Tiffany Patterson, whom I will never refer to again by that name, is the bitch back in charge. This time around it’s her heart the boys are after. The show opens and we are immediately reminded as to why New York has a new show. After being booted by Flava Flav two seasons in a row, New York was pissed. She claims that time heals all wounds, but you and I both know that a reality show is what really heals all wounds. Isn’t that how Danny Bonaduce got over his issues and heartbreaks?

Since this show is a spinoff of the greatest VH1 show ever, I am obligated to constantly compare and contrast to its predecessor. With that being said, I have been wondering who will be New York’s sidekick, seeing as though I doubted Big Rick’s appearance. Enter Chamo- the over the top gay personal assistant slash stylist who scores a 140% on the gaydar. He may not be Big Rick, but he will definitely like holding the guys down. The boys, however, are not as enthralled by Chamo. They literally walk away from the house when they see him. I guess they’re not feeling his Pink rhinstone heart belt buckle with matching chiffon scarf. His outfit is nothing compared to the striking leopard and knock-off Louis Vuitton wallpaper inside New York’s castle. It’s safe to assume that Chamo has added interior design to his resume. With each wall as a different color of the gay rainbow, a barber shop was necessary to make the house look more manly. The bunk-beds, however, quickly take away that small touch of masculinity the house was holding on to.

The boys are introduced to Miss New York and they go coo coo for cocoa puffs (and by cocoa puffs, I do mean the recently redesigned boobs that New York sports). Interestingly enough, penis dialogue soon follows her entrance. “You put the hurt on my penis,” says one of the contestants, as well as the subtitle that VH1 felt it necessary to display.

The boys lined up and were awaiting their nicknames (my favorite part), only to be surprised by New York’s vindictive, deviled, psychotic mother, Sister Patterson. I know my words are harsh, but the woman hates Flava Flav. Who hates Flava Flav? She pushed Flava Flav? Who pushes Flava Flav? Honestly?

But seriously, I am so glad she’s a part of this show.

And now onto the best part: the nicknames. I wasn’t overly impressed with the names, as I am used to the creative juices of Flav. I guess we can’t all think of Red Oyster or Pumkin on the spot. Enough lamenting over the passing of Flavor of Love, let’s celebrate the new show and its new characters. We meet all types of guys from black freaks to white freaks to religious freaks to dog mourning freaks. I know what all you ladies are thinking- why are these boys single? Rico seems smooth, just like an operator. 12 pack and Jersey look like they have a summer rental on the Jersey shore. Romance has such a love for animals. These guys are real catches.