You can tell Chuck is full of shit right away because as soon as New York arrives, he tells her she's got a Queen Latifah feel to her. Oblivious to the fact that Chuck is picking two black chicks who look nothing alike and simply grouping them together, New York is flattered - only she makes the point that Queen Latifah is plus sized. This all leads to the question of who does Chuck represent - after all, he only mentioned Queen Latifah, he didn't say he represented her. He answers Lizza that his client list includes Robert Wagner and Steve Guttenberg.

"I'm still living pretty good off of that Three Men and a Little Lady cut."

Lizza smells blood in the water and immediately interrupts Chuck to hand him New York's demo reel and headshots. Chuck laughs at her (the only time he was likable in his 2 minutes on screen) and tells her he likes her, but she needs to tone it down a bit. New York agrees, saying Lizza is acting like a "showbiz mom" when she should be "fetching me drinks."

"My baby girl doesn't need me any more..."

After the meeting with Chuck is over, New York heads over to a casting session with one of Hollywood's "top casting directors," Fern Champion. She's given "sides" or a part of the script to rehearse a line for, this time in the role of Condoleeza Rice. Of course, this made me wonder if New York was really up for a part in Oliver Stone's new movie about the Bush presidency, but of course I laughed, shook my head, called myself "silly," and clamped clothespins on my nipples to detract from the pain of watching New York act. I can't imagine what it must have been like for Fern.

"I'm wearing a bear trap in my cooch right now."

New York fumbles her lines a bit and it's kind of sad - sad because New York is uneducated, and sad because someone this stupid has had THREE shows on vH1!!!! 1.7 million people tuned in to watch her last week! WTF! Regardless, her acting still sucks, since Fern stops her right there and tells her that this part is not hers. New York triggers her defensive mechanism - really obvious crocodile tears - while the casting director asks her why she's crying? New York says that she's upset because she really wants to be an actress and sucks at it.

"WAAAAAHHHH...is she looking?....WAAAAHHH"

After the casting session with Fern is over (doesn't she look like Kathie Lee's slightly more busted sister? Sorry I watch the Today Show a lot.), it's time to move on to the next meeting. I didn't mention this earlier, but before the meeting New York met with another young lady named Kelly in the waiting room of Fern's office. Kelly asked her if she was "The New York," to which she responded with a dead fish handshake. Kelly then kept trying to talk to her, but New York got angry and told her to back off since she's trying to study her sides. Kelly of course wasn't thrilled with her. But after the drama dies down who else is at the next audition but Kelly herself. This is so terribly, obviously staged by the producers.

"Did you rehearse your lines? No, not those, the one in this scene where we're supposed to hate on each other. Aaaand action."

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Posted in I Love New York by HayHor at 12:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Last Comment: HayHor on Aug 15, 2008 10:45 AM.