By Nite Writer P. Funk
It's Monday night. Time for some New York loving or, according to my previous recaps, some New York hating. Whether I love to hate her or I hate to love her, I'm still watching and I'm still enjoying. Tonight's episode was definitely one special episode. And by special, I mean ah-mazing. Welcome back to the days of "Fuck me proper!"
Who Let The Dogs OutI Love New YorkBy Nite Writer P. FunkIt's Monday night. Time for some New York loving or, according to my previous recaps, some New York hating. Whether I love to hate her or I hate to love her, I'm still watching and I'm still enjoying. Tonight's episode was definitely one special episode. And by special, I mean ah-mazing. Welcome back to the days of "Fuck me proper!"Chamo, who is now a member of the village people, delivers a telegram to the boys. I would have figured Chamo for the police officer, but I guess the workman does him good. New York wants a handy man around her house (even though I found out that it is not her house, but she does get to keep it after production) so she poses this next challenge for the men. The guys are divided into three teams to construct dog houses for New York's bitch, Her Majesty. The men use their muscles to hammer, nail, cut, chop and whatever other verb you do to wood. They're dealing with dangerous tools, so it comes as no surprise when it looks as if Tango may have cut his hand off. But then we remember that we are watching "I Love New York" and we are dealing with pussy boys. With that being said, we find out that Tango merely got a splinter. Whiteboy, one of the few real men left, gets real about the situation and calls out Tango on being weak sauce. A splinter is a minor incident that should be taken care of after a timed challenge.
Rico and Chance represent the black team, as Mr. Boston, who's good at "using his own hands on his own wood" mentally draws up a blueprint for a house that Snoop Dog would live in. Chance said it right when he said, "The dog don't hit no blunts man, it's a damn pooch. What the damn pooch look like kicking back blowin bleezes." And by said it right, I mean word for word perfection. I guess there will be no sex in Her Majesty's champagne room. As Mr. Boston fails to contribute to the group, the boys get mad. Maybe he should stop picking his nose and pick up a hammer. He blatantly picks his nose for a 3 second sequence. You gotta love him.
The White Team is led by 12 Pack. Heat is his bitch, following all orders given to him. I was hoping for "suck my dick" to follow "measure that piece of wood." 12 Pack thinks he is the man and Heat only boosts this confidence in him. What a cute couple!
New York spies on the men at work, while imagining using a power saw in the bedroom. That would probably hurt a lot. What are you into, New York?
After hours of work, the houses are revealed. Gray team's house looks like Polly Pocket's headquarters. The black team's house lacks everything and Chance blames it on Mr. Boston. White team takes home the bacon with a NY Beach house. 12 Pack modeled it after the beach house he stays in on the Jersey Shore. Each one of the members of the White Team wins a date with New York.
Real, whom I keep forgetting is Chance's brother, has the luxury of being New York's cock...tail. They chill on her ball-cony and New York pets his recently unrolled corn rows. She's feeling him full on and even lets us in on a possible finale between the two brothers. As much as that could be interesting, I still think it won't end up that way. We see that Real is really doing it right now. We also learn that Real is real short. Why have we not realized this before? New York finishes up her first of three dates, or what she refers to as half of her dates.
Meanwhile, Mr. Boston talks smack about his doghouse partners. I use the word smack because knowing Mr. Boston, he would refer to talking shit as "talking smack." Chance is just as fed up with Mr. Boston, judging by the amount of bleeps used in one of his sentences. Chance decides to beat Boston's ass, but after he finishes giving Whiteboy a haircut, of course.
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Comments (8)
I agree with you on 12 Pack, but Real is boring as hell. Boston saves this show.
I was sad to see Onyx go because his commentary was right on. Contrary to being an "idiot," he's too smart to be on a show like this.
1 of 8 | Posted by tj
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Posted on January 30, 2007 8:56 PM
Onix told New York he was better than her. I'm surprised she didn't stab him right there and then
Am I on crack or was the song that Heat was using to serenade Gay Pack was a Backstreet Boys song? I guess it's my shame that I recognized it.
2 of 8 | Posted by LaSexorcisto
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Posted on January 30, 2007 9:34 PM
It was a Backstreet Boys song. If I remember correctly it was "Everybody" but he changed the words up a little as an ode to the leopard shorts.
3 of 8 | Posted by karamelsundai
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Posted on January 31, 2007 7:36 AM
Yeah I think it was "Everybody" and it was hilarious to hear him sing it while slurring his speech.
I really love this show, and I know I'm going to regret saying this, but I actually like Sister Patterson. She cracks me up.
4 of 8 | Posted by dmbislove
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Posted on January 31, 2007 7:39 AM
NiteWriter, I am so glad you noticed the teensy stature of most of these guys. Was there a height limit on the application?
5 of 8 | Posted by MissKatrina
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Posted on January 31, 2007 1:53 PM
That screencap of NY's face is freakin funny. Nitewriter, I must say you're winning me over, especialy your note on "fuck me proper"
6 of 8 | Posted by MyJacob1
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Posted on February 1, 2007 6:27 AM
I could watch New York and Sista Paterson all day long. I'd like to see them in a road show, where they travel across the country, and just basically yell and scream at people.
I'm also thinking Rico is kind of gay. Heat was totally gay, and it was obvious. Onyx was clearly on the down low.
KH
7 of 8 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on February 4, 2007 2:49 PM
Is rico gay or not?
8 of 8 | Posted by Jamie | Posted on March 31, 2007 11:56 AM