slang for "give head to."
I see someone's been reading her Reality Show Dictionary. ;)
I can't tell whether Chance really likes New York or is a pawn in Real's marketing game. Also, Chance reminds me of a cartoon character, but I can't remember the name right now...
13 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on December 5, 2007 9:22 PM